My sincere apologies … I’ve been lacking in blogging mojo lately. Between being sick, the holidays, my whole family visiting (yay!) and soaking up the last few weeks of my maternity leave, I’ve been a busy girl and blogging has taken a backseat to life.
All good things must come to an end. 😦
I am going back to work December 23. Two weeks from today. As I sit here typing, snow is falling outside my window and Ben is asleep next to me on the couch. I’m cozy and happy, decked out in jammies and slippers, a mug of cocoa to my right. Today, we are home-bound. No errands, no plans, just lots of snuggles.But this little “holiday” is (crazily!) drawing to a close. And the fact that Ben is (most likely) our last baby makes me sad. This is really it. He’s already more and more looking like an infant vs a newborn; a little boy. I’ve packed up newborn clothes and even some 0-3 month … something that happened much later with Maya. It’s a bittersweet end; mostly because I know a new beginning awaits. A new “normal” … being a working-outside-the-home mom to two kids.
We did a trial day at daycare last week and he did amazing. Because I’m so comfortable with the teachers and his school, it felt totally normal to drop him off for the day so I could attend on-boarding meetings at work (my company got bought out so as of January 1, I have a new title and technically a new employer!). The teachers loved on him and Maya visited him — and my heart felt full knowing these things. No jealousy, no twinges of envy. I didn’t even cry dropping him off, because I know how much she has thrived there and believe the same will happen with Ben. I trust them and feel good about what lies ahead for him.
To be honest, I’m not really ready for what lies ahead for me … Sure, it’s been exhausting being home with Ben at times (and I’d kill to be able to sleep in more than 3-hour increments because I still wake to pump even though he is asleep!), but it’s been so, so, so rewarding and getting to know him has been so much fun. Of course, now that we have a little routine going on, and now that he is a ball of fun … it’s time for me to go back to work … Murphy’s Law of motherhood. And I feel very conflicted about it. Right now, I don’t have the financial option of not working. And I do genuinely enjoy my job. I just don’t feel ready yet.
Our nugget turned two months on December 3 and I didn’t even get a chance to blog. Sigh. I will say this: when he looks at me and grins or giggles and my whole self just melts. He turns to my voice and looks around for me now. He loves when I stand in front of the mirror holding him — he seems to realize “hey that’s us!” (OK, probably not yet but he does smile at our reflection). He can somewhat soothe himself to sleep lately and sometimes we even find him happily kicking and cooing in his crib versus screaming his little head off when he wakes. He interacts more with Maya now, which she loves. He grabs for toys. Hold things. “Talks” (read as: coos). He seems to listen intently as I talk to him all day long. And I can’t help but wonder what he is thinking about. He is changing by the day.
It amazes me how quickly he can go from happy as a lark to screaming bloody murder — one second flat, I’ve timed him 😉 Poor kiddo seems to have mild reflux — our ped said he might just be what they call a “happy spitter.” Lucky us. She swears it’s a laundry problem more than a medical one … we shall see! But all in all, he’s a sweet baby. We’re finding our rhythm, albeit slowly. He’s generally eating every three hours and taking a couple naps a day. If we catch him before he’s over-tired, he can sleep 9 or 10 to somewhere between 3-5 AM. But he is still pretty young to formally sleep-train (we started with Maya at 11 weeks and she took to it easily and is still a wonderful sleeper to this day).
As for me, I’m doing OK. Sleep-deprived for sure, but that comes with the territory. Recovery from my c-section has been easier this time around, but I feel like my body hasn’t bounced back quite as quickly. Oh well. I’m almost 10 weeks out and still have a pooch and of course don’t love the scary red line (incision) across my abdomen … but in time it (and the pooch) will disappear. I’m back at the gym a couple days a week (yay!). I’m wearing real jeans again (hurrah!). And I bought a new pair of black pants and two new dresses to update my work wardrobe. I’m 7.4 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight but I’m not doing anything — other than journaling on MyFitnessPal — to really change it. Right now, with the holidays, I’m in coasting/maintenance mode. Mostly because I know myself; restricting never helps me. Moderation does.
Over these next two weeks, my body isn’t really a top priority. I just want to soak up as much time with my little family as I can. I can’t believe this is it, the end of my leave. My last one, most likely. The last time in my adult life I’ll be off work til I retire. Crazy thought …
So if you don’t hear from me much these next two weeks, that’s why. Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy holiday season and looking forward to what 2014 has in store for us all!