Facing Fears

fearThanks to the amazing beast that is Google, I just read the leaked script of Buried, the indie flick my “crush” Ryan Reynolds is supposedly filming in Barcelona right now as we speak.

If you’re not familiar with it yet, you will be in 2010 when it’s released — and there’s plenty of buzz about it now.

It’s the one-man film of an American contractor in Iraq whose convoy is ambushed by Iraqi insurgents.

Kidnapped and buried alive, he comes to in a coffin … with only a dying cell phone, a lighter and a knife … oh, and desert sand trickling through a tiny hole in the wooden box.

Reading the 80-page script, I felt nauseous and sick, as though I was in his shoes myself.

I won’t say anything more about the plot, other than that this movie is going to make its audience  squirm — that is, if they can sit through an entire film shot in one very claustraphobic location.

I bring this film up not because I adore Ryan Reynolds (and I do) but because Ryan’s character — Paul — is facing the absolute of fears: certain, imminent death.

He’s literally trapped, and he has no way out … unless by some miracle he gets rescued. Continue reading “Facing Fears”

Coming to Terms With My “Half-Way” Body

Warning: This is a rambling, stream of consciousness post …. and I don’t have the desire to play editor to slim it down.

This weekend it hit me that I am the size/weight I was during my summer of losing back in 2004, my “half-way” size/shape, if you will.

And while some might not be upset by this realization, I have to say, it was an unsettling feeling for me.

It goes without saying that I never want to go back to my unhealthy habits of chewing/spitting or excessively over-exercising.

But those ways weren’t how I lost weight in the first place, anyway. I did it the old-fashioned way: eating less, moving more, following WW Online.

It worked then, and it’s not working now and truthfully, that frustrates me. I wish it didn’t frustrate me or upset me, but it does.

Five years later, that equilibrium I sought and found seems completely messed up because I work out like a fiend, I’m strength training, I’m journaling and I’m still unable to lose weight — I’m eating too much (even with journaling/following WW) to lose.

I’m “overweight” again. I honestly don’t mean to sound like I’m beating myself up here, but it’s the truth. Continue reading “Coming to Terms With My “Half-Way” Body”

Serenity, Now

Serenity-poster-laThe past two days, since making my resolution to go back to strictly counting Points and ditching Sparkpeople, I’ve found it surprisingly easy to adhere to Dr. Beck’s “No Choice” mantra, something that often plagued me in the past.

Naturally, it got me thinking: Why is it so easy sometimes, and so damn difficult — seemingly impossible — at others?

The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that, 100 percent, it has to do with mindset an being in a good frame of mind.

Taking ownership of my decisions and accepting and personal responsibility for my actions. Realizing that each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Understanding that I am in control and no one else can help me get back to my comfortable place but me.

The past two days, I’ve made healthy choices, good choices, wholesome choices … which leaves little room for “extras” since these filling foods … well, fill me!

And, crazy as it sounds, I’ve done this without depriving myself in the slightest. It freaked me out to see that in the past two days, I’ve eaten what I might have eaten in one day just a mere week ago. But it was a great wake-up call, one I needed to hear. Continue reading “Serenity, Now”