Eager for 30

sexoennuevayork00Two months from today (October 2), I will turn 30.

The big 3-0. But is it really such a big deal?

Honestly, I don’t fear 30, especially since so many people today (if they’re both lucky and healthy) end up living well into their 80s or older.

Rather, I’m excited for it. Eager, even.

I think of my 20s as true learning years, building years: my education, my career, my friendships and relationships (I met my husband when I was 20).

And these years were also about building a relationship with myself, perhaps the most important relationship of all.

Continue reading “Eager for 30”

Flooded: Literally and Figuratively

So I live in Michigan, far, far from Texas … but the remanants of Hurricane Ike or who knows what flooded our basement.

I guess three straight days of pouring, driving rain that doesn’t subside will do that to a house.

Coupled with this lovely flooding of our basement, the narrow, winding creek in our backyard has widened significantly.

Its banks having been virtually washed away, our property is now home to about five to ten extra feet (width-wise) of the creek that we didn’t have on Saturday.

Fortunately, our house sits up on a hill, so we don’t anticipate the creek reaching us directly, but our backyard looks like a lake. With a lot of little lakes.

So that was the soggy, physical “flood” of the weekend (damage yet to be assessed, as every time we got the water out, more poured back in — apparently everyone around us is dealing with this misfortune).

But I also was flooded on an emotional/mental level during week four of five. Continue reading “Flooded: Literally and Figuratively”

Let the Flooding Begin… “5 Lost Weeks”

I had therapy again last night and let me just say, I am so grateful to have started this process when I did, because I’m about to begin a super-challenging chapter of my life.

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law (who is 36 and sweet as can be but severely, severely mentally challenged) will be visiting/staying with us from El Salvador (where they live) for five weeks, starting August 15.

I won’t go into the specifics of why this is such a big deal…it’s not just cultural and language differences…and I am not here to bash them; I’m not a malicious person. She is a wonderful woman who has had many challenges in her life and raised an incredible son, my husband, and a wonderful, very special daughter–all single-handedly.

But, to be blunt, it’s a lot for me mentally and emotionally (as well as physically) having them here for that long for many, many reasons.

One of which is, I am a control freak, and I don’t deal well when I am thrown in situations that make me uncomfortable.

But really, let’s be honest here, five weeks is a long time to host anyone. Continue reading “Let the Flooding Begin… “5 Lost Weeks””

Learning to Live in Shades of Gray

Note: I didn’t intend to blog about all of my therapy sessions, but I realize now that they have been/will continue to be a huge part of my journey. I fear keeping them out of this blog would take away some of the authenticity and transparency I am trying to maintain. I hope you, as readers, don’t mind!

Last night was my second therapy session, and something we talked about was the tendency for anxious people like myself to see the world very black and white, versus embracing the world’s many shades of gray.

Though as humans we want to make a simple choices of, “Yes or No,” really, life isn’t quite so simple and is lived in that in-between shade of gray.

But for someone with anxiety disorder–or someone who is OCD like me (I got the billing last night that I am blessed with both!) it’s very hard for us to live in the gray.

For us, there’s right and wrong. Black and white. Gray? Um, that’s reserved for the color of my favorite Ann Taylor dress pants!

One of the cognitive behavioral therapy exercises we did last night was she had me walk through my midnight eating incidents and my thought processes that occur when it happens, to identify rational and irrational thoughts so we can sort through them. Continue reading “Learning to Live in Shades of Gray”