Walking the fine line

When you’re someone who has publicly struggled with her weight and a disordered eating past, people close to you — and even those not-so-close — tend to scrutinize you when they think you might be, shall we say, “taking things too far.”

While I know in my heart of hearts the comments and concern are valid (hello,  experience does indeed point to a past problem) and well-intentioned (the comments are said by people who love me and care), the past is not always a predictor of the future. And I know in my heart of hearts that I am not ever going back there. Continue reading “Walking the fine line”

A Decade of Dieting

In spite of never being particularly thin, I never dieted a day in my life until I was 24 years old. On April 13, 2004 I made the fast and furious decision to follow my mom’s lead and join Weight Watchers because, as the ads promise … it works.

As many of you long-time readers know, my journey wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. The first eight months on WW, I lost 35 pounds — dropping from a size 12 to a size 6. I did this through simple diet changes, learning about portion control, and upping my fitness ante. I loved my new body, but feared it was on loan. So, in an effort to stay thin at any and all accounts, I began a slow spiral into the secretive world of disordered eating. Because I wasn’t super-thin, no one assumed I had “an issue” … and furthermore, as a chewer and spitter, I always ate and never actually purged. So if I wasn’t anorexic or bulimic, I was OK! Continue reading “A Decade of Dieting”

The Trap

Facebook’s news ticker can be a distraction at times, but then there are days like today when a friend comments on a post or article and I click over and read it … and am truly blown away. It was calledAn Open Apology to All of My Weight Loss Clients,” and reading it, I was near-tears. The author’s words are amazingly powerful and so brutally honest. Continue reading “The Trap”

Willpower, Wantpower … Call it whatever; I don’t have any!

I plain out admitted to a friend last week that I don’t have the willpower OR the “wantpower” to actually lose weight. I later shared the sentiment with my Weight Watchers chat friends … and hearing myself say it was kind of life-affirming — cheesy as it sounds.

It’s not that I don’t think I’d look better without a couple pounds on me; surely I would! And it’s not that I wouldn’t feel better weighing a little less; again, surely I would!

But I don’t have the where-with-all/desire to diet (other than loosely following WW, going over my Points each week — oops) … to cut out things like sugar and bread and whatnot. I know it would work if I made the effort — but I’m just not there. And I don’t know that I’ll ever go back there. Continue reading “Willpower, Wantpower … Call it whatever; I don’t have any!”

The Littlest Firecracker

Happy Fourth of July!

I can’t believe how bad I’ve been about 1) blogging and 2) holding to my own “commitments.”

Despite my best efforts, I discovered that AM workouts are not going to happen at this juncture in my life … and that I need to accept it and make the most of my evening workouts.

Why? Well … I gave it a trial run, the old college try. I slept in my gym clothes (things I used to do to make getting to the gym in the AM easier), laid out my sneakers and set my alarm for 5 AM. Should have been a piece of cake, right?

#EpicFail. Continue reading “The Littlest Firecracker”

How Young is “Too Young” to Diet?

I have always thought actress Ginnifer Goodwin was adorable … but I was a little surprised to find out she’d been on Weight Watchers since she was 9 years old — mostly because I didn’t realize you could join that young!

Apparently, according to this article at People.com, the media is up in arms about this admission she made, and so I thought I’d see what others think about it.

I like what she had to say and respect her honesty. Continue reading “How Young is “Too Young” to Diet?”

Hi, My Name is Pseudo-Sally, in Recovery

Friends and family alike have always teased me about being a picky eater.

Long before my disordered eating issues began, I was a picky eater, often related to my body’s intolerance to certain foods (I have I.B.S. which flares up with creamy foods, tomato-based foods, etc.)

And once I joined Weight Watchers in 2004, and began paying closer attention to what I ate, the I.B.S. flare-ups subsided (although not entirely).

Then, as I learned more about nutrition … I became even more picky/selectively restrictive, for different reasons (i.e., disordered ones). Continue reading “Hi, My Name is Pseudo-Sally, in Recovery”

Girls and Dieting, Then and Now

tweensWhen two people share the same article with you and offer it as a topic for your blog, as a blogger, you take it and run with it.

This Wall Street Journal article, Girls and Dieting, Then and Now, came to my attention by Lara and Sarah.

An excerpt:

One day in January 1986, fourth-grade girls at Marie Murphy School in Wilmette, Ill., were called down to the principal’s office.

A stranger was waiting there to ask each girl a question: “Are you on a diet?”

Most of the girls said they were.

“I just want to be skinny so no one will tease me,” explained Sara Totonchi.

“Boys expect girls to be perfect and beautiful,” said Rozi Bhimani. “And skinny.” Continue reading “Girls and Dieting, Then and Now”

“… But I Don’t Wanna…!

How I'm feeling ...
How I'm feeling ...
Giving more thought to yesterday’s all-over-the-place post, I’m realizing what it comes down to is this: I hate the thought of “dieting” to lose weight.

To quote my two-year old self, “I don’t wanna!”

“Dieting” goes against everything I felt about Weight Watchers; I always told people “it’s a way of life” and tried to make the distinction at every opportunity.

The truth is, if I’m going to cut 500 calories a day to lose a pound a week, I would much rather do it through exercise like I do now.

However unrealistic it is, I’d rather work out hard every single day for the rest of my life — than “diet” or not give in to momentary cravings/impulses/desires.

And that is what’s hurting me, what I’m eating … even though it’s journaled, even though it’s measured … it’s still too much — especially since I’ve been eating some of my activity points as of late.

It’s too much to lose. Continue reading ““… But I Don’t Wanna…!“”