Attaching a Goal to a Mantra

Me this weekend, ready for the challenge!!

Piggybacking off today’s previous post …

So my SELF subscription still hasn’t run out yet, which means I’m still reading each issue I get.

Though I loathe the magazine editor’s ‘tude (and find her lame excuses pitiful) following the Kelly Clarkson cover debacle in September, I genuinely like the content of SELF and, in fact, came across another great article yesterday that both rejuvenated and inspired me to get back on the healthy wagon and stay there.

I can’t find the article online, but it was basically little journal entries of a woman’s journey as she lost 28 lbs. over the course of a year.

Reading her words — including her ups and downs — reminded me so much of my own journey, and of my former self … the dedicated dieter who attempted weight loss just once and it worked like a charm. Continue reading “Attaching a Goal to a Mantra”

Perception and Reality

lightbulb1I had an epiphany after watching THIN for the second time, this time with my husband.

Needless to say, he was very, very disturbed by the movie. I’ll be honest, part of why I wanted him to see it was to show him, “Yes I am still struggling, but look, I’m not as extreme as these girls.”

But my husband is incredibly bright, and he knows me so well that it’s scary. While he agrees that I’m not as extreme as those girls, he picked up on some of the things the girls did — their behaviors — that mirrored mine.

To name a few … changing clothes 3 million times (guilty since age 7?), staring at myself in the mirror and prodding (totally a weight loss result — the obsession), chewing-and-spitting (my formerly shameful secret; now I just relapse from time to time), picking apart their food (guilty!), obsessing over weight gain, real or imagined (I try not to, but sometimes find myself doing it) ordering specifically (though that’s nothing new really; I’ve been a picky eater for as long as I can recall); ordering “diety.” (I’ve gotten better with this one).

And I wonder if subconsciously, I wanted him to point these things out in the film. Because they’re all things he’s been concerned about for me for years now; things he’s tried to talk me out of and things that, especially in the beginning, I shrugged off (“I’m not obsessing!”.)

All this time, he’s just wanted to make me see I am beautiful as I am, that I don’t need to obsess over my body, that there’s more to life than my outer self. Continue reading “Perception and Reality”