Triggers of a Different Kind

Triggers of all kinds exist everywhere.

Whether you’re a recovering alcoholic, drug addict, binge eater, shopaholic, disordered eater … triggers exist everywhere in life and they seem just as prominent in the blogosphere — where we choose what we read (whereas we have limited choice over what we see when we walk, shop, work, eat, etc).

I know at my worst, I couldn’t read some blogs because I felt the blogger was masking disordered eating behaviors , or because the focus was (what I thought to be extreme) weight loss, or because they were not recovered and still struggling (to the point where the posts made me uncomfortable).

I knew what I needed, and those blogs weren’t it. So I deleted them from my Google Reader. I should note that I’ve gone back to some of them. But there are some I just can’t read. It’s nothing personal against the blogger themselves, but more my own frame of reference or, shall I say, where I was at at the time.

The difference with all of these triggers is that most of them are not visible to the naked eye in real life.

Pregnancy, however, is. Continue reading “Triggers of a Different Kind”

When Logic Fails

Anxiety is rearing its ugly head once again.

Or maybe it’s not anxiety; I don’t know for sure. Maybe it’s just fatigue? Whatever it is, I don’t like it.

I know I’ve said it quite a bit recently, but for the past few months, I’ve been having trouble with not giving in to temptations.

Logic says: If I didn’t buy it, I wouldn’t eat it.

You’d never see me order a cheeseburger or fries at a restaurant (I prefer to make meals like that at home, modified to my liking where I’m controlling the ingredients and can “healthify” the meal) .

Yet I seem to have no problem buying trashy processed Chex Mix and lack-luster chocolate bars that I’ll take a bite of before tossing–wasting both hard-earned money and precious calories that could be/should be spent on nutritious options. Continue reading “When Logic Fails”

Coasting Along, When I Need to “Shut Up and Drive”

anatomy-of-a-teen-wreck-01-afThough I don’t weigh any less than I did seven months ago, I have to marvel at the fact that it’s been nearly seven months since I’ve chewed and spit.

Wow.

Truth be told, I really believed I’d lose weight when I stopped c/s (since my intake and exercise haven’t changed) but as it turns out, I’ve maintained this whole time.

Which isn’t such a bad thing, but still. You can imagine my disappointment, but really there’s only one person to blame: me.

I think the reason why I’m not losing is simple and obvious: I’ve not been eating as cleanly as I could, and I’ve been ingesting a lot of the triggers I used to c/s (SUGAR!!) … so now I need to stop buying/eating said triggers.  Continue reading “Coasting Along, When I Need to “Shut Up and Drive””

A Dollar A Day

Piggy bankI’ve confessed I have a wee bit of a shopping problem, and that one of the biggest problems with my history of chewing and spitting was that I was wasting food (i.e., money) left and rightliterally.

Fortunately, I haven’t chewed/spit in well over three monthshurrah, me!

But I’ve still had trouble buying stuff and just taking a bite before chucking it, when I know deep down I just don’t need it, yet I emotionally want it for whatever the reason du jour.

And, more importantly, if I’m not going to be eating the whole thing anyway (in a day, or a week), why bother buying it in the first place?

My best friend and I were dorm mates all through college, and it always amazed me how she could have a pack of M&Ms on her desk that could last for a week.

She has a serious sweet tooth like me (hello, it’s naturally part of why we’re BFF!). And if she wanted to eat the whole pack in a day, she would eat it, no prob.

But if it was in front of me or on my desk for a minute, chances were, it’d be gone, whether I wanted it or not — for me, it’s often emotional; she doesn’t struggle with that attachment to food like I always have.

So about three weeks ago, after a talk with my husband (where I shared how I really want to grasp the concept of saving better) he suggested a good, easy idea I could start immediately: putting just a dollar a day in a little jar at home (vs. sliding money into my savings account, which just feels automatic and cold).

Just a buck. No big commitment, right? Continue reading “A Dollar A Day”