So my SELF subscription still hasn’t run out yet, which means I’m still reading each issue I get.
Though I loathe the magazine editor’s ‘tude (and find her lame excuses pitiful) following the Kelly Clarkson cover debacle in September, I genuinely like the content of SELF and, in fact, came across another great article yesterday that both rejuvenated and inspired me to get back on the healthy wagon and stay there.
I can’t find the article online, but it was basically little journal entries of a woman’s journey as she lost 28 lbs. over the course of a year.
Reading her words — including her ups and downs — reminded me so much of my own journey, and of my former self … the dedicated dieter who attempted weight loss just once and it worked like a charm. Continue reading “Attaching a Goal to a Mantra”→
After every major event I’ve planned — be it for work (a press conference, a symposium, a meeting) … or for fun (a party, my wedding, a vacation), following the immediate high of said momentous occasion/event, there’s always that immediate feeling of OK … now what?!
I think that’s part of being one of those people who is always looking four steps ahead and struggles (as I’ve acknowledged here many times) with being content “in the moment” and not looking beyond it towards something else.
The holidays for me are another “event” — and though this year was different in that we weren’t with immediate family or travel anywhere, I still feel that unsettling sense of “OK, now what?”
Couple this temporary lapse into a depression (which many people experience this time of year) with disappointment in myself (a result of my tighter-than-I’d-like-them-to-be jeans and WAY too many sweets) and you very well *could* have recipe for disaster.
If awareness is half the recovery battle (the other half being the change that ensues), then what is it when you are aware that your behavior isn’t helping any, and you know it, but continue to do it?
I hate to admit it, but lately I feel like I’ve been stuck in this cycle where I’m waking and eating again on autopilot (not every night, but all too often), which means I’m eating more than I need to be eating … and then exercising the next day to “undo” the damage.
It’s that disordered brain coming back, and I don’t like it one bit. I can’t even blame it on anxiety or stress … this has been a very relaxing and fun summer, good on both personal and professional levels … so what gives?!
This past week, my exercise was more normalized, and I didn’t buy quite as many triggers. I also took a rest day (and will tomorrow, a travel day) … but I have been still eating more than I need to (for someone who still wants to lose weight and get back to where I feel my best).
Mostly, it’s been giving in to that-time-of-the-month cravings (which ends today, phew!), not flexing my resistance muscle, and just plain enjoying more than usual … (which isn’t such a bad thing, if I were able to be happy with my figure as it is … some days I am, other days … I’m not … call me Goldilocks, looking for something that’s juuuuuuuuuuuust right).
But as I’ve noted here, I’ve also eaten chocolate in the privacy of my car or at my work cufice that I know I just don’t need — and the secretive, sneaky way I do it … I wouldn’t want my friends, coworkers, husband, family to see. It’s embarassing.
Today’s a confessional post. No, it’s not about midnight eating — I’ve been in the clear for a while.
I am struggling with my journaling on Sparkpeople. Not the act of journaling — I’m a pro at that. But rather about a pickle I’ve gotten myself into. See, my caloric range is 1270-1570. Not terrible, provided I stick to it; it’s a perfectly acceptable range and most days, totally do-able.
I’ve discovered on WW I was eating too much to lose. I lose when I’m in the 1400-1500 range with my usual exercise (which would be basically WW target points plus a couple Flex) but the past two weeks, after a kick-ass first week back on Sparkpeople, I’ve simply not been able to get it together.
What I mean is, I had one high day two weeks ago, and I’ve been “buying calories” for the next day ever since … Technically this isn’t cheating, as I am not going above my limit for the week, but it’s cheating because I am not in my range that one day.
And I gained last week — the same 1.4 I’d lost the previous week. Sure, it could have been a fluke (I hadn’t weighed in all week and didn’t this weekend, either) but I am sure eating at the high end of my range isn’t helping me any. Continue reading “A Challenging Weekend”→
Depending on where I am mentally or emotionally, sometimes I can have a bag of pretzels at home for two months without going near them or thinking about them …
Other times I can enjoy a small handful now and then and be done with them …
And other times, I can’t get them in the trash quickly enough.
I hate to be wasteful, and I realize how awful it is to throw out food (why buy it in the first place?!). But I liken “what is a trigger food” to how sometimes my IBS (which has been much better the past five years on WW) can flare up from eating, say, tomato sauce one day, and the next day I’ll be fine with it …