What I’m Looking Forward to … And Not-So-Much

I’m two weeks and a day away from this incredible, amazing, life-altering goat rodeo we call childbirth and motherhood, in which there are no real rules (only what works for you … which is subject to change) and in which it’s totally instinct-driven.

Of course, this being my second time on the proverbial goat, I feel seasoned. Prepared. Confident.

And totally scared out of my mind. Continue reading “What I’m Looking Forward to … And Not-So-Much”

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Easier Second Time Around?

I never thought I would a mom who breastfed. My mom didn’t breastfeed me and the idea grossed me out for a very long time. Of course, as I got older I came to know/understand the whole “breast is best” philosophy spewed by everyone and their mom … and figured if/when the time came, I’d give it the old college try.

I just never expected myself to last as long as I did. Continue reading “Easier Second Time Around?”

Second Time Around

This pregnancy has been different from my pregnancy with Maya for a whole host of reasons.

1) Anxiety levels = DOWN. While I was an anxious mess all nine months of my pregnancy with Maya (with just cause), this go around, it’s not that I’m not anxious this time, but rather it isn’t consuming my thoughts. To put my mind at ease, I did do the prenatal testing I said I would, but I have a toddler demanding my time (rightfully so) and she is my top priority. In fact, unless I catch sight of my belly in a mirror or someone asks how I’m feeling, aside from the constant need to use the ladies room, it’s easy for me to forget I am six months pregnant. Last time I obsessed over each BabyCenter weekly update; this time I’ve only read a couple and don’t even know what size fruit/veggie Baby Boy is unless someone asks and I check TheBump.com (this week: cauliflower!). Continue reading “Second Time Around”

Attached yet disconnected

Inside my body, my son (that’s the first time I’ve typed that out!) is attached to me via an umbilical cord — providing him nutrients and, essentially, life.

He kicks me constantly and makes his presence known throughout the day … but — and I’m sad/ashamed to say this — I feel entirely disconnected from him.

It’s not because I don’t love him already or want to feel connected. Not at all. After digging deep into my own thoughts, I’ve concluded the reason why is because he doesn’t yet have a name. Continue reading “Attached yet disconnected”

Why I’m Going for the Repeat C-Section

C-sections get a bum rap.

Contrary to what you might have seen in a film like The Business of Being Born, though nearly a third of births end up being cesareans, not all cesareans are done because a patient thinks it would be “easier” or because a doctor wants to schedule it so he/she can go on vacation.

Sure, those cases do exist–and I’ve learned not to judge a woman for her choice of birth, period … but let’s be honest. There’s nothing “easy” about major abdominal surgery — and, frankly, it’s more expensive than a vaginal birth … so it isn’t about saving pennies, either. Continue reading “Why I’m Going for the Repeat C-Section”

Short Fused

Of all the “mommy guilt” spewed about in the media, I think the worst kind of mommy guilt is the kind we put on ourselves.

Maya is a great kid most of the time. But she IS two and it doesn’t take a genius to know that two-year-olds are challenging little people — fun, to be sure … but challenging.

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I was playing Mommy and Daddy all week (and she sensed my stress and was extra-disobedient as a result), the fact that I’m 17.5 weeks pregnant and am, therefore, moody/impatient/exhausted/bloated … or if it’s a combination of the above … but I had a short fuse all weekend with Maya — and felt positively awful about it. Continue reading “Short Fused”