Two months from today (October 2), I will turn 30.
The big 3-0. But is it really such a big deal?
Honestly, I don’t fear 30, especially since so many people today (if they’re both lucky and healthy) end up living well into their 80s or older.
Rather, I’m excited for it. Eager, even.
I think of my 20s as true learning years, building years: my education, my career, my friendships and relationships (I met my husband when I was 20).
And these years were also about building a relationship with myself, perhaps the most important relationship of all.
Continue reading “Eager for 30”
Crabby McSlacker over at Cranky Fitness recently interviewed one of my heroes, Dr. Judith Beck, author of The Beck Diet Solution.
Her father, Dr. Aaron Beck, is the man behind cognitive behavioral therapy, and she applies the methods to weight loss in her book The Beck Diet Solution (which I’ve yapped about plenty here on my blog).
The phrases “Giving Credit” and “Flex Your Resistance Muscle/No Choice”that I’ve used here come from her lessons.
Because CBT is part of my own therapy journey, I’m especially interested in what Beck has to say, and will be purchasing her new book when it comes out.
Check out the awesome interview here.
I’m learning through therapy that I struggle with the notion of “delayed gratification.”
As an anxious person, I like things here and now and done yesterday, not tomorrow.
So naturally, given my anxious hardwiring, it’s not always easy for me to, as Dr. G. says, “override immediate gratification” in favor of delayed gratification.
I can do it for some things that focus on the greater good (journaling diligently, exercising, studying, etc) but not for everything (my less-than-stellar spending habits).
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a compulsive person. For me it’s never been about drugs or alcohol or gambling or promiscuity or anything that could do me bodily harm, but I am compulsive in my thoughts. Food and shopping tend to be two ways my compulsion manifests itself. (Talking incessantly (or thinking) is another).
For instance, when I go shopping, I go shopping. (i.e., often a spree — after which, I often feel guilty and march back to said stores, receipts in hand). Continue reading “Overriding Immediate Gratification”
I met with Dr. G. last night and shared with her my concerns about blogging, as well as those of my loved ones who voiced their concern that perhaps ithis outlet was fueling my obsession and hurting me, rather than helping me.
I shared that I got a variety of responses from my readers and loved ones, and how I wanted her opinion as a professional. If, as my therapist, she saw harm in it.
So she asked me if my chewing-and-spitting and midnight incidents had lessened since blogging, as this was the behavior we were initially working to change. (Yes — they still occur but far more infrequently than pre-blogging).
She asked me if I enjoy blogging. (Yes, absolutely).
And she asked me if I would miss it if I didn’t do it. (Yes, I think I would; I love to write). Continue reading “From the Doc’s Couch to Your Laptop”
Back in June when I began blogging, I divulged that pregnancy is something that I am excited for in the near future, but also fearing to some extent, given my past (and present) history with body image issues, weight struggles and disordered eating behaviors.
While we aren’t planning on starting a family in this very moment (my husband just began an MBA program at University of Michigan this fall, so ideally we’d like to wait a little longer), it’s been on my mind a lot more lately.
So when I came across this article, “Dieters Gain More Weight During Pregnancy” in the health section of the New York Times (coincidentally published on my birthday), I was immediately interested. Continue reading “Digesting and Reframing Scary Pregnancy Stats”
Note: I didn’t intend to blog about all of my therapy sessions, but I realize now that they have been/will continue to be a huge part of my journey. I fear keeping them out of this blog would take away some of the authenticity and transparency I am trying to maintain. I hope you, as readers, don’t mind!
Last night was my second therapy session, and something we talked about was the tendency for anxious people like myself to see the world very black and white, versus embracing the world’s many shades of gray.
Though as humans we want to make a simple choices of, “Yes or No,” really, life isn’t quite so simple and is lived in that in-between shade of gray.
But for someone with anxiety disorder–or someone who is OCD like me (I got the billing last night that I am blessed with both!) it’s very hard for us to live in the gray.
For us, there’s right and wrong. Black and white. Gray? Um, that’s reserved for the color of my favorite Ann Taylor dress pants!
One of the cognitive behavioral therapy exercises we did last night was she had me walk through my midnight eating incidents and my thought processes that occur when it happens, to identify rational and irrational thoughts so we can sort through them. Continue reading “Learning to Live in Shades of Gray”