Back in June when I began blogging, I divulged that pregnancy is something that I am excited for in the near future, but also fearing to some extent, given my past (and present) history with body image issues, weight struggles and disordered eating behaviors.
While we aren’t planning on starting a family in this very moment (my husband just began an MBA program at University of Michigan this fall, so ideally we’d like to wait a little longer), it’s been on my mind a lot more lately.
So when I came across this article, “Dieters Gain More Weight During Pregnancy” in the health section of the New York Times (coincidentally published on my birthday), I was immediately interested. Continue reading “Digesting and Reframing Scary Pregnancy Stats”
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had a terrible foot irritation (I finally went to the doc today since my home remedies weren’t working–it’s ezcema!) which has been waking me up more often than usual. Sometimes it has led to a midnight “snack,” but not always.
So anyway, at 1:30 this morning I woke up, used the bathroom, slathered my home remedy til I could see a doc–hydrocortisone cream– on my feet, washed my hands. I checked my bank account (yup, I got paid!), wrote some e-mails.
But I simply couldn’t sleep; there was something else on my mind. My brain turned to food. Continue reading “Remembering CBT at 1:30 a.m.”
Note: I didn’t intend to blog about all of my therapy sessions, but I realize now that they have been/will continue to be a huge part of my journey. I fear keeping them out of this blog would take away some of the authenticity and transparency I am trying to maintain. I hope you, as readers, don’t mind!
Last night was my second therapy session, and something we talked about was the tendency for anxious people like myself to see the world very black and white, versus embracing the world’s many shades of gray.
Though as humans we want to make a simple choices of, “Yes or No,” really, life isn’t quite so simple and is lived in that in-between shade of gray.
But for someone with anxiety disorder–or someone who is OCD like me (I got the billing last night that I am blessed with both!) it’s very hard for us to live in the gray.
For us, there’s right and wrong. Black and white. Gray? Um, that’s reserved for the color of my favorite Ann Taylor dress pants!
One of the cognitive behavioral therapy exercises we did last night was she had me walk through my midnight eating incidents and my thought processes that occur when it happens, to identify rational and irrational thoughts so we can sort through them. Continue reading “Learning to Live in Shades of Gray”
I had my very first therapy session last night, and I’m happy to say it went really well.
I was naturally a little nervous at the very beginning, but over the session, we gelled and I really liked both her attitude and approach. She made me laugh, and of course see things I didn’t see before. I am sure as time goes on, I’ll see so much more. But I am confident now that I am taking the right steps.
Though I didn’t find out until the middle of the session, it turns out that within seconds she had (quite correctly) diagnosed me with having anxiety. We had a chuckle when she shared that; I’m that easy to read, huh?!
(I guess given her therapist title, she’s pretty perceptive; she also guessed I was an ESFP per the Myers-Briggs Personality Test; though last time I took it I was an ENFP, I think I’m actually more closely aligned to the ESFP type).
Apparently, she thinks anxiety is actually what is likely behind my disordered eating; that the disordered eating behaviors are not so much a food issue as a result of my nature as an anxious person. It’s just manifesting itself in weight issues now, which makes sense, whereas it was evident in other facets of my life previously. So anxiety is what we will be exploring and coming to terms with. Continue reading “Accepting Your Hardware”