My Therapy

Though I was an early talker (are you surprised?!) and still love to talk, writing has always been the most therapeutic form of self-help for me.

I began journaling in fifth grade, chronicling nearly every day of my life — and I haven’t stopped since.

Traveling with me from my childhood bedroom in Vernon, NJ …  to my dorm room at American University in our nation’s capital … to my first apartment (and subsequent apartments!) … to my first home have been the two dozen or so spiral-bound notebooks filled to the brim with words and experiences, etched forever in varying handwriting styles and a wide array of ink colors.

I’ve been both lovingly teased for my “chronicles” and admired for my commitment to journaling … but I don’t do it for laughs or praises; I do it because it’s what works for me — and because I love the idea of a living, breathing biography … Continue reading “My Therapy”

From “Disordered” to “(Recovering) Disordered” to “Recovered Disordered”

My blog has gone through many changes in the nearly three years I’ve been writing (click here for my first post!). While I’ve undergone many physical and emotional changes in that time, the title of this post expresses the surface changes. (And once I can figure out how to edit my darn blog’s custom header I will!)

What does it mean to be “recovered”? I used to question this all the time, and still do.

Let’s look at the facts:

-I’m not chewing/spitting.

-I’m not over-exercising.

-I’m not waking and, half-asleep, eating in the middle of the night.

Those were the methods of my madness, er, disorderedness.

They are in my past. Continue reading “From “Disordered” to “(Recovering) Disordered” to “Recovered Disordered””

Putting a Name to Face

This weekend I had the pleasure of enjoying a wonderful lunch with a super-sweet blog reader, Alison. It felt like I was catching up with an old friend and I had a blast — thanks, Alison, we totally need to do it again soon, on your side of the state 😉

Every time I meet a friend in real life who I got to know in cyberspace or the blogosphere, I’m struck by the (beautiful!) irony of the situation.

Given the sensitive and taboo nature of my blog, it started out as a very anonymous blog … and then in time I got more comfortable with the idea of putting my name/face out there as a voice in recovery. Being so open has worked in my favor. In addition to having the support of my loved ones, now, in the past two years, I was interviewed for Fitness magazine about my exercise addiction history; went to a blogger meet-and-greet; and spoken at the FitBloggin’ conference … all very public “outings.” Continue reading “Putting a Name to Face”

On the Brink of an Identity Crisis

I’ve blogged before about how, when I began blogging, I’d been advised about not pigeon-holing myself into a domain name/URL that would follow me forever that I might, someday, want to move past.

But so entrenched in my own situation I was at the time, that it didn’t really start to bother me for about a year. So I added (Recovering) to my blog’s title, and then I got pregnant and have been blogging about that … but now I’m about to become a mom and I feel recovered and don’t want to be pigeon-holed any longer.

So please bear with me as I do some soul-searching to see what direction my blog takes in the coming months. Continue reading “On the Brink of an Identity Crisis”

The Last Word

It probably comes as little surprise that my favorite “Little Miss” book was “Little Miss Chatterbox” as a kid.

I grew up being called “Mouth” and have a tendency to speak before thinking. As a result, all too often, I’ve put my foot (or left leg) in my mouth.

As you can imagine, I’ve found solace in the blogging community — where I have had free reign to say whatever comes to mind (for the most part).

One could argue blogging is a self-indulgent activity: putting your thoughts and feelings out there for the world to see.

But the truth is, I didn’t begin blogging to cultivate an audience. Rather, in the beginning, I used blogotherapy as a personal outlet —  a one-way street  (which, I should note, goes against absolutely everything I know today about how successful social media strategies work). Continue reading “The Last Word”

Being “In the Moment” Amid Today’s Technology

My latest blog post over at WeAretheRealDeal.com. Read it here or after the jump. Continue reading “Being “In the Moment” Amid Today’s Technology”

Examining “Blogotherapy” & Support

support_grpA lot of recovery bloggers blog anonymously because they fear other people finding out the truth about them — and their concerns are certainly valid.

