Body dysmorphia during pregnancy

In 2004-2005, when I was on the slimmer side, I’d often look in the mirror and think I look bigger than I actually was (i.e., classic case of body dysmorphia). It made no sense … my clothes were three sizes smaller, I was leaner than ever in my life … yet I still saw “fat” … sad/pathetic as that is to say now.

Over time, I packed some pounds on — to the tune of half of my initial 35-lb weight loss. I actually made peace with my body at this half-way stage. I was maintaining that half-loss with very little effort and could eat what I wanted and enjoy. No, I wasn’t thin … but I was happy. Food didn’t rule me. Exercise didn’t dictate my life. It was completely freeing. Continue reading “Body dysmorphia during pregnancy”


Journaling for Success

This weekend I had lunch with a dear friend I met online through Weight Watchers several years ago. Since then, our friendship has extended well beyond the realms of dieting and weight loss, and I’ve come to consider her a really awesome friend.

We got to talking about journaling and, knowing that — weight loss, maintenance, or gain, I’ve been a diligent journaler — she asked if I still kept a food journal/tracked my Points. Continue reading “Journaling for Success”

Well Isn’t *That* Interesting …

Just for kicks, after my workout this morning I decided to step on the scale–something I haven’t done since June. I braced myself for a 3-4 lb gain and was surprised to see I only had gained 0.8 lb … and that I was still 0.8 below my pre-pregnancy weight.

This was surprising because, as I have noted here before, I have not been actively trying to lose weight. Oh, I’ve been journaling, alright … but I’ve been going over by 30, 40, 50 Points a week! (Read as … not watching my weight like a good Weight Watcher!)

Which got me thinking…if I could eat that way and pretty much MAINTAIN … imagine what I could do with just a smidge of effort? Not even a lot–just a little? The notion blew me away. Continue reading “Well Isn’t *That* Interesting …”

What Does “Too Thin For Her” Even MEAN?!

I admire Jennifer Hudson and her remarkable recent weight loss.

Coming off the most impossible of years, she looks fitter, healthier and happier than ever, and I’d give anything for that girl’s pipes!

In this week’s People, she says she is happy and doesn’t want to lose any more weight.

But reading the comments below the article, there are certainly mixed feelings. Some readers think she looks wonderful. Some think she looks “too thin for her” and others implied she hit a plateau and that’s why she is done losing. (To that I say “Whatever! The girl’s teensy!”)

My take? I think she looks great. She’s clearly thin and lean, but not bony or “scary-skinny.”

But I do think (and this isn’t necessarily a negative) that she looks very thin “for her” — in the same way at one point I probably looked very thin “for me” back at goal in 2004. Continue reading “What Does “Too Thin For Her” Even MEAN?!”

Maintenance is HARD

uphill-roadAfter living in “maintenance world” for almost four years now, I can verify that losing weight was easy and maintaining is damn hard.

OK … I guess it’s not too hard or I’d have gained all my weight back (not just 10-12), but my point is, it’s still not an easy feat and not one I take lightly.

I’ve said it before that when I joined Weight Watchers in April 2004, it was my first attempt at losing weight and worked like a charm. (Probably because I had never tried to lose weight before — even just skipping my daily sugary, whipped mint mochas was enough to cut calories back then).

In 2004 when I began, everything was beautiful. Magical. I loved the feeling of my clothes being loose, needing safety pins and then a new wardrobe, the attention from friends, co-workers, family, strangers … The way my body changed and with it, my brain. (Before the disordered eating behaviors and thoughts began, that is).

But keeping it off requires thought, preparation. Just like when losing — only magnified like twenty-fold. Continue reading “Maintenance is HARD”

“Happy” Weight Vs. “Fighting Weight”

Call it the weight loss/maintenance limbo: “How low are you willing to go?”

A couple months ago, SELF magazine had an article/quiz about finding your “happy” weight.

I had to laugh when it said my “happy weight” was 135, which ironically, had been my original WW goal.


Their idea of a “happy weight” is my idea of a “fighting weight,” a weight that I might not reach without serious deprivation or over-exercising … and even if I got there, it wouldn’t necessarily be maintainable in the long-term.

How do I know this? Well, the truth is (shhhh!!!), the lowest I ever got on Weight Watchers (on my old scale) was 138.4 (Note: on my new scale I never saw below 144).

I saw that “beautiful 138.4” twice, and nearly cried for joy seeing a “3” in my stats (though in reality it was probably not accurate).

And you know what? Both times I shot up to 142 the following week. At the time, I didn’t understand it. Until then, I’d been losing steadily, so why did I hit that wall? Continue reading ““Happy” Weight Vs. “Fighting Weight””

Our Own Worst Enemy

“Behavior is the key – changing it is the lock,” said a wise Weight Watcher recently on the Core message board.

She is so right; we are our own worst enemies. We have the power to unlock our potential and make positive changes in our lives, and often we don’t, or feel like we can’t … inadvertently holding ourselves back from reaching our goals.

And though she was referring to weight loss, the quote can be applied to virtually anything in life. For example, you can’t expect to ace your final exam if you haven’t studied the material all semester. You can’t dance in a recital if you don’t practice your routine. And you can’t write a novel if you don’t dedicate time to your craft.

I lost weight the old fashioned way–practicing eating less and exercising more until it became an ingrained habit. And because I changed my behavior by becoming a much cleaner eater and keeping up my exercise routine, most of the weight has stayed off. Continue reading “Our Own Worst Enemy”