#helpwiththehardpart

This. Is. Still. Me.

All these years later — happy, sad, anxious, angry, upset, bored, elated … you name it, I want to eat. Not to the point of illness (i.e., binge) but wow.

Source: WeightWatchers

I love/hate/love how hard this hits home … “If you’re human and you know it, eat a snack.”

As WW’s Facebook post says, “Our relationship with food = complicated. Let’s get real and talk about it.”

While you might find it ironic I would still love and support WW — after following the program and finding success resulted in my disordered eating — but I honestly don’t blame WW … I blame myself and my rigidity/hard-wiring for why I went astray all those years ago.

This campaign almost makes me want to re-up my membership … I still fight the emotional eating demons constantly. Mindless munching at work. Shoveling dinner down my throat in a hurry to get everything done at bed-time. Eating my feelings, even if it’s about something good/happy. Allowing myself to have “just one more” of something I know I don’t need but want. Eating when I’m feeling pulled in a million directions and food becomes comfort when conversation would be a far superior solution.

All these years later … I still face this stuff. I handle it better because I have the tools WW gave me to lead a healthier life: knowledge about food choices, portion control, regular weighing to keep in check, etc. I still keep a food journal — some habits just never die! (albeit I do it on the free MyFitnessPal app). But I still face this stuff; many of us do.

So Weight Watchers, thank you … I needed this. This campaign isn’t the usual in-your-face “get thin for the holidays” or “have a skinny holiday crap” or the “diet in the New Year” jargon …  but rather facing it head-on: for many of us who struggle with our weight, the battle is in our head way more than our bodies. Accepting and relationship is complicated and facing it head-on is liberating. We know what to do and often are paralyzed by our emotions. Even the wisest among us can fall victim to the “If you’re happy/sad/angry/stressed/bored … have a snack” routine.

This campaign is brilliant … and you just might have a (former) member back. I’m healthy and no longer engage in unhealthy behaviors … but my jeans as snug which is usually my cue for time to reign it in; I could use a little motivation. Couldn’t we all??

Now about those two Oreo balls I stress-ate tonight …? Well, tomorrow’s a new day.

A Decade of Dieting

In spite of never being particularly thin, I never dieted a day in my life until I was 24 years old. On April 13, 2004 I made the fast and furious decision to follow my mom’s lead and join Weight Watchers because, as the ads promise … it works.

As many of you long-time readers know, my journey wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. The first eight months on WW, I lost 35 pounds — dropping from a size 12 to a size 6. I did this through simple diet changes, learning about portion control, and upping my fitness ante. I loved my new body, but feared it was on loan. So, in an effort to stay thin at any and all accounts, I began a slow spiral into the secretive world of disordered eating. Because I wasn’t super-thin, no one assumed I had “an issue” … and furthermore, as a chewer and spitter, I always ate and never actually purged. So if I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, I was OK! Continue reading “A Decade of Dieting”

Journaling for Success

This weekend I had lunch with a dear friend I met online through Weight Watchers several years ago. Since then, our friendship has extended well beyond the realms of dieting and weight loss, and I’ve come to consider her a really awesome friend.

We got to talking about journaling and, knowing that — weight loss, maintenance, or gain, I’ve been a diligent journaler — she asked if I still kept a food journal/tracked my Points. Continue reading “Journaling for Success”

Willpower, Wantpower … Call it whatever; I don’t have any!

I plain out admitted to a friend last week that I don’t have the willpower OR the “wantpower” to actually lose weight. I later shared the sentiment with my Weight Watchers chat friends … and hearing myself say it was kind of life-affirming — cheesy as it sounds.

It’s not that I don’t think I’d look better without a couple pounds on me; surely I would! And it’s not that I wouldn’t feel better weighing a little less; again, surely I would!

But I don’t have the where-with-all/desire to diet (other than loosely following WW, going over my Points each week — oops) … to cut out things like sugar and bread and whatnot. I know it would work if I made the effort — but I’m just not there. And I don’t know that I’ll ever go back there. Continue reading “Willpower, Wantpower … Call it whatever; I don’t have any!”

Accountability

I began Weight Watchers (online) in 2004 completely alone. My mom had had success with the program, and I had a feeling if I just gave it a go, it’d work. Being in a long-distance international relationship, with family far away, all I had to focus on was myself and my friends. It was the most selfish time of my life and, admittedly, that’s partially what I credit to getting me to my goal in December 2004. I lost 35 pounds and was a lean (but solid) size 6.

What also helped me get to goal with this fabulous group of women I met online in September 2004 on the Weight Watchers message boards. We dubbed ourselves the Weekend Sabatogers. We’d post several times a day on our thread sharing menu ideas, workouts, weekly weigh-ins (WI) and Weight Watchers-related stuff at first. But in time, we grew closer and shared much more personal things, celebrating each other’s joys as well as not-so-joyful times. Continue reading “Accountability”

Things that make you go hmmmm…

This week I completely expected to see a gain on the scale–even though it was supposed to be my first week back “OP” (what we Weight Watchers refer to as “on program” or “on plan”).

Last week I made it to the gym at 5:30 M-Th as I’d hoped, and took Friday off. I planned to go to Zumba Saturday but hubby had a study group and daycare at the gym doesn’t open til 9 (class is at 8:15) and then Sunday we had too much going on to carve out time to go, so I made do with long walks and lots of house-cleaning. But in spite of thinking more about my choices, my eating was still pretty craptastic … and I went over my Points by 48.

Seriously, again! #FAIL Continue reading “Things that make you go hmmmm…”

Sugar Woes

I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend — sorry for the lapse in posting but we took an 11-hour road-trip to Annapolis for Luis’s 10-year USNA class reunion.

It was a blast–lots of wonderful quality time spent with our besties and a football game to boot–but exhausting and I just haven’t been able to muster up the strength to blog, pathetic as it sounds!!!

I haven’t been to the dentist since December 16, 2010 — 2 days before I was scheduled to have Maya — and I had to cancel a few appointments at the 6-mth mark so yesterday was my first trip in ages.

I braced myself for the verdict of at least one cavity … but, like last time and the time before, I had NONE! Go me! (–>tossing confetti) Continue reading “Sugar Woes”