I plain out admitted to a friend last week that I don’t have the willpower OR the “wantpower” to actually lose weight. I later shared the sentiment with my Weight Watchers chat friends … and hearing myself say it was kind of life-affirming — cheesy as it sounds.
It’s not that I don’t think I’d look better without a couple pounds on me; surely I would! And it’s not that I wouldn’t feel better weighing a little less; again, surely I would!
Confession: I’ve been on an eating bender for the past few months. Between vacations (Jamaica, Massachusetts, Mexico City), work events, meals out, date night … I’ve been a little piggy.
All the things I know I don’t need, know I can do without … I’ve given into them all … and all at once. Where I’d usually stop at one piece of chocolate, I eat four. Where I’d usually ignore store-bought cookies (not worth the calories), I’ve succumbed to their sugar-laden glory. Where I’d maybe share a few bites of dessert out, I go half-sies.
This might sound like a big fat “duh” response to weight loss … but my appetite for food didn’t necessarily shrink, too.
And it irked me, especially once I settled into a comfortable weight range, that I could be satisfied on less … especially when “less” was becoming smaller and smaller portions.
The truth is, I like to eat, and always have. I’m not an over-eater, but I’ve always enjoyed food — talking about it, thinking about it, and now as I’ve gotten older, reading or writing about it, too.
And if I go to the trouble of weighing and measuring my food like I do, I want to be able to eat it. All of it. I feel “entitled” to it. It’s “mine.”
This is why my plate is usually loaded first and foremost with fruits and veggies: I get the biggest bang for my buck with them. I can be part of the Clean Plate Club if I want to be, and not feel uncomfortable about my choices.
As a little girl, some of my favorite family memories are of buffets we’d go to on vacation. While visiting relatives down south, we’d always stop at Shoney’s … the Holy Grail of quick, economical road eats.
For my parents, it was easy: all three nagging kids could get what they wanted, and without the fuss of a sit-down restaurant.
As we got older, we’d go to buffet brunches at nice restaurants or hotels on holidays or special occassions. I’d usually stuff myself senseless, going up for seconds, thirds … (why not?) as we’d languish around the table.
In college, our dining hall was catered by Marriott, various food stations and … all you can eat. And ate I did.