Walking the fine line

When you’re someone who has publicly struggled with her weight and a disordered eating past, people close to you — and even those not-so-close — tend to scrutinize you when they think you might be, shall we say, “taking things too far.”

While I know in my heart of hearts the comments and concern are valid (hello,  experience does indeed point to a past problem) and well-intentioned (the comments are said by people who love me and care), the past is not always a predictor of the future. And I know in my heart of hearts that I am not ever going back there. Continue reading “Walking the fine line”


The Disordered Mind

A friend wrote this fantastic post that I wanted to share. I identified with it so much that I almost had to ask myself — Self, have you written a post that touches on this, too?

So I started looking and then promptly gave up. I’ve been blogging since June 2008 and have written more than 1,200 posts … too much to sift through and sleep was calling.

Anyway, in her post, Marci — a WW leader and WW success story — says, “I sent my son to Trader Joe’s for an item.  He bought exactly that item.  That’s it.  One item at Trader Joe’s.  Really?  I could NEVER go to Trader Joe’s and not even look around, get tempted with their goodies at every end-cap.  What a light bulb moment to know that some people truly will never have a food problem.  I envy them, but need to accept that, weight problem or not – I will always have a food problem.”

Continue reading “The Disordered Mind”

Disordered Eating for Public Consumption

The past two days I’ve been battling strep and flu-like symptoms, so in between naps and eating chicken noodle soup and toast, I’ve been watching a lot of trash guilty pleasure TV.

And in just these two days, I noticed four — count ’em, FOUR — examples of disordered eating. What’s most interesting to me is in the two Sex and the City examples, I’d watched each episode dozens of times probably and not given two thoughts to the “disordered-ness” of each example … which makes me wonder why I never caught on to this til now … or maybe it was because of the timing — seeing four examples in a two-day window — that made it so abundantly clear that these were all examples of disordered eating.

Continue reading “Disordered Eating for Public Consumption”

More beef with The Biggest Loser

While The Biggest Loser remains one of the most popular TV shows in America, I still hold to my belief that the show does more harm than good, as evidenced by the winner announced last night.

In case you missed it, Jezebel had a great recap. Contestant Rachel Frederickson lost a whopping 155 pounds — going from 260 to 105 pounds in just five months. Losing 60% of her body weight. IN FIVE MONTHS. If that doesn’t scream “unhealthy” to you, I don’t know what does. Continue reading “More beef with The Biggest Loser”

Not Down With The Biggest Loser

I’ve never been a Biggest Loser addict … I get the whole premise of the show and why so many of my friends dig it, but to me, it has always screamed of extreme dieting/restriction, disordered eating (and thinking) and over-exercising. Considering my history, it’s not surprising I’d feel this way. But I know I’m not alone; a lot of other critics have come out and said similar things.

Tonight I happened to flip the channel to NBC and the contestants had apparently gone home for a short time (maybe a weekend? I missed how long). Watching them sitting there with their families at restaurants agonizing over every single calorie and food choice reminded me of my ugly past … and also why I have a problem with the show.

Continue reading “Not Down With The Biggest Loser”

Saying “No” to Anderson …


Today, the most crazy thing happened: Anderson Cooper’s talent people found my blog and asked if I’d be interested in flying to NY to do a future segment on night-time eating disorders.

And I had to say no. Continue reading “Saying “No” to Anderson …”

Why I Won’t “Go Back There”

Disclaimer: I had been thinking about writing a post like this anyway, but after a couple close friends and family members who read my blog regularly mentioned genuine concern over me wanting to get “back on track” turning into a possible relapse into disordered eating/over-exercising, I decided to write it now. I completely get where they are coming from — it’s all said out of love and care — so I decided to post this today.

Continue reading “Why I Won’t “Go Back There””

Eat the Damn Brownie

I want to share this awesome article I read at Rookiemag.com called Eating: A Manifesto that author and blogger Clare Mysko shared on Facebook today, which could be best summed up by this paragraph in the piece:

“Could we stop feeling ‘guilty’ for wanting an effing brownie? Or a plate of fries? Could we stop actively seeking permission from our friends to go ahead and ‘be bad’ and order the cheesecake? Could we all just go ahead and order whatever it is that we feel like eating, instead of saying, ‘Oh, I feel like a pig, you guys are just getting salads’?” Continue reading “Eat the Damn Brownie”

Live Your Life

This weekend was an amazing one. First, it was a phenomenal sunset cruise with Luis to celebrate his birthday — followed by a moonlit stroll while enjoying rich, salted caramel ice cream at Kilwin’s and chocolates. The next day was all about awesome shopping and meals in Chicago for a much-needed girls’ weekend with some of my closest work friends. (For any foodies out there — we hit up Atwood Cafe for lunch, RPM for dinner, and Toast for brunch).

When it came to food, I felt like the old me — the pre-disordered me. And it was AWESOME. I felt like I ate intuitively. I didn’t track my Points, I didn’t “keep score,” didn’t worry about anything really — I just focused on the company and the atmosphere and the deliciousness. I ate til I was satisfied and stopped when I felt full. I drank who knows how many glasses of Prosecco and a really big glass of Riesling. I felt pleasantly full but not at all stuffed. And I laughed so hard my stomach hurt, which was exactly what I needed.  Continue reading “Live Your Life”


One of my biggest fears about having a daughter has been passing along my food issues to her. Though I’m long past my dark days of disordered eating, I still think a lot about food and fitness quite a bit (and still journal) and though they don’t plague me, I still emotionally eat from time to time and still have “fat” days. Even though I know I’m not actually “fat,” I certainly have some weight to lose to get to my feel-best weight/size and I will eventually …

[Sadly, even an upcoming Caribbean trip this spring isn’t enough to get me to the gym regularly again and off the sweets. <<Sigh>> One of these days I’ll get it together…]

Anyway, yesterday I had to catch myself when I saw Maya’s daily log at school. Continue reading “Seconds”