Tales of a (Recovering) Disordered Eater turns one this week — crazy to think about, but it’s true.
For a year now, I’ve been blogging about body image issues, disordered eating, recovery, chewing/spitting, midnight eating, emotional/mindless eating, over-exercising, Points counting, Sparkpeople, blogotherapy, traditional therapy, anxiety, eating disorders, films/books/magazines of interest …
It’s been one helluva ride, and every day that passes without a disordered incident is a step closer to recovery. I love knowing I’m reaching out to others, and that’s what keeps me going. You’ve inspired me, and I hope I can inspire you, too. Continue reading “Happy Birthday, Sweet Blog ‘o Mine!!”
I’ve been a big fan of the blog BackinSkinnyJeans for a long time now. Recently, I shared my “coming out via blog” story with its blogger, Steph, who this past weekend spoke at the BlogHer convention in San Francisco about her experiences.
Today I’m a guest blogger on her new “Healing Beginnings” segment. Click here to read Steph’s intro and my guest blog!
A big thank you to Steph for inspiring so many of us with your wisdom and wit. Keep reading!
So I’ve been blogging for just a mere three weeks now, and I thought now would be a good time to share how things have been going.
Judging from the amount of traffic the blog is getting and the thoughtful comments that are coming in from all over the country, it’s been a dream come true! I feel like I’m helping unveil something that has been weighing on far too many of us, and I hope to continue to raise awareness and create a discussion about disordered eating, it’s causes and effects, and what we can do to combat the unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that ensue.
While it’s comforting to know I’m not alone, it’s certainly sad that so many women have been/are going through this at all–and worse, that many of us don’t seem to necessarily have the tell-tale signs of what would lead someone down this path. Many of us appear to “have it all,” and we all know appearances can be deceiving.
So today I want to let you know how I’ve been doing. Continue reading “Reflection After 3 Weeks of Blogging…”
Three years into owning this new, slimmer body, it seems things have only gotten worse.
I’ve put on a couple from my lightest, and now I feel like a normal-sized woman who has put on a few, instead of a heavier woman who proudly dropped three sizes. My self-worth seems tied to a number on the scale, versus how I feel.
I find I am far more critical of myself than one ought to be. Instead of admiring my leaner, stronger legs, I’m obsessed with the number on the scale which has gone up the past year. I’m bemoaning the fact that my clothes still fit, but don’t fall as nicely. I’m staring at my midsection in the mirror, poking at “fat” that wasn’t there at my leanest.
(The irony is, when I was heavy, I never noticed fat on my hips…and since I lost several inches from them… clearly I wasn’t preoccupied with them before).
I think about food all too often: what I’ve eaten, what I will eat, if I’m hungry or bored, where we’ll have dinner on Friday, how many calories I’ve eaten today or how many I have left in the bank.
And when I’m not thinking about food, I’m thinking of my workouts. Did I burn enough calories today? If I lift, will I have time for cardio? Did I eat enough to get in a good workout? Or did I just eat back my workout? . Continue reading “The Battle Continues”
A recent SELF survey polled 4,000 women ages 25-45 and discovered that more than 6 in 10 women are “disordered eaters”. Out of curiosity, I took the survey online. (You can take the quiz here). Anything over a score of 22 was a red flag; I scored a 38.
The survey identified six types of disordered eaters: calorie prisoners, secret eaters, career dieters, food addicts, purgers and over-exercisers. Some women fit into one category and others, like me, could easily be grouped into more than one.
Turns out I was an over-exerciser, a food addict and a calorie prisoner. But while I never purged or used laxatives to lose weight—and I’m ashamed to admit this—I did become somewhat of a purger. Continue reading “The Ugly Side of Things…”
Everyone has a weight loss story that they want to share; success stories that delve into what set them off on their journey, how they lost the weight, changes they went through, and how they suddenly put on their skinny jeans.
But something I’ve rarely seen touched upon is the “after” story. How the “high” of weight loss—especially for someone who had not previously been thin—can lead to disordered eating, an infrequently-discussed yet real phenomenon that I know affects many women … myself included.
Everyone talks about bulimia, anorexia, binge eating … but disordered eating is an even bigger problem: according to a recent SELF poll, 6 out of 10 women are disordered eaters. Continue reading “A Promise to Myself”