#helpwiththehardpart

This. Is. Still. Me.

All these years later — happy, sad, anxious, angry, upset, bored, elated … you name it, I want to eat. Not to the point of illness (i.e., binge) but wow.

Source: WeightWatchers

I love/hate/love how hard this hits home … “If you’re human and you know it, eat a snack.”

As WW’s Facebook post says, “Our relationship with food = complicated. Let’s get real and talk about it.”

While you might find it ironic I would still love and support WW — after following the program and finding success resulted in my disordered eating — but I honestly don’t blame WW … I blame myself and my rigidity/hard-wiring for why I went astray all those years ago.

This campaign almost makes me want to re-up my membership … I still fight the emotional eating demons constantly. Mindless munching at work. Shoveling dinner down my throat in a hurry to get everything done at bed-time. Eating my feelings, even if it’s about something good/happy. Allowing myself to have “just one more” of something I know I don’t need but want. Eating when I’m feeling pulled in a million directions and food becomes comfort when conversation would be a far superior solution.

All these years later … I still face this stuff. I handle it better because I have the tools WW gave me to lead a healthier life: knowledge about food choices, portion control, regular weighing to keep in check, etc. I still keep a food journal — some habits just never die! (albeit I do it on the free MyFitnessPal app). But I still face this stuff; many of us do.

So Weight Watchers, thank you … I needed this. This campaign isn’t the usual in-your-face “get thin for the holidays” or “have a skinny holiday crap” or the “diet in the New Year” jargon …  but rather facing it head-on: for many of us who struggle with our weight, the battle is in our head way more than our bodies. Accepting and relationship is complicated and facing it head-on is liberating. We know what to do and often are paralyzed by our emotions. Even the wisest among us can fall victim to the “If you’re happy/sad/angry/stressed/bored … have a snack” routine.

This campaign is brilliant … and you just might have a (former) member back. I’m healthy and no longer engage in unhealthy behaviors … but my jeans as snug which is usually my cue for time to reign it in; I could use a little motivation. Couldn’t we all??

Now about those two Oreo balls I stress-ate tonight …? Well, tomorrow’s a new day.

A Decade of Dieting

In spite of never being particularly thin, I never dieted a day in my life until I was 24 years old. On April 13, 2004 I made the fast and furious decision to follow my mom’s lead and join Weight Watchers because, as the ads promise … it works.

As many of you long-time readers know, my journey wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. The first eight months on WW, I lost 35 pounds — dropping from a size 12 to a size 6. I did this through simple diet changes, learning about portion control, and upping my fitness ante. I loved my new body, but feared it was on loan. So, in an effort to stay thin at any and all accounts, I began a slow spiral into the secretive world of disordered eating. Because I wasn’t super-thin, no one assumed I had “an issue” … and furthermore, as a chewer and spitter, I always ate and never actually purged. So if I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, I was OK! Continue reading “A Decade of Dieting”

Journaling for Success

This weekend I had lunch with a dear friend I met online through Weight Watchers several years ago. Since then, our friendship has extended well beyond the realms of dieting and weight loss, and I’ve come to consider her a really awesome friend.

We got to talking about journaling and, knowing that — weight loss, maintenance, or gain, I’ve been a diligent journaler — she asked if I still kept a food journal/tracked my Points. Continue reading “Journaling for Success”

Willpower, Wantpower … Call it whatever; I don’t have any!

I plain out admitted to a friend last week that I don’t have the willpower OR the “wantpower” to actually lose weight. I later shared the sentiment with my Weight Watchers chat friends … and hearing myself say it was kind of life-affirming — cheesy as it sounds.

It’s not that I don’t think I’d look better without a couple pounds on me; surely I would! And it’s not that I wouldn’t feel better weighing a little less; again, surely I would!

But I don’t have the where-with-all/desire to diet (other than loosely following WW, going over my Points each week — oops) … to cut out things like sugar and bread and whatnot. I know it would work if I made the effort — but I’m just not there. And I don’t know that I’ll ever go back there. Continue reading “Willpower, Wantpower … Call it whatever; I don’t have any!”

