Rejected

Everyone experiences rejection — it’s a fact of life. But I don’t handle rejection well.

When, in sixth grade, I found out that my crush liked me a lot … but only as a friend … it stung.

When, in eighth grade, I didn’t make the competitive cheerleading team … it stung. (I should note, I went on to be one of only four freshmen to make the JV team the following year; go figure).

When, in college, my heart was broken by a guy I thought was “the one” … it stung. (Clearly, he wasn’t the one; three years later I met Luis! :))

And, when in the work force I saw others get promotions when I only got raises … it stung.

But now, I’ve experienced the biggest rejection to date. Continue reading “Rejected”

The Littlest Firecracker

Happy Fourth of July!

I can’t believe how bad I’ve been about 1) blogging and 2) holding to my own “commitments.”

Despite my best efforts, I discovered that AM workouts are not going to happen at this juncture in my life … and that I need to accept it and make the most of my evening workouts.

Why? Well … I gave it a trial run, the old college try. I slept in my gym clothes (things I used to do to make getting to the gym in the AM easier), laid out my sneakers and set my alarm for 5 AM. Should have been a piece of cake, right?

#EpicFail. Continue reading “The Littlest Firecracker”

“What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”

For as much as I’m the eternal optimist, I also tend to be a worry-wart : hoping for the best, but freaking out about the (potential for the) worst. I blame my dad for this personality trait.

“It might snow on Thursday — we should cancel the weekend plans!”, he’d say if the weathermen (who were usually wrong) predicted a storm. In truth, it’s just that he is concerned about all things weather and safety related, and he’s passed down his neuroses to me, his first-born daughter.

For as impulsive as I can be when it comes to shopping and food, as a Libra, I tend to hem and haw before making a decision, seeing both sides to every story and often struggling the find the “right” answer.

Which brings me to today. Continue reading ““What’s the Worst That Could Happen?””

Breastfeeding ROI

If my breasts were a business, any financial analyst would have recommended I close shop a long time ago. My ROI (return on investment) sucks.

You see, I pump all day long … including four sessions at work … and make 10-12 oz. of milk for Maya. Basically, two bottles of the five she drinks in a day.

And it’s exhausting.

While our little munchkin has been sleeping through the night since she was eleven weeks old, I am still waking up to pump most mornings around 2 or 3 AM. I’d love to just skip that pump, but it’s an issue of supply and demand: my supply sucks as it is, and I don’t want to make it any worse by not pumping.

On top of that nightly annoyance, I’m sick of lugging my Medela Pump in Style Advanced bag and gear to work with me every day and I’m sick of leaving my desk four times a day to pump at the office and I’m sick of being tethered to tubes while we watch TV or I blog at night.

But yet I keep on keeping on.

Because while one little angel on my shoulder whispers, “Breast is best” and encourages me that any little bit I can give her is better than none  and reminds me of all the health benefits of it … the other little angel on my shoulder says, “You’ve given it your all. Maya has gotten a great start. Be kind to yourself; it’s OK to stop.” (Notice they are BOTH angels; there is no “right” and “wrong” here, only what’s “right” for me  — and what is right for me seems to change day to day). Continue reading “Breastfeeding ROI”

Pumpaholic

I’m a pumpaholic and I’m learning it doesn’t really gel well with being back at work. [insert sigh]

Allow me to explain …

You see, I had no dreams or visions of breastfeeding during my pregnancy. It was something I hoped to do if I could, but didn’t see myself doing it for more than six months. I knew that any milk I could give Maya was better than no milk and so I made it my mission to breast feed.

She had a great latch, so we never had issues with that … the problem has always been me and my supply. Continue reading “Pumpaholic”

I Cry Over Spilled Milk

I’m a breastfeeding mom who prefers pumping to nursing. Don’t get me wrong; I love it when Maya nurses …it’s a primitive and beautiful bonding experience and one that has definitely made me feel closer to her, especially when she’s staring up at me with those big baby blues.

I just don’t want to do it all day/every day. And in a couple weeks, I’ll be going back to work anyway.

Since I don’t make enough for her on my own, I’m still supplementing formula (probably 8-12 oz a day; in total, she’s taking in roughly 28-32 oz a day) so it’s not like she isn’t familiar with a bottle, and pumping has provided a great way for my husband (or eager family members/friends) with a way to feed her, too. Continue reading “I Cry Over Spilled Milk”

Call Me Bessie …

First of all, Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you had a wonderful time with your family and friends over the holiday and look forward to what 2011 has to offer. My mom, dad, brother and sister were here visiting us in Michigan and it was an amazing weekend–I was SO sad when they left!

But anyway, no time for shmoopiness. On to today’s post …

So … after five days of pumping, nursing for longer durations/more frequently and supplementing formula, Maya was up a whopping 9 ounces to 6 lbs 3 oz at her doctor’s appointment today, just one ounce shy of her birth weight!

To say we were elated would be a grand understatement.I felt like I had accomplished the goal myself, even though it was all Maya’s doing.

She’s eating like every two to two-and-a-half hours now — which is pretty exhausting — but it’s worth it to see her gaining on the scale! Most babies are back to their birth weights by two weeks, and so we are a little behind (she’s 16 days old today) but the nurse wasn’t too concerned so neither are we. She was very pleased with Maya’s big gain!

The downside of her weight gain — I honestly feel like Bessie the cow!

While I’m happy to be able to do it and think breast feeding is a beautiful thing — and feel it can be quite soothing/relaxing at times — I have to be honest; I don’t LOVE it. Continue reading “Call Me Bessie …”

… From 3-Hour Intervals to 2-Hour Intervals

Well, we had Maya’s weight check-in today and unfortunately, my little girl lost weight.

She was 6 lbs 4 oz at birth; 5 lbs 9 oz when we left the hospital; 5 lbs 12.5 oz last Thursday (YEA, adequate gain!) … and then 5 lbs 10 oz today (BOO, she lost and lost a lot).

Which means she is not getting enough from my breast milk alone. 😦

I realize this happens to a lot of women, but I hoped it wouldn’t happen to me. I hoped I’d be able to fully sustain her on my own … but it doesn’t look that way, at least not for now.

I’m not giving up … but it was definitely not the news I wanted to hear. It does explain, though, why she gets so fussy late at night and seems to go in for the kill at feeding times; little baby girl is HANGRY! Continue reading “… From 3-Hour Intervals to 2-Hour Intervals”