Sugar Woes

I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend — sorry for the lapse in posting but we took an 11-hour road-trip to Annapolis for Luis’s 10-year USNA class reunion.

It was a blast–lots of wonderful quality time spent with our besties and a football game to boot–but exhausting and I just haven’t been able to muster up the strength to blog, pathetic as it sounds!!!

I haven’t been to the dentist since December 16, 2010 — 2 days before I was scheduled to have Maya — and I had to cancel a few appointments at the 6-mth mark so yesterday was my first trip in ages.

I braced myself for the verdict of at least one cavity … but, like last time and the time before, I had NONE! Go me! (–>tossing confetti) Continue reading “Sugar Woes”


BLT Queen

No, not, not of the bacon-lettuce-tomato variety, but rather the “Bite-Licks-Taste” variety.

If I didn’t partake in BLTs throughout the day — all of which are, indeed, journaled but, indeed, VERY unnecessary … — I’d probably be well below my pre-pregnancy weight and closer to my comfortable weight/size!!

I am, 100 percent, a self-saboteur. Continue reading “BLT Queen”

Change is Good, Change is Good …

Random photo from my walk tonight --- luck?! 🙂

While our office is being completely renovated over the next three months, my 100+ co-workers and I have relocated to a new building just down the street that is well … let’s just say VERY different from our original space. I won’t go into the details, since it’s not really relevant to my blog, but one thing that IS relevant is how exposed we all are in this new space.

We’re sitting out in the open, in very close quarters, without the protection of our office walls. This means every time we speak on the phone, open a bag of pretzels, or get up to go to the bathroom is suddenly on display. And I have to admit, it’s weird! Some of my readers can attest to this. 😉

If anything, I think this will definitely cut back on mindless eating at work, because I won’t want to look like a piggy … previously, I could nosh all day if I wanted to, and no one would see me. Now, it’s like HELLO there she is! Continue reading “Change is Good, Change is Good …”

The Evil Binge Monster & Random Thoughts About Running

I’ve often said “awareness is half the battle” when it came to my disordered eating recovery process.

But the past two weeks — in spite of being painfully aware that I’ve been over-eating — or this past weekend, when I just gave in to emotional eating, period (borderlining on binges) — all the awareness in the world — even recognizing the “why” — hasn’t helped me stop.

I’m not channeling the CBT techniques I learned in therapy, like trying to occupy myself with other thoughts or doing something else when the impulse to eat strikes — recognizing food won’t fill a void but rather is just anesthetizing me to whatever I’m feeling, as Kara DioGuardi noted in this month’s Women’s Health cover story.

I’m basically just giving into the orange binge monster (WW’s adorable mascot) whatever, whenever. And it’s ugly. Continue reading “The Evil Binge Monster & Random Thoughts About Running”

Be All That You Can Be.

Today, as I sat at work eating mini Reese’s peanut butter cups on autopilot (taking a little nibble and tossing them, one by one) and docking the Points one by one, feeling like a temporary failure (knowing HELLO, I shouldn’t have bought them in the first place, let alone brought them in to the office, as they’re a trigger food …) I couldn’t help but wonder …

Doesn’t everyone want to be the best they can be?

Or is it just a few of us in this world that set really high expectations for ourselves and feel disappointed in ourselves when we “screw up?”

I don’t think it’s a crazy question to ask — with respect to recovery or life more generally. I think it’s human nature to want to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Continue reading “Be All That You Can Be.”

Step One

When you fail to plan, plan to fail.

It’s time for me to go back to WW 101. I’ve been on WW Online since April 13, 2004, but lord knows I could use a refresher.

What I did then that worked so well was to simply plan my meals. This doesn’t mean I was  obsessive and wed to the plans (things happen, surprise lunches, etc), but they did help me form my day. Continue reading “Step One”

When Logic Fails

Anxiety is rearing its ugly head once again.

Or maybe it’s not anxiety; I don’t know for sure. Maybe it’s just fatigue? Whatever it is, I don’t like it.

I know I’ve said it quite a bit recently, but for the past few months, I’ve been having trouble with not giving in to temptations.

Logic says: If I didn’t buy it, I wouldn’t eat it.

You’d never see me order a cheeseburger or fries at a restaurant (I prefer to make meals like that at home, modified to my liking where I’m controlling the ingredients and can “healthify” the meal) .

Yet I seem to have no problem buying trashy processed Chex Mix and lack-luster chocolate bars that I’ll take a bite of before tossing–wasting both hard-earned money and precious calories that could be/should be spent on nutritious options. Continue reading “When Logic Fails”

Weeding the Roots

dandelion2_previewThis weekend my husband and I went to a wedding in Cleveland with a bunch of friends.

We had a truly fabulous time (we laughed so much this weekend that our sides hurt!), and after we got home on Sunday afternoon, we decided to take advantage of the sunshine and warm-ish weather and get to work tending to the dandelions that sprouted up in the past week.

We worked as a team, him using the little digging gadget to get to the root of each ugly weed, and me trailing behind with a bag to collect the dead weeds.

Now, I admittedly don’t have a green thumb and have never really gotten into gardening. Even though my parents are both really into it and can usually be found on a weekend afternoon in the garden, I never joined them as a kid, and honestly don’t know much about it. Continue reading “Weeding the Roots”

Au Revoir: Tossing Triggers

What's your trigger?
What's your trigger?
Depending on where I am mentally or emotionally, sometimes I can have a bag of pretzels at home for two months without going near them or thinking about them …

Other times I can enjoy a small handful now and then and be done with them …

And other times, I can’t get them in the trash quickly enough.

I hate to be wasteful, and I realize how awful it is to throw out food (why buy it in the first place?!). But I liken “what is a trigger food” to how sometimes my IBS (which has been much better the past five years on WW) can flare up from eating, say, tomato sauce one day, and the next day I’ll be fine with it …

In other words, what might be a trigger today might definitely not be tomorrow. And it’s nearly impossible to predict, which makes playing “defense” hard. Continue reading “Au Revoir: Tossing Triggers”

Graze Much?

Happy Cows!
Happy Cows!
I always thought it was mindless eating, or emotional eating … but now I’m more convinced than ever that I’m just a grazer.

I seem to always have something in my mouth … or be talking. An oral fixation, if you will. My mouth is always moving, always doing something.

This isn’t new. Long before my disordered eating days — in middle school and into high school — my nickname was “Motormouth Melissa.”

In fact, I talked so much back then that my friends teased me about a ten-second rule … where I was supposed to think ten seconds before speaking. (Funny how that’s what I’m learning in therapy: to think before I speak!)

And I chewed a lot of ice and gum. Continue reading “Graze Much?”