Tag: Anxiety

Tiny Dancer

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Before class ... looking in
Before class … looking in

About two months ago I contacted a well-known, local dance studio to see about enrolling Maya in formal ballet / tap classes. She is very theatrical and into pretend play, loves music and dance right now, and I thought it would be good prep for kindergarten in a couple years: unlike school or the activities we’ve done with her friends, she wouldn’t know anyone (teachers or students).

Also, she’s at the prime age to give it a shot: I had started dance at age 3 and danced til Varsity cheerleading conflicted sophomore year of high school — starting young was a huge benefit in terms of learning discipline, building confidence, making new friends, and of course, the physical aspects of dance. Continue reading “Tiny Dancer” →

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Rushing for Nothing

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I’ve blogged ad nauseam about my anxiety issues over the years. It’s no surprise that, while I try — maybe too hard? — to live in the moment, my brain is still always thinking ten steps ahead. In some instances that can be a benefit. But in others, it isn’t so great.

Lately my anxiety has (stupidly) stemmed from Ben not walking. I know, I know … kids walk and talk and all that when they are ready. I know Maya didn’t walk til 13 months (where Ben is now). And I know all kids are different.

But I have been so focused on Ben not walking that I missed some other super-awesome things he can do now. In the past month or two, he waves bye whenever leaving the room (or if someone else does); climbs on furniture; can climb up stairs (and semi-scoots down with assistance); he throws balls with such dexterity that there’s no way he’s my kid; dances — like bops and shakes his head side to side; puts a “phone” to his ear and “talking” when he hears a phone ring on TV or at home; and he blows kisses — to name a few. Continue reading “Rushing for Nothing” →

little girl, big hurts

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Found this post in my drafts from March 2014! Posting now because, well, I suck at creating compelling content lately and don’t want my blog to die a slow and painful death 😉 Have some other gems too — not sure why I hadn’t hit publish on all these!?! But here’s one for now — still relevant, now that Maya is nearing four.

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I’m one of those people who says I’m sorry when someone else bumps into me in the grocery store.  If I walk into someone’s office, I tend to apologize for “interrupting them,” even though I’ve asked if they have a few minutes ahead of time. And as a kid, I used to punish myself for the most minor of transgressions. Continue reading “little girl, big hurts” →

desperate for r&r

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Ever feel like you need a vacation so bad you can taste it? Yea, that’s me right now.

Maternity leave — while a wonderful 11 weeks — was no picnic and certainly no vacation. And while I’ve had a day or half-day off here and there over the past six months since returning to work, I’ve yet to disconnect and truly be “off.” Like off work, off social obligations, off anything.

Which brings me to next week. Continue reading “desperate for r&r” →

tornadoes + fear

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In Maya’s preschool class, the kids are learning about weather.

Apparently, one day was dedicated to tornadoes: discussion of the cause, safety precautions we take, etc. Critical as this is from an education-standpoint — we do live in the Midwest and tornado safety is ingrained in us all in the form of sirens/drills — that lesson planted the seed for my daughter’s first legit fear. Continue reading “tornadoes + fear” →

dear time: please stand still …

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An anxious person by nature, I’m always looking ahead: to the next phone meeting, the next project, the next phone call, the next workout, the next meal, the next event, the next trip, the next milestone … you name it and I’m already ten steps ahead.

It’s just the way my anxious brain works and, as I learned in my first therapy session six years ago (and contrary to popular belief), it’s not such a bad thing to have an anxious mind. The anxious mind can be an asset: yes, it means we’re always “on” … which can be a nuisance to those we are closest to … but it also means we’re usually going to achieve what we set out to do. We’re not likely to stray too far off course.

Because we’re hard-wired like that. Continue reading “dear time: please stand still …” →

The Disordered Mind

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A friend wrote this fantastic post that I wanted to share. I identified with it so much that I almost had to ask myself — Self, have you written a post that touches on this, too?

So I started looking and then promptly gave up. I’ve been blogging since June 2008 and have written more than 1,200 posts … too much to sift through and sleep was calling.

Anyway, in her post, Marci — a WW leader and WW success story — says, “I sent my son to Trader Joe’s for an item.  He bought exactly that item.  That’s it.  One item at Trader Joe’s.  Really?  I could NEVER go to Trader Joe’s and not even look around, get tempted with their goodies at every end-cap.  What a light bulb moment to know that some people truly will never have a food problem.  I envy them, but need to accept that, weight problem or not – I will always have a food problem.”

Continue reading “The Disordered Mind” →

Fake it til you make it

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Fake it til you make it.

It’s one of those quotes that’s equally infuriating and powerful at the same time. Infuriating because it’s so hard to act a certain way when you don’t feel a certain way. And it’s powerful because if you can override your feelings and put on an act, you can actually change how you think about a situation. And that is awesome.

Right now — no surprise — I’m feeling this way about body image. Having been at this goat rodeo twice now, three months post-partum seems to be when the “itch” really begins for me. The “itch” to get back into shape.

No doubt having a baby changes your figure–as it should! And after Maya, I still had time to dedicate to the gym, to making my health a priority. Withn four months I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But now with two kids and being back at work, I just haven’t quite found my groove with respect to food or fitness. Which means I’m carrying the last 7-10 baby weight pounds.

It’s not just the number on the scale that’s bugging me; that really matters far less to me than how my clothes fit (or don’t). And even more than the tag inside my jeans, I just want to feel a little more in control of my health. So that I’m here for the long haul. Continue reading “Fake it til you make it” →

Waiting (and Exhaling)

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The past six months in particular — since our house went on the market in April and we moved to our new house in May — have been really challenging, made only more challenging by the fact that I have been pregnant this whole time and couldn’t help Luis with a lot of the burden: maintaining the physical and financial aspects of two homes (and dealing with problems at both), mowing the lawn/landscaping two homes, moving (out of the old and into the new), unpacking, fixing things … I did what I could to pitch in but realistically I ended up keeping an eye on Maya far more than making a dent in unpacking. Continue reading “Waiting (and Exhaling)” →

Second Time Around

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This pregnancy has been different from my pregnancy with Maya for a whole host of reasons.

1) Anxiety levels = DOWN. While I was an anxious mess all nine months of my pregnancy with Maya (with just cause), this go around, it’s not that I’m not anxious this time, but rather it isn’t consuming my thoughts. To put my mind at ease, I did do the prenatal testing I said I would, but I have a toddler demanding my time (rightfully so) and she is my top priority. In fact, unless I catch sight of my belly in a mirror or someone asks how I’m feeling, aside from the constant need to use the ladies room, it’s easy for me to forget I am six months pregnant. Last time I obsessed over each BabyCenter weekly update; this time I’ve only read a couple and don’t even know what size fruit/veggie Baby Boy is unless someone asks and I check TheBump.com (this week: cauliflower!). Continue reading “Second Time Around” →