“… But I Don’t Wanna…!

How I'm feeling ...
How I'm feeling ...
Giving more thought to yesterday’s all-over-the-place post, I’m realizing what it comes down to is this: I hate the thought of “dieting” to lose weight.

To quote my two-year old self, “I don’t wanna!”

“Dieting” goes against everything I felt about Weight Watchers; I always told people “it’s a way of life” and tried to make the distinction at every opportunity.

The truth is, if I’m going to cut 500 calories a day to lose a pound a week, I would much rather do it through exercise like I do now.

However unrealistic it is, I’d rather work out hard every single day for the rest of my life — than “diet” or not give in to momentary cravings/impulses/desires.

And that is what’s hurting me, what I’m eating … even though it’s journaled, even though it’s measured … it’s still too much — especially since I’ve been eating some of my activity points as of late.

It’s too much to lose. Continue reading ““… But I Don’t Wanna…!“”

Coming to Terms With My “Half-Way” Body

Warning: This is a rambling, stream of consciousness post …. and I don’t have the desire to play editor to slim it down.

This weekend it hit me that I am the size/weight I was during my summer of losing back in 2004, my “half-way” size/shape, if you will.

And while some might not be upset by this realization, I have to say, it was an unsettling feeling for me.

It goes without saying that I never want to go back to my unhealthy habits of chewing/spitting or excessively over-exercising.

But those ways weren’t how I lost weight in the first place, anyway. I did it the old-fashioned way: eating less, moving more, following WW Online.

It worked then, and it’s not working now and truthfully, that frustrates me. I wish it didn’t frustrate me or upset me, but it does.

Five years later, that equilibrium I sought and found seems completely messed up because I work out like a fiend, I’m strength training, I’m journaling and I’m still unable to lose weight — I’m eating too much (even with journaling/following WW) to lose.

I’m “overweight” again. I honestly don’t mean to sound like I’m beating myself up here, but it’s the truth. Continue reading “Coming to Terms With My “Half-Way” Body”