… but life does go on

For  as  grief-stricken as I am at  the sudden loss of  one of my best  friends … and for as  sad and angry and upset as I  am … life  does move  on.

It happens in little ways … like how dusk turns to dawn and again dusk, with the sun setting  and  the moon rising for  the past  eight days.

Or like how thanks to heavy downpours all week, the grass is finally springy and verdant; green and plush. As I noted to Maya on the drive home from school  today, soon the bare trees on our street will canopy the road with their lush leaves.

And  it happens in big  ways … like how Ben started saying “HELLO!” this weekend; previously it had  been “Hi” and now he’s all  about yelling “HELLO MAMA!” when  he walks into a room. Or how all of a sudden he wants “DOWN” and is telling me “NO” while pushing  me  away (quite the opposite of what he put  me  through in Mexico just two weeks  ago!).

That’s the  tricky thing  about  this  period … however  long  it  lasts: Life does go  on all around  us … and while it  can feel overwhelming at times, it’s part of  the process — learning  to  cope and discover  a “new  normal” … one  that  doesn’t involve someone you  care  about as  an active part of  your life  but rather  someone  who is now forever  young, memorialized in photos  and funny/sweet/silly anecdotes,  and resides in our heart.

It’s not  the way any of  us want it to  be … but it’s not like  there’s  anything we can do.

Tomorrow, I’m not working. I’m meeting one of my  fave  friends for a  day of shopping, eating, and  gabbing … sans kiddos. We  are both  stoked for the girl-time, and truthfully I think the quiet time I’ll have in the car will be therapeutic; self-care of sorts …something I’ve been neglecting between being sick post-vacation two weeks ago and then Rachel’s sudden passing last  week.

And I  do need to take  care of myself.

Just like when flying,  they always tell you to put your own oxygen  mask before  helping others … that certainly applies here,  too.

It’s not  always easy or natural,  but it  is something  I need to  do. Because life does go on … and I need to be able  to   savor it, embrace  it, and accept it.


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