start, stop, start, stop

Nearly every night after the kids are in bed now I’ve attempted to open my laptop — the very same laptop I spend nine hours a day working on — and tried to hunker down and write: observations, summaries of cool stuff I have seen or read related to fitness, motherhood, pregnancy, body image ….anything to keep my blog a living, breathing ecosystem of sorts.

Every night I start blogging … and then I stop.

I stop because I think of the endless sea of bottles that need to get washed. The clothes kids’ that were washed and dried and now need to be folded (and eventually put away in their rooms but instead wait outside their rooms in laundry baskets because they’re asleep by the time I could put them away and then mornings are too rushed to think about it so why the hell not just wait til Saturday!). The photo book I’m a year and a month behind. The ingredients we need from the grocery store for tomorrow’s dinner. The phone calls I didn’t get to make. The birth announcements I’ve designed but not yet ordered

It just feels like too much, and I give up.

Anyone who knows me knows … this isn’t how I roll. I’m a doer and a finisher. I’m stubborn and tenacious to a fault; a first-born through and through.

But while I have no trouble filling up my Facebook and Instagram feeds, I have no less than nine unfinished blog posts here in my blog’s Drafts folder at the moment. And it frustrates me to no end. I’m a writer, for crying out loud! It’s not only my profession but also my passion. It’s something that comes naturally to me … and yet lately, I find myself unable to put a pen to paper. I start, stop, start, stop. It’s a vicious cycle.

I would like to blame it on sleep deprivation but since we hit the three-month mark, Ben’s been a pint-sized rockstar lately, settling into a beautiful (and much-appreciated!) routine of sleeping about 7:30PM -6:30/7 AM, straight through–waking happy!! YAY! 🙂 I remember when this happened with Maya (around the same time) and it was a gift like none other. I don’t know if it’s going back to work and adjusting to life with two kids and trying to figure our new normal … Who knows. Whatever the reason, I’m really struggling to create noteworthy content here on my blog.

So I’m trying a different approach. Instead of pretending I can pump out awesome posts every night — which is totally unrealistic at this point in my life — I’m going to take a step back and let my writing come more organically –the way it used to. When I had something I really important to share. When I had the time to dedicate to the craft: the thought process, the endless word-smithing, editing and re-editing until I felt a post was deemed worthy of hitting “Publish.”

As it is, I’ve been so infrequent with posts and now that I’m finding my groove — in general — I think I’ll be better-equipped to write, and write well. It might not be often, but I’ll slowly finish the posts I started and see where the wind takes me.

Thanks for joining me on the ride and for understanding that the past three months, especially, have been a period of major transition as I figure this whole working-mom-with-two-kids life out!

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