Seconds

One of my biggest fears about having a daughter has been passing along my food issues to her. Though I’m long past my dark days of disordered eating, I still think a lot about food and fitness quite a bit (and still journal) and though they don’t plague me, I still emotionally eat from time to time and still have “fat” days. Even though I know I’m not actually “fat,” I certainly have some weight to lose to get to my feel-best weight/size and I will eventually …

[Sadly, even an upcoming Caribbean trip this spring isn’t enough to get me to the gym regularly again and off the sweets. <<Sigh>> One of these days I’ll get it together…]

Anyway, yesterday I had to catch myself when I saw Maya’s daily log at school. Continue reading “Seconds”

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My “Thesis” & the Final Frontier of Recovery

CB067697I got the most sincere and beautiful e-mail from a reader yesterday; e-mails like this reaffirm that I’m doing the right thing blogging and sharing my journey of discovery and recovery with the world, for better or for worse.

Without going into details of what she said,  I wanted to share some thoughts I came away with after reading her message.

She pointed out that not journaling/IE/learning to trust myself, even for just a few days as an experiment —  is kind of my last frontier of my disordered eating journey.

As she noted, I stopped chewing and spitting, my midnight incidents are few and far between, I’m not over-exercising as much, I know all about nutrition and portion size and portion control …

The only thing left, really, is to trust myself. The scariest notion of all, but the most necessary.

I likened it to my “graduate thesis” of sorts. My “capstone,” if you will — something I have real-world experience with. Continue reading “My “Thesis” & the Final Frontier of Recovery”