I actually was quasi-anonymous in the beginning, too. After all, the image we portray in our professional and personal lives can make or break us …

But oftentimes, especially when we’re hiding a deep, dark secret (like an ED or DE issues …) that image is not identical to what we actually see when we peel back the layers of who we truly are.

In many ways, I was living a double-life … the elusive chewing-spitting behaviors coupled with over-exercising, body-loathing, and midnight/mindless eating … and then presenting myself at work or around friends as this girl who has her stuff together … when inside, I was crumbling.

Naturally, I used to worry in the beginning about how I might be judged by others who might by chance find my blog: peers, colleagues, friends, superiors, etc. What will they think of me?! Will they lose respect for me?! Will they look at me differently?

But once I realized that owning my issue made it real and tangible to overcome (and that it’s ok to not be “perfect”) … suddenly the fear associated with “getting found out” withered away.

Continue reading “Examining “Blogotherapy” & Support”

Blogotherapy & Colliding Worlds

bloggingFor the first several months of blogging, for understandable reasons, I kept a pretty low profile.

I didn’t tweet (I was loathe to jump on the Twitter bandwagon), and I didn’t have any links up on my Facebook page to my blogs.

I guess you could say I didn’t want to be defined by my “problem” … so I figured I just wouldn’t let anyone know about it, unless they knew about it directly from me.

But then a funny thing happened.

Instead of finding myself isolated from coming “out,” about my food/body issues, once I opened up and put myself out there — really out there (i.e., posting links to new posts on my Facebook page, putting my full identity on my blog profile, adding the URL to my Facebook profile, joining WeAretheRealDeal.com) — I found I’ve connected with lots of real-life friends and actually have an even stronger support network than I thought.

And that feels amazing.

Continue reading “Blogotherapy & Colliding Worlds”

Open Book

open_bookI’ve been doing a lot of introspection the past couple weeks. One of the drawbacks about putting your thoughts and feelings out there in the blogosphere is that not everyone will love what you have to say, all day, every day.

Shocker, right?!

Naturally, I know it comes with the territory; it’s a risk I have to take, both as a writer, and also as someone who is trying to overcome a challenge. I have to realize that when I broach touchy subjects (or any subject, really), some people will possibly be turned off by my words, and some people might feel annoyed, frustrated, or upset reading my words …

Likewise, I never know what will be a “good post” or an “eh post.” Some days I see zero comments (but 700 hits) and other days I get a ton of comments on a particular post, or follow-up e-mails.

Comments are good; they create a dialogue, which is one of my blog’s missions. Often your comments (positive or not) lead to another post, and I do that because I’m listening … observing … absorbing.

Deep down, I know change doesn’t emerge from stagnancy … and so I know in my heart that writing/blogging about the good, the bad, and the ugly has helped myself and others. And I do believe that without it, I might not be where I am today on this journey.

That said, whereas before I wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal and no one but me could read them … now my thoughts are out there for the world to read. And that can be a daunting notion. Continue reading “Open Book”

To Blog or Not to Blog …

6a00d834515b2069e2010534c1b496970b-800wi1I have to admit, it was very good for me to take a whole day off from obsessing about disordered eating: emailing, blogging, talking … I nixed it all.

Even my friends I usually speak openly about this stuff with, I had to back off. And it was good. I didn’t chew/spit, didn’t overeat, didn’t over-exercise … just “was,” and it felt nice.

I thought long and hard about this, took into account what all of you shared (online or offline) and it means a ton to me to know how much support there is out there.

The thing is, I love to write, and so I am ready to be back, but perhaps on different terms. What I mean is, I might not write every day, five nights a week like I have been, but I am not going to stop Tales; life doesn’t stop and therefore my blog — a form of art imitating life — … shouldn’t stop, either.

Unless it’s what I want. Continue reading “To Blog or Not to Blog …”