Keeping Myself Accountable

I knew that if I tweeted about planning my morning workout last night, that I’d have no choice but to DO IT. I don’t know why it made me feel so accountable, but it did.

Though I see the value in them, I don’t plan to become one of those people who has a fitness tracker app that posts to Facebook or Twitter — and I won’t be detailing my workouts for the world to see. But today I was really proud of myself for doing it … and keeping myself accountable in the process. Continue reading “Keeping Myself Accountable”

Making Commitments

I’m rarely late. Anyone that knows me knows that, even with a baby in tow, I’m rarely late. [When I am, it’s usually because my lovely HUSBAND is running late … not me].

I’m pretty good on my commitments. If I tell a client he or she will have something by end of day, I might have to crack some knuckles … but, generally speaking, it will get done. Likewise, if I make plans with a friend, the only reason they’d be broken is if I’m sick.

But lately, as you’ve probably gathered from my blog posts, I’m sucking on my commitments to myself in terms of eating well, planning out my meals, and organizing my fitness schedule.

So I’m making a commitment here on the blog, today, June 22. I need to get my @!#@! together. Continue reading “Making Commitments”

Introspection

As odd as it may seem (being a regular blogger and journaler who tends to over-think everything from the color of my bra to the next word I am about to type) … I haven’t had much time for introspection the past three months since Maya was born.

I’ve been living every moment and trying to enjoy and remember them all, knowing time with a newborn is precious and short, and soon she’ll be walking and talking! But I’ll be honest– it hasn’t always been easy.

The first two months I was (like all new moms) completely sleep-deprived and living on adrenaline, just trying to get from one feeding to the next, trying to learn her cries and sounds. By her third month I finally felt like I had the knack of what I was doing, and it was all about trying to get her on a regular sleep/nap schedule in prep for baby school (or daycare for new readers). Continue reading “Introspection”

Can I Have Two More Hours, PLEASE?!

Once I was given the green light to exercise at my six-week post-partum check-up, I was ready and rarin’ to go.

I would bring Maya to the gym and put her in the daycare there for 45-60 minutes while I busted my butt on the Precor. I went during her nap time so as not to disrupt her schedule too much, and all was well in the world. Maya napped, Mama got her sweat on. I assumed when I went back to work, I’d figure out what the best time is for me to work out and thought 5:30 AM (when the gym opens) sounded good.

Then I went back to work yesterday and realized that it was slightly delusional to think I’d be able to get up and to the gym at 5:30. Why? Not because I’m too tired or lazy, but because it takes from 5:30-7:30 to get out the door!!!

It comes down to this: I need a few more hours in my day … preferably of the early morning variety. Continue reading “Can I Have Two More Hours, PLEASE?!”

Why I’ll Work

First of all, thank you SO much for the tons of support you’ve given me in my last post, in particular. It means so much to me and all your suggestions were great ones.

I know tomorrow (my dry-run half-day) will be just a little test, but it will be a good prep for how a day will actually go next week when she goes to daycare and this coming week when I go back to work.

Reader LG asked me to write a post about what led to my decision to go back to work and I had thought about writing something like this a while ago and this seems like as good timing as any … plus, if I ever have doubts, I can go back to this post for affirmation I’m doing the right thing.

Truthfully, I had always assumed I’d return to work after having a baby. Though my mom was a SAHM til I was in sixth grade, we live in a very different world and staying home just isn’t an option for me at the moment — which tears me up.

Career. I have an amazing  job at a top digital advertising agency. I work mostly independently and have a lot of creative freedom — I basically have molded my position and am very fortunate to love my job. And I’m going to be working Fridays from home, which is great. The other reason I want to continue working from a career-standpoint is that my husband will graduate with his MBA this December and we could be moving in the next year or two, so I would like to work as long as possible–especially if, after we have a second baby someday, I end up  working part-time and/or remotely (ideally in my current role!). So we’ll see … but it just didn’t make sense to stop working now when I honestly love what I do and where I work. What sucks is that it means for 9 hours a day, I’ll be apart from Maya.

Social Stimulation. I’m a social animal. Anyone who knows me in real life knows this to be true. I love people, am a people-person, and I thrive in the company of others. (Probably explains why I’m in public relations and am a blogger!) The friends I’ve made at work are some of the best I’ve ever had, and I love being challenged. At work, I’ve had to get over my fear of public speaking and feel very much a part of the fabric of our culture there … I’d miss not being a part of the excitement that comes with working at such an awesome place … (OK, it’s not rosy all the time but bear with me!). And the adult interaction will no doubt be good for me — though my whole leave I toted Maya all over the place and she got lots of socialization, too 🙂

Finances. In 2010 I got out of all the personal debt I’d racked up before my husband and I got married, so I finally felt a little financial security that was different than the financial security I feel for us as a couple. It took four years to do it — and it wasn’t easy — but I did it. (I’d like to thank my husband’s kick-ass Excel and budgeting skills for that!). So I finally had personal savings, in addition to our shared savings. For someone as admittedly financially irresponsible as myself, it really made a difference in how I saw the contents of my bank account. I enjoyed having that extra wiggle room, and would like to continue to have that wiggle room, independent of what my husband and I share. While we could probably swing it with just one salary, it’d be hard — and so I feel like I should work as long as I can.

All in all, I know working is the right decision for me right now, but I’m not gonna lie — it hurts.

OK … I started this post last night, and am finishing it now (Friday). I dropped Maya off this morning for a four-hour trial. My husband was with me, but he wasn’t nearly as choked up as me — he loves her to pieces, but he’s been away from her at work all the time and keeps telling me she’ll be fine … he doesn’t understand what only a mom can … it’s inexplicable.

It killed me walking out. I mean, the daycare we chose is fabulous and comes highly recommended and they have a webcam I can watch at any time … but still, the house feels painfully empty. I’m hearing phantom cries and everything … I miss her already. It’s like a piece of me is not here … a very weird sensation. I know it’ll get easier … it will.

And fortunately I’ll mostly be on pick-up duty vs drop-off but still!!

OK well, I better get going because I need to shower and pick Maya up soon but wanted to put these thoughts down so thank you, LG, for spurring that!! For all the working moms out there, I know you can all relate to how I’m feeling … thank you for the support!

 

The Last Week of Mommy and Maya Before Reality Hits

Sorry for the blog hiatus!

With my hubby gone last week til Saturday there was literally no time to blog, and then a wonderful friend and her baby visited Sunday-Monday, and now this is my last week of maternity leave so I don’t plan on being on the computer much — but wanted to say hello to anyone who is still reading. I know I’ve not been much of a blogger these days but rest assured, I’ll be back more regularly soon! I just need this time for me, selfish as it sounds.

I really can’t believe these eleven weeks have flown by so quickly … our little girl is blossoming before our eyes and just such a treasure to watch.I’m going to miss her SOOOO much but I have to remember this will be harder on me than on her. I broke down Saturday night when my husband came home, crying hysterically to my husband. We talked through it and ultimately I know it’s the right decision to return to work … but it doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Continue reading “The Last Week of Mommy and Maya Before Reality Hits”