Sometimes You Gotta Have the Fries …

So since the beginning of my pregnancy I’ve craved a Jr. Arby’s roast beef-n-cheddar sandwich which is quite funny because the last time I had it I was 13 years old and preparing for my Bat Mitzvah (the only Arby’s nearby was in the same town as my synagogue). So honestly it has been a good 18 years or so!

I got my McDonald’s fix in July and was waiting for the right opportunity to indulge my other preggo craving.

Tonight was the night! Continue reading “Sometimes You Gotta Have the Fries …”

Beckoners Vs. Hummers

BagelsAs you know, I’ve been chew/spit free since mid-March.

But I am still struggling with impulsive food purchases/eating.

 Granted, this isn’t nearly as terrible a habit as c/s was, but it’s still something that doesn’t exactly inspire pride, and is dangerous for my waistline.

Fortunately, at the gym this weekend, I found Geneen Roth’s latest column in Good Housekeeping which talks about why we eat what we eat. (I tried to find it online, but it’s not there yet.)

To summarize, in the article, she places the foods we eat into two categories: hummers and beckoners.

Continue reading “Beckoners Vs. Hummers”

Against the Wind & A Book Rec.

Wednesdays my husband has class and I am on my own all night. We’re very fortunate to live with a fantastic bike path literally right behind our house (ok, technically, a creek separates us from the path, but the entrance is close by!).

Anyway, since it was so nice out, I decided to go for a bike ride … and let me tell you, that clear blue sky was rather deceiving!! I swear, I nearly fell off my bike several times thanks to the crazy, wild wind.

I always wear my HRM when I work out and since I was going to the gym later to lift anyway, I had it on and I’ll tell you — the wind made a difference in terms of how hard I had to pump my legs and how hard it was to stay upright. In addition, my trek usually takes me 42 minutes … but tonight took 45 even, thanks to the gusts.

In addition, I burned an extra 40 calories compared to what I normally burn for the ride! There’s something to be said for working out outdoors … and biking (or running) against the wind. Continue reading “Against the Wind & A Book Rec.”

Making Mantras

repeat-businessI know I said I wouldn’t be back til the new year, but I have been feeling kind of blah and felt compelled to write tonight. So … here goes! Forgive the rambling; I’m all over the place right now.

This is what I want my mantra to be for 2009: “I am going to let it be.”

I say it all the time: how I need to do it, how half my anxiety would dissipate if I’d just act it and live it … but here’s the rub: anyone who knows me knows I don’t actually do it.

And — something Dr. G. has confirmed through our sessions — it’s like, as an anxious person, I’m hard-wired not to be able to just “let it be” … and I think that is what is standing in the way of getting back to a comfortable weight.

Fighting against my own nature, my own hard-wiring, instead of using it to my advantage. Wanting to be someone I’m not capable of being, instead of accepting the person I am, the hard-wiring I have.

I don’t mean to imply I’m not capable of getting back to a comfortable weight. But rather, I’m fighting myself and my hard-wiring, berating myself for not being able to “let it be,” when maybe I should be using my anxious nature to my advantage (i.e., tooting my own horn for being a good friend and partner, a disciplined and consicientious woman).

You remember that song, “More Than Words?” Well, right now I’ve been talking the talk but not walking the walk when it comes to acceptance; I’m not showing my body the love it deserves because deep down I don’t believe I deserve to “let it be” — not here; not at this weight. I’m not ready and maybe I never will be ready to “let it be.” In fact, trying so hard to loosen up my thoughts, to “let it be” — I’ve gained weight. Since September, all I’ve done is gained. Literally.

It’s a fact. And it’s not the usual couple pounds people moan about after the holidays; it’s been a steady gain all fall/winter, just like last fall/winter and the one before it.

I can see it in photos, in how my clothes fit (tighter than they should, though not so bad that I can’t wear them) and of course on the scale. (As if I needed that darn machine to confirm what I already know!)

And though I wish I could just accept it and not be bothered by it, I’m not happy about it; I don’t want to be ok with it. And I won’t settle for it because this is not my body’s happy weight, nor is it my happy weight. Continue reading “Making Mantras”