“Leaning Out” and “Reclining”

About a year ago, I blogged about how I was reading the book Lean In and how I was gleaning quite a bit from it — especially with how I would relate to my daughter and how I wasn’t so sure “leaning in” was for me.

A year and another child later, I still feel the same as I shared in this excerpt here on my blog last March. Continue reading ““Leaning Out” and “Reclining””

Schooled by My Two-Year-Old

“Mommy, put phone DOWN!” her tiny voice chastises me.

My face falls and, sensing I’m upset, she comes over and gives me a hug and a kiss. I smile back at her, accepting her warmth of an embrace, but my heart feels heavy.

It’s only February and I’ve already broken my resolution to be more present … and I was caught in the act by my two-year-old. Continue reading “Schooled by My Two-Year-Old”

Making the Case for AM Workouts

A conversation with a dear friend on a walk last night reminded me of why I desperately miss my morning workouts … and why I need to find a way back to them.

You see, prior to getting Rocco, I never had a problem with morning workouts.

A lark by nature, I loved the idea of getting my workout out of the way so I could enjoy the rest of my day. It set the tone for my day and it energized me. It made me feel happy and whole, and any walks in the afternoon were just a bonus in terms of physical activity and a positive jolt to my mental well-being. When I worked out in the morning, I ate better and slept better.

But then things changed.

Once Rocco joined our family, he was like a baby — waking a few times at night in the beginning and he’d cry if he heard anyone up. So I stopped working out in the AM because I knew I’d be walking him later in the day and didn’t want to risk waking him up. Plus, I was tired all of a sudden. Bone tired, like never before.

Little did I know … Continue reading “Making the Case for AM Workouts”

It’s Not About the Preggo Card …

Though it might not be obvious to anyone but myself, over the past year, I’ve become a lot more forgiving towards myself with respect to food, really embracing the whole “live life and ENJOY it” notion.

This didn’t start when I got pregnant, and probably explains why I never lost the 10-15 lbs I packed on over the past three years pre-pregnancy.

(But truly, that’s neither here nor there, especially as the scale tips closer and closer to my pre-WW weight, a number I hoped never to see again but inevitably will, and then some).

I have to say, it’s very freeing to live this way. I eat what I want, but in moderation. I don’t deprive myself of what I really want; I account for it and move on. I believe in my heart of hearts this is what it means to have a balanced relationship with food, something I’ve strove for on this journey.

And though being pregnant gives me a little extra wiggle room to enjoy life even more, I’ve truly been in this mindset for the past year or so. Maybe it’s just more obvious to the outside world now that I’m pregnant, and instead of sneaking around with a former “guilty” treat or eating it alone, my love affair is more in the public eye. And I’m not ashamed to be seen eating a chocolate bar, or tortilla chips. Life’s more fun with a little sweet, a little salty, a little gusto for food … something that evaded me during the worst years of my disordered eating history.

Which is why it’s been deeply frustrating to me to hear people say (to me or any of my other recently-pregnant friends), “Well, but you can have that, you’re pregnant.”  Or, “You can eat that now”  (basically acknowledging “but I can’t”.) Or “Well now that you’re pregnant, XYZ is OK.” Continue reading “It’s Not About the Preggo Card …”

Libra Seeking Balance

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My BFF (since we were 11!) and I at the wedding this weekend 🙂

I I had to give myself a headline, I’m pretty sure it would read something like this: “Libra Seeking Balance.”

Of all the things I strive for, balance has been the trickiest.

I do really well at over-achieving, and I admittedly suck at failure … I don’t know how to “half-ass” something. I tend to over-analyze things to death, so I’m very reflective …  but balance has remained elusive, a Holy Grail for me, if you will.

I’ve had moments of clarity over the past year and a half, but try as I might, in spite of being a Libra (for which balance should be more natural), I struggle relentlessly with finding it and, more importantly, maintaining it.

As a naturally anxious person, this makes perfect sense. But I’m learning to work through my anxiety, and being away is always a good opportunity to put the pedal to the metal.

And so, this weekend, I let go. I lived the life of a recovered disordered eater. (You heard me; go ahead and nix the “ing” suffix, ok?!) Continue reading “Libra Seeking Balance”

Tabula Rosa/Blank Slate Thinking

blank_slateI believe we’re all born with a tabula rosa, or a blank slate.

Though fate might guide us in the bigger scheme of things, I still believe we create our own destinies, which are inspired/influenced by our upbringings and our environment.

And so going along with my “live in the moment/savor the present” goal, it ocurred to me that every day is really and truly a blank slate, as well — it’s not a one-time-deal.

When we wake up each morning, we can hit the Snooze button for ten more minutes, or get in a sunrise yoga session. Make oatmeal or hope to find a Nutrigrain bar at work. (There is no “good” or “bad” here; it depends on the day, what’s right for you — sometimes sleep is more important than the a.m. workout).

And each day is an opportunity to improve on the previous day, building off what we’ve learned: for better or for worse.

I don’t mean it’s a time for looking back or ruminating on the past or trying to un-do it, or even looking to tomorrow to be better. Rather, each day is an opportunity to focus on today — to savor today.

We can fill it however we choose — with how productive we are at work, how many e-mails we choose to ignore, what we do at night, when we run our errands, who we talk to (or who we don’t), what we eat, how much sleep we get, if we spend it fighting or kissing, if we save money or spend money, if we exercise or rest.

Sure, there are a bajillion outside factors that can weigh us down from filling the blank slate with everything we might want to see/do … and yes, we often (unintentionally) bring baggage from the past …

But there’s always today. And tomorrow. Another day, another clean slate. Continue reading Tabula Rosa/Blank Slate Thinking”