Chicken and Egg

babychickI’m almost done with Monica Seles’s book, Getting a Grip, and a review will be coming later this week. I will say this: I’ve had a very hard time putting it down; it’s that good.

One of the lines that really resonated was when, during one of the lowest moments in Monica’s struggle with her weight, her coach tells her, “It’s not your game, it’s your head that needs work.”

Oh boy, can I relate … I think many of us probably can, even if weight or recovery isn’t your challenge, all too often our mental state impedes our ability to make progress or change.

Monica writes, “I knew that once my head was screwed on straight, the pounds would fall off and I’d be back in top form. But I couldn’t get my head clear unless my size-ten clothes felt loose. It was a chicken and egg dilemma. Did my self-confidence need to return before my body got back to its ideal level or was my self-confidence a result of feeling like I looked great in my tennis skirt?”

How often do we feel this way, feel this struggle between the chicken and the egg — be it weight loss, recovery, winning a game, earning a job, opening a business, finding the man/woman of our dreams … anything really: which comes first, the confidence, or the sensation of confidence that allows us to reach for our goals or our dreams?

Or do we need to “fake it til we make it?” Continue reading “Chicken and Egg”


The Party’s Over … or Just Beginning?

party-hatRoughly four weeks ago I decided that I was in control of my chewing and spitting behavior and that I could, indeed, CHOOSE not to do it. That I could be proud of my choices, not feel guilty for them.

In the two weeks that followed, I found myself over-eating on foods I used to chew/spit … and over-exercising. (I don’t share a recap of my days here like some bloggers do, but that’s the honest truth).

This past week, my exercise was more normalized, and I didn’t buy quite as many triggers. I also took a rest day (and will tomorrow, a travel day) … but I have been still eating more than I need to (for someone who still wants to lose weight and get back to where I feel my best).

Mostly, it’s been giving in to that-time-of-the-month cravings (which ends today, phew!), not flexing my resistance muscle, and just plain enjoying more than usual … (which isn’t such a bad thing, if I were able to be happy with my figure as it is … some days I am, other days … I’m not … call me Goldilocks, looking for something that’s juuuuuuuuuuuust right).

But as I’ve noted here, I’ve also eaten chocolate in the privacy of my car or at my work cufice that I know I just don’t need — and the secretive, sneaky way I do it … I wouldn’t want my friends, coworkers, husband, family to see. It’s embarassing.

So it is my hope that this coming week, I’ll finally see growth, evidence of that happy medium. Continue reading “The Party’s Over … or Just Beginning?”

Beating Ana: The Long-Awaited Review

mailA while ago, I was asked to review the new book, Beating Ana, by Shannon Cutts. This weekend, I finally had a chance to read her work.

Though I personally have never experienced anorexia or bulimia — both of which she successfully recovered from — I really liked the easy flow of her writing, and the positive tone she carries throughout the book.

(Disclaimer: I’ve never read a recovery book, so I honestly didn’t know what to expect).

But even as someone who never dealt with the severe mental illnesses she did, I can still relate on my own level. I’d recommend this book to anyone ready to take that step.

I liked how she makes the connection that, in recovery, relationships replace eating disorders. Continue reading “Beating Ana: The Long-Awaited Review”

Sleep Cycles & Exercise

For the past four years, I woke most mornings at 5:15 to exercise … after getting 5-6 hours sleep the previous night.

Part of me loved/craved that feeling of virtuousity but the truth was, at the height of my exercise addiction, I feared if I didn’t exercise first thing … other things could pop up that would impede my workout because in my disordered mind, ‘I-need-to-burn-x-calories-today.’

It was pathetic.

I mean, I pride myself on my devotion to fitness and any time one can get it in is awesome … but I was crossing a line. I was going to bed at midnight and waking five hours later to repeat the same cycle over and over again. Continue reading “Sleep Cycles & Exercise”