Tag: judgment

the “perfection” myth

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Perfection doesn’t exist, for any one or any thing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

People, by nature, are flawed. And even the most incredible vacation or meal or outfit innately will have a flaw at some point (a nasty sunburn; food poisoning; a snag in our tights). We just tend to focus on the good because, well, that’s human nature.

We remember drinking piña coladas in the swim-up bar while the sun sets; sinking our fork into the incredible flourless chocolate torte drizzled with raspberry coulis; how sexy we felt dancing in that gorgeous little black dress that made heads turn.

We forget the flaws because the good outweighs the bad.

I’ve never ever — not even for a second, not in a million years– thought of myself as someone who others would see as “perfect” or as someone who has it all together. Not even close. Continue reading “the “perfection” myth” →

“I Not Listening”

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It’s a good thing she is cute because sometimes two really IS terrible.

“I not listening!” Oh yes. That’s what she told me tonight as she climbed back down the stairs after I told her it was bed-time.

As though it was a joke.

She had been testing me all night, and this was the icing on the cake. Wordlessly, I scooped her up — over-tired and thrashing her chubby hands and legs — and got her ready for bed … sans story. Oh yes, I went there. I kissed her and tucked her in, turned off the light and walked out. Continue reading ““I Not Listening”” →

Judgy, Judge, Judge … Stop the Insanity!

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“Natural” birth, C-section
Breastfeed, formula
Cloth diapers, disposables
Pacifier, no pacifier
Crib, co-sleep
Bumpers, empty crib
Baby-wear, stroller
Stay at home, daycare
Sleep train, soothe to sleep

What I’ve discovered in my nearly 18 months as a mom is there is no right or wrong way to raise a child … only what works for you and your family. But there is an awful lot of negativity out there on the interwebs (especially since that controversial Time cover story came out on Mother’s Day)… a lot of mom-bashing and name-calling, a lot of judgment and discrimination (as I witnessed when my daycare webcam post went up on Huffington Post). Instead of supporting one another for our choices (or lack thereof) we gang up against one another. Continue reading “Judgy, Judge, Judge … Stop the Insanity!” →

In Pregnancy, a Neon Sign Might as Well Read: “Open for Judgment 24/7”

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The past two days I had two interesting  body image experiences worthy of sharing here.

First, yesterday at the dog park, a woman my husband and I were chatting with asked when I was due. (Cue the fireworks, marching band, and streamers!).

I was wearing my fave pre-pregnancy gray winter trench coat, belted above my growing bump, and only buttoned on the first button. I finally felt like I actually “looked” pregnant from the front (not just the side) and was completely flattered and pleased with her comment. Continue reading “In Pregnancy, a Neon Sign Might as Well Read: “Open for Judgment 24/7”” →

It’s Not About the Preggo Card …

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Though it might not be obvious to anyone but myself, over the past year, I’ve become a lot more forgiving towards myself with respect to food, really embracing the whole “live life and ENJOY it” notion.

This didn’t start when I got pregnant, and probably explains why I never lost the 10-15 lbs I packed on over the past three years pre-pregnancy.

(But truly, that’s neither here nor there, especially as the scale tips closer and closer to my pre-WW weight, a number I hoped never to see again but inevitably will, and then some).

I have to say, it’s very freeing to live this way. I eat what I want, but in moderation. I don’t deprive myself of what I really want; I account for it and move on. I believe in my heart of hearts this is what it means to have a balanced relationship with food, something I’ve strove for on this journey.

And though being pregnant gives me a little extra wiggle room to enjoy life even more, I’ve truly been in this mindset for the past year or so. Maybe it’s just more obvious to the outside world now that I’m pregnant, and instead of sneaking around with a former “guilty” treat or eating it alone, my love affair is more in the public eye. And I’m not ashamed to be seen eating a chocolate bar, or tortilla chips. Life’s more fun with a little sweet, a little salty, a little gusto for food … something that evaded me during the worst years of my disordered eating history.

Which is why it’s been deeply frustrating to me to hear people say (to me or any of my other recently-pregnant friends), “Well, but you can have that, you’re pregnant.”  Or, “You can eat that now”  (basically acknowledging “but I can’t”.) Or “Well now that you’re pregnant, XYZ is OK.” Continue reading “It’s Not About the Preggo Card …” →