To Buy or Not to Buy [a scale] …

That is the question.

I haven’t stepped on the scale in about two months now — and lord knows I ought to (I’ve been eating a ton of extra Points per week + travel + minimal workouts).

But when I finally mustered up the courage to check on the damage this week [yes, I am deliberately choosing “damage”], I was greeted with a big fat nothing: our scale was broken.

I’ve had this particular scale since 2006, so it has had a pretty long shelf-life … but we keep it in the bathroom and, well, moisture + electronics don’t tend to go hand in hand. In other words, it was bound to die at some point … I just didn’t expect it to be now — when I actually wanted to see where I stood!

Le sigh. Continue reading “To Buy or Not to Buy [a scale] …”

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A Real Post-Partum Belly

I might not have my pre-pregnancy body back, but every time I look in the mirror and see my belly –with its long squiggly black line (linea negra) and the incision scar across my bikini line, I can’t help but marvel that Maya is here now … and that I made it happen. It’s the most incredible feeling on earth.

Given my history, you’d think it would be frustrating at me to not be where I want to be by now, seven weeks post-partum. But for once in my life, I’m experiencing patience. And I think it’s that patience which is allowing me to embrace my new figure — which, oddly (or not?) is closer to my pre-WW figure/size/weight than anything else.

So, to remind myself of how empowered I’m feeling at the moment, I’d document it with a photo of my belly — scar, linea negra, fleshy hips and all.

This is me, at this moment. And Maya is worth every ounce. (Pic after the jump).

Continue reading “A Real Post-Partum Belly”

Talking Chub

Maya was not a preemie, she was just a baby on the smallish side — proportionally small. (See her first bath pic on the right)

Yet often when we’re out and about and people ask how old she is, they’re surprised to find out she’s five weeks and always, always, always comment on what a “peanut” she is and/or ask how much she weighed at birth.

I know they don’t mean anything by it … and it doesn’t particularly bother my husband. But it often makes me feel a bit uncomfortable as the mother, the milk provider, if you will — as though she’s still too tiny for her age.

So we’ve been doing weekly weigh-ins and in the past two weeks, Maya went from 6 lbs 7.5 oz to 7 lbs 2 oz … to 7 lbs 11 oz today (yes, many babies weigh more than that at birth, I know! Meh.)

Anyway, woo hoo: she’s growing! Continue reading “Talking Chub”

In Pregnancy, a Neon Sign Might as Well Read: “Open for Judgment 24/7”

The past two days I had two interesting  body image experiences worthy of sharing here.

First, yesterday at the dog park, a woman my husband and I were chatting with asked when I was due. (Cue the fireworks, marching band, and streamers!).

I was wearing my fave pre-pregnancy gray winter trench coat, belted above my growing bump, and only buttoned on the first button. I finally felt like I actually “looked” pregnant from the front (not just the side) and was completely flattered and pleased with her comment. Continue reading “In Pregnancy, a Neon Sign Might as Well Read: “Open for Judgment 24/7””

When Words Sting

I’ve surprised myself with how OK I’ve been about the inevitable weight gain that comes with pregnancy.

Feeling her little kicks (my husband can even feel them now!) and seeing my tummy twitch late at night just makes it all worth it … and knowing she’ll be here in roughly 16 weeks REALLY makes it worth it 😉

And because I’ve been journaling (albeit not dieting) and working out (albeit cutting back from my pre-pregnancy workouts) I’ve felt particularly good about how my body has changed with pregnancy.

Sure, my waist is more or less gone, I’m thick around the middle, and my hips are fleshier. But now that I have a bit of bump action going on, it feels the way it should be. I really feel like it’s all baby right now, and though I’m sure — like all new moms — I’ll be left with some excess weight to work off … I hope that the good habits I’ve been practicing (save for the junk food cravings I’ve given into) will help me do that when the time comes.

So given my positive state of mind, I was surprised at how some words I heard today really stung. Continue reading “When Words Sting”

It’s Not About the Preggo Card …

Though it might not be obvious to anyone but myself, over the past year, I’ve become a lot more forgiving towards myself with respect to food, really embracing the whole “live life and ENJOY it” notion.

This didn’t start when I got pregnant, and probably explains why I never lost the 10-15 lbs I packed on over the past three years pre-pregnancy.

(But truly, that’s neither here nor there, especially as the scale tips closer and closer to my pre-WW weight, a number I hoped never to see again but inevitably will, and then some).

I have to say, it’s very freeing to live this way. I eat what I want, but in moderation. I don’t deprive myself of what I really want; I account for it and move on. I believe in my heart of hearts this is what it means to have a balanced relationship with food, something I’ve strove for on this journey.

And though being pregnant gives me a little extra wiggle room to enjoy life even more, I’ve truly been in this mindset for the past year or so. Maybe it’s just more obvious to the outside world now that I’m pregnant, and instead of sneaking around with a former “guilty” treat or eating it alone, my love affair is more in the public eye. And I’m not ashamed to be seen eating a chocolate bar, or tortilla chips. Life’s more fun with a little sweet, a little salty, a little gusto for food … something that evaded me during the worst years of my disordered eating history.

Which is why it’s been deeply frustrating to me to hear people say (to me or any of my other recently-pregnant friends), “Well, but you can have that, you’re pregnant.”  Or, “You can eat that now”  (basically acknowledging “but I can’t”.) Or “Well now that you’re pregnant, XYZ is OK.” Continue reading “It’s Not About the Preggo Card …”

Note to Self: Savor This Sentiment

I know I said I wouldn’t talk numbers often, but trust me, it’s relevant here. This is how I know I’m in a good place:

1) I weighed myself this AM and am up a full pound since last week’s WI (for a total of 3.8 lbs — I’m almost 17 weeks along, for perspective) … and I was *excited* to see the numbers matching my growing (albeit small-for-now) belly! A year ago I definitely would NOT have been able to see the numbers consistently go up and accept it, especially when I’m exercising and eating the same.

2) I tried on a pair of my usual size khaki capris … and they didn’t even come close to buttoning and looked horrible … and I simply put them away and slipped on a comfortable maternity denim skirt instead (which is loose-fitting but über-cute). Those pants will be there next summer for me to wear again; I know how to lose weight and have faith I’ll be able to lose baby weight as well when the time comes. But this is NOT the time to be concerned about that. Continue reading “Note to Self: Savor This Sentiment”