Accountability

I began Weight Watchers (online) in 2004 completely alone. My mom had had success with the program, and I had a feeling if I just gave it a go, it’d work. Being in a long-distance international relationship, with family far away, all I had to focus on was myself and my friends. It was the most selfish time of my life and, admittedly, that’s partially what I credit to getting me to my goal in December 2004. I lost 35 pounds and was a lean (but solid) size 6.

What also helped me get to goal with this fabulous group of women I met online in September 2004 on the Weight Watchers message boards. We dubbed ourselves the Weekend Sabatogers. We’d post several times a day on our thread sharing menu ideas, workouts, weekly weigh-ins (WI) and Weight Watchers-related stuff at first. But in time, we grew closer and shared much more personal things, celebrating each other’s joys as well as not-so-joyful times. Continue reading “Accountability”

Things that make you go hmmmm…

This week I completely expected to see a gain on the scale–even though it was supposed to be my first week back “OP” (what we Weight Watchers refer to as “on program” or “on plan”).

Last week I made it to the gym at 5:30 M-Th as I’d hoped, and took Friday off. I planned to go to Zumba Saturday but hubby had a study group and daycare at the gym doesn’t open til 9 (class is at 8:15) and then Sunday we had too much going on to carve out time to go, so I made do with long walks and lots of house-cleaning. But in spite of thinking more about my choices, my eating was still pretty craptastic … and I went over my Points by 48.

Seriously, again! #FAIL Continue reading “Things that make you go hmmmm…”

Sugar Woes

I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend — sorry for the lapse in posting but we took an 11-hour road-trip to Annapolis for Luis’s 10-year USNA class reunion.

It was a blast–lots of wonderful quality time spent with our besties and a football game to boot–but exhausting and I just haven’t been able to muster up the strength to blog, pathetic as it sounds!!!

I haven’t been to the dentist since December 16, 2010 — 2 days before I was scheduled to have Maya — and I had to cancel a few appointments at the 6-mth mark so yesterday was my first trip in ages.

I braced myself for the verdict of at least one cavity … but, like last time and the time before, I had NONE! Go me! (–>tossing confetti) Continue reading “Sugar Woes”

When words just won’t do

I had all these grandiose ideas for blog topics this week running through my head as we went about town today. I couldn’t wait to get home and get blogging. Then on our way to Sam’s Club this afternoon, while Luis was driving and we were chatting, I was scanning my news feed on Facebook and came across a status that made my heart literally break in two.

A fellow poster from the Weight Watchers message boards wrote that she had no other way to explain to the masses … but that she had lost her six-year-old son yesterday.

They think his little heart just went out. Continue reading “When words just won’t do”

Where’s My Megaphone?!

I’ve been really good about not letting the scale impact my life recently … and, in fact, have been so good that I’ve avoiding it completely!

Truth be told, I just didn’t care to see the number. My pre-pregnancy clothes (albeit not my pre-pre-pregnancy clothes) all fit again and that was a better gauge than the scale.

So imagine my surprise when, after a month of going over my WW Points and not stepping on the scale, I found myself seeing a number that was 1.6 lbs BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight at the doctor’s office last week — a number which was further confirmed on my home scale. Continue reading “Where’s My Megaphone?!”

Food Evolutions

Now that Maya is starting to eat solids (rice cereal with her 10 AM feeding — soon to be coupled with fruit; a veggie with her 4 PM feeding; a little more cereal with her 7 PM feeding), a whole new world has opened up for our family.

Watching her slurp up her solids (and getting them ALL over her face or all over ME when she blows raspberries with a full mouth [manners will come later!]), attempt to “chew” with her gums, and open her little birdie mouth for the spoon (it’s the cutest thing!) I got to thinking about how my own relationship with food has evolved since my infancy.

I’ve said before that my disordered habits didn’t begin til 2005, a year AFTER I lost weight on Weight Watchers. But looking back at my food history, I noticed there were some not-so-obvious hints at a future problem.

I could sum my evolution in seven phases: Childhood (ages 0-13), High School, College, Weight Watchers, Borderline Orthorexia, Chewing/Spitting, Pregnancy, and Now. Continue reading “Food Evolutions”