Category: Binge Eating

Making Commitments

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I’m rarely late. Anyone that knows me knows that, even with a baby in tow, I’m rarely late. [When I am, it’s usually because my lovely HUSBAND is running late … not me].

I’m pretty good on my commitments. If I tell a client he or she will have something by end of day, I might have to crack some knuckles … but, generally speaking, it will get done. Likewise, if I make plans with a friend, the only reason they’d be broken is if I’m sick.

But lately, as you’ve probably gathered from my blog posts, I’m sucking on my commitments to myself in terms of eating well, planning out my meals, and organizing my fitness schedule.

So I’m making a commitment here on the blog, today, June 22. I need to get my @!#@! together. Continue reading “Making Commitments” →

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Tipping the Scales

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From the title, you probably think I’m referencing weight scales … and you wouldn’t be entirely wrong.

(I haven’t weighed myself since pre-Korea and I can tell you, I’m not feeling great and know it’ll be ugly when I do step on next week at the doctor’s).

But really, I’m talking about equilibriums with respect to health, and how I went from one end of the spectrum — restriction, over-exercising, obsession, avoidance of certain foods — to a much freer end of the spectrum where I am less restrictive, still exercising but not lifting, eating too much … and eating the wrong foods.

Basically, this Libra needs an exercise in BALANCE.

Though I sought a healthy lifestyle, the scales that once tipped in the direction of disordered eating (read as: UNHEALTHY) have now tipped the other way (also read as: UNHEALTHY) — where I’m eating things that just don’t make me feel good.

No one’s force feeding me and I’ve no one to blame but myself.

And yes, I realize I sound like a broken record here  … but I can’t seem to get a grip! Continue reading “Tipping the Scales” →

The Evil Binge Monster & Random Thoughts About Running

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I’ve often said “awareness is half the battle” when it came to my disordered eating recovery process.

But the past two weeks — in spite of being painfully aware that I’ve been over-eating — or this past weekend, when I just gave in to emotional eating, period (borderlining on binges) — all the awareness in the world — even recognizing the “why” — hasn’t helped me stop.

I’m not channeling the CBT techniques I learned in therapy, like trying to occupy myself with other thoughts or doing something else when the impulse to eat strikes — recognizing food won’t fill a void but rather is just anesthetizing me to whatever I’m feeling, as Kara DioGuardi noted in this month’s Women’s Health cover story.

I’m basically just giving into the orange binge monster (WW’s adorable mascot) whatever, whenever. And it’s ugly. Continue reading “The Evil Binge Monster & Random Thoughts About Running” →

Be All That You Can Be.

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Today, as I sat at work eating mini Reese’s peanut butter cups on autopilot (taking a little nibble and tossing them, one by one) and docking the Points one by one, feeling like a temporary failure (knowing HELLO, I shouldn’t have bought them in the first place, let alone brought them in to the office, as they’re a trigger food …) I couldn’t help but wonder …

Doesn’t everyone want to be the best they can be?

Or is it just a few of us in this world that set really high expectations for ourselves and feel disappointed in ourselves when we “screw up?”

I don’t think it’s a crazy question to ask — with respect to recovery or life more generally. I think it’s human nature to want to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Continue reading “Be All That You Can Be.” →

Shrouding: Disordered or Not?

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Heather’s recent post, “Helpful Hint or Disordered Eating” at Hangry Pants really got me thinking …

As Heather notes in her post, “For some time we’ve debated food destruction – ruining your food with something like salt or hot sauce so that it is inedible. Jillian Michaels pours candle wax on her food (thanks for the link Julie) when she is full, and instructs Biggest Loser players to destroy desserts with salt.”

While I think Jillian’s solution is on the extreme side, it saddens me to admit it’s not something I couldn’t have imagined myself doing back in the day of peak disorderedness.

Sad but true.

Continue reading “Shrouding: Disordered or Not?” →

Just “Eh”

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<–That was the view from my hotel room in Salt Lake City. Gorgeous, isn’t it?!

It’s been one looooong week between traveling for work and then coming back and feeling slammed, so I thought since I just don’t have it in me to do a real post, that I’d leave you with these few tid-bits and a couple pics.

1) I am still over-eating and buying crap I don’t need. I”m hoping to have a good week next week.

2) In Salt Lake City, I had one of THE best meals of my life … and ate and drank and enjoyed, guilt-free. However, my stomach cannot handle rich foods and I didn’t feel so good afterwards. You live and learn; it was still worth every single bite. Continue reading “Just “Eh”” →

Random Musings and Merry Christmas Wishes

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Me last Christmas break @ Thomas Sweets, my fave fro-yo place in D.C. Man I miss my city!

Merry Christmas, everyone — happy holidays!!

We are going to the Chicago ‘burbs to spend time with my hubby’s extended family.

Tonight I made my beloved Oreo balls (and aside from some chocolate chips, all I tasted was the corner of one — which I froze in a baggie to have later).

I hope they like them — they have two kids and I figure kids will eat anything with chocolate, right?!

I know I sound like a broken record here but instead of journaling tonight in my personal journal, I’m blogging Continue reading “Random Musings and Merry Christmas Wishes” →

Junk Food As Addicting As Heroin?!

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Friend and blog reader Yas passed this blog post from FitSugar on to me and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Since we’re coming off one of the traditional food-fest holidays where sweets and treats are abundant, I thought it’d be an appropriate and timely piece.

Per FitSugar, “A new study says that eating junk food can fuel an addiction that is on par with what a cocaine or heroin junkie feels. The study, conducted by the Scripps Research Institute, followed the behavioral patterns of lab rats that were given an unlimited supply of junk food.

Over time, the rats had less sensitivity in their brain’s pleasure centers and needed to up the amount of high-fat and high-calorie foods they were eating, in effect, to get high. Not surprisingly, the rats got really fat too — doubling their initial weight.” Continue reading “Junk Food As Addicting As Heroin?!” →

Beckoners Vs. Hummers

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BagelsAs you know, I’ve been chew/spit free since mid-March.

But I am still struggling with impulsive food purchases/eating.

 Granted, this isn’t nearly as terrible a habit as c/s was, but it’s still something that doesn’t exactly inspire pride, and is dangerous for my waistline.

Fortunately, at the gym this weekend, I found Geneen Roth’s latest column in Good Housekeeping which talks about why we eat what we eat. (I tried to find it online, but it’s not there yet.)

To summarize, in the article, she places the foods we eat into two categories: hummers and beckoners.

Continue reading “Beckoners Vs. Hummers” →

Asking for Help

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chemistry%20labThough I took all Honors/AP classes in high school and did really well at nearly all of them, I found out the hard way I simply wasn’t cut out for Honors Chemistry … and probably should have cut my losses instead of pushing myself through the class.

But, being stubborn and not being one to easily accept that I’m not good at something … I finished the class.

Our teacher, Mrs. Gantz, used to tell us (her “Chem Wizards”) that we were “sucking wind” when we didn’t get something but thought we did/pretended to, to avoid embarassment … and then flunked a quiz or exam.

This happened a lot with me; I’d study like mad, I’d think I knew the material … and then suddenly would find myself battering test anxiety, discovering I couldn’t balance chemical reactions and was just kidding myself. I was always more interested in reading/writing/history than science, and it showed. Continue reading “Asking for Help” →