That One Thing

There are 365 days in a year, and today is only Day Seven–the sweet anticipation of being on the precipice of something exciting. Of a new year, a new month, a blank slate, a fresh start. A tabula rosa. 358 days to make something really awesome happen.

In many ways,  I feel like I’ve been very blessed in life and have accomplished many of my goals (both personally and professionally) — but there’s one thing I haven’t achieved that I’ve had my heart set on: getting a book deal.

For the past, oh, six years now, I’ve been saying my goal is to be a legit, published author with a book deal and an  agent — the real deal.

And I keep thinking about it … But that’s where my struggle lies. 

The thinking. Because the thoughts can be paralyzing, all-consuming, and can mess with your mind.

Every time I thought I knew the direction I wanted to head, I course-corrected and found myself staring at a blank screen, hitting delete and starting over. Something was always standing in my way of making that dream a reality: myself. Partly because I haven’t put in the necessary time to dedicate to my writing and partly because I kept thinking, well, I haven’t quite figured out my niche: There are a million working moms out there who write about finding the elusive thing called “balance.” There are a million books about body image.  Eating disorders. There are a million books about fitness and food addictions. About mothers and daughters. So what sets me apart from the pack? For me, it kind of all ties together.

And then it hit me that it doesn’t matter if it all ties together; maybe I carve out my own niche. A basic rule of writing is to write about what you know.

I know what it’s like to experience pregnancy and motherhood through the lens of a recovered disordered eater — the normal thoughts and feelings “normal” women have as they experience it are only magnified and it can take legitimate effort to push the thoughts away … but it’s necessary for a healthy pregnancy and beyond. And I know what it’s like to not only survive, but thrive, in the aftermath of recovery. I’m an advocate, and I’m a real  person with ties to plenty of people in this community. I can have a voice on a bigger platform.

And so with that in mind, I forced myself to finish the book proposal I began a year ago almost to the date and hit SEND with a grand flourish … followed by a a frantic “OMG OMG OMG did I really do this?!” to Luis afterwards.

I can’t tell you what will come from it — I sent the proposal to one literary agency as an exclusive and have my fingers and toes crossed that magic will happen — but I do know this: putting my thoughts on paper was supremely helpful and if nothing else, it got me fired up for this year and all that 2015 can hold.

This is the year of BOLD … I’m 35 and I want to see this dream come to fruition THIS YEAR. I know it won’t happen unless I’m persistent and take the steps to make it happen. (Isn’t insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?). I need to carve out time for writing, and be consistent about it — so thanks for the nudge, K.B.!

And now “that one thing” is out there in the universe … all fears cast aside. I might be outright rejected, I might be criticized … or I might be “discovered.” And none of it could happen keeping this all to myself.

How about you? What is your #1 priority/goal this new year? Is there a dream unfulfilled you are seeking to achieve?

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