The Evil Binge Monster & Random Thoughts About Running

I’ve often said “awareness is half the battle” when it came to my disordered eating recovery process.

But the past two weeks — in spite of being painfully aware that I’ve been over-eating — or this past weekend, when I just gave in to emotional eating, period (borderlining on binges) — all the awareness in the world — even recognizing the “why” — hasn’t helped me stop.

I’m not channeling the CBT techniques I learned in therapy, like trying to occupy myself with other thoughts or doing something else when the impulse to eat strikes — recognizing food won’t fill a void but rather is just anesthetizing me to whatever I’m feeling, as Kara DioGuardi noted in this month’s Women’s Health cover story.

I’m basically just giving into the orange binge monster (WW’s adorable mascot) whatever, whenever. And it’s ugly. Continue reading “The Evil Binge Monster & Random Thoughts About Running”

Good Read

A friend passed this article on to me from Sunday’s New York Times, called Bingeing On Celebrity Weight Battles.”

Definitely a good read that speaks to pretty much the cover of every celebrity rag out there. The article made some really valid points.

I know that I fall victim to reading the celebrity rags for entertainment, but I am so sick of seeing every celebrity moaning about their weight, or going on some crash diet and then “reappearing” looking thin again, saying they felt “massive” or “huge” at their former weight (i.e., often my weight, or worse, my weight when I was at goal, which was not maintainable for me anyway!!) Continue reading “Good Read”

Private Bingeing Vs. Public Indulgence
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If I told one group of people that I shared, say, a huge brownie sundae while laughing with friends or my significant other …

And told another group of people I’d eaten a pan of brownies alone at night …

Who would you feel sorry for?

I’d bet my paycheck today that you’d feel sorry for the girl who ate the pan of brownies alone.

Why? Because she did it alone. Shamefully. Regrettably. Stuffing food into her mouth as though it would disappear if she didn’t swallow it all inthatverymoment. Knowing it wouldn’t help ease whatever emotion she was feeling at the time.

Because this wasn’t mindless eating, while watching a movie with her friends or her boyfriend. This was an all-out binge. Finishing off the whole pan … so no one would see. So no one would know.

Even though last night, I had a horrible binge experience, it apparently pales in comparison to what some of you brave gals have shared or I’ve read elsewhere.

And while those incidents perhaps makes my “binge” look like a walk in the park … it’s that very “out of control,” shameful, guilty sentiment that makes us feel so darn awful about ourselves the next morning. Continue reading “Private Bingeing Vs. Public Indulgence”

Savoring 29 Already :)

Smelling the roses...
Smelling the roses...
Hello and happy Monday!

I didn’t post on Friday because I wanted to enjoy my birthday with no distractions.

While blogging is fun for me, some nights/days it can be like a job…and if I truly wanted to savor the day/weekend, I needed to separate myself for a little bit from the laptop. And thinking about food/exercise.

Ironically, Thursday night (my birthday) I had my first qualifiable “binge” — it was ridiculous. I ate like 10 points at 2 a.m. It was ugly. And I felt awful on Friday.

The thing was, I had had such a great day (lots of calls, e-mails, gorgeous flowers from my husband and a wonderful gift), and had been planning on saving my points for my big birthday dinner out on Friday night with friends …

In retrospect, I think maybe I should have treated myself to something on my actual birthday, because it backfired royally. Instead of savoring something with my husband and friends, I ended up eating alone, mindlessly, at 2 a.m. It was as though I’d been “deprived.”

But I didn’t let it ruin the tone of the weekend — which is progress. Continue reading “Savoring 29 Already :)”

What My “Fat” Wants to Tell Me

HowStuffWorks.comDepending on the time of the month, my reading repertoire at the gym expands from my usual subscription magazines I bring from home (Fitness, Shape, Self, Cooking Light, Women’s Health) to magazines I find there, such as Yoga Journal, Body & Soul, Women’s Day and Good Housekeeping.

This morning I came across an article worth sharing in the (now-ancient) March 2008 edition of Good Housekeeping, written by emotional eating expert Geneen Roth, author of seven books and numerous published works.

Titled “The Cookie Burglar: Stop Binge Eating”, the article resonated with me so much that I just had to share it here.

Her premise is that we binge for a reason, and if it was all bad, we wouldn’t do it. In some way or another, we get something positive from bingeing, even if we don’t see it that way.

As Roth says, “… if it weren’t helping you in some fundamental way, you’d stop. Regardless of how it may appear, what we do really does make sense. Our actions — especially with food — are inherently sane. In fact, they are expressions of our brilliance at getting our needs met. ”

So though it sounds counter-intuitive to wanting to lose weight, bingeing sometimes helps us–perhaps it helps us combat boredom, or avoid intimacy (if I’m fat no one will want me). And until we listen to what our “fat” is telling us, how the bingeing is “helping,” she argues, we won’t be able stop the vicious cycle. Continue reading “What My “Fat” Wants to Tell Me”