It shouldn’t surprise anyone — as I’ve discussed it here before on numerous occasions — but for as far as I’ve come in my journey and relationship with food, I’m still an emotional eater. Yes, I just admitted that. That issue hasn’t gone away.
The difference is now, I just manage it better … i.e., I move on. I don’t over-exercise to compensate, I don’t restrict to compensate, I don’t berate myself to compensate, and I don’t talk about food incessantly to compensate.
These are all the [unhealthy] coping mechanisms of the past. The coping mechanism of the present is, shamefully/proudly … acceptance. I am an emotional eater. I’m not a binger. I’m not a purger. I’m not a restricter. I’m just someone who, if happy/sad/anxious … celebrates and self-medicates with food. And when I emotionally eat, I journal it, and that’s that.
We all know it’s the little things that add up: the impulse chocolate buy, snatching some of Luis’s fries, making the suggestion we go for fro-yo when I know I don’t technically “need it” …
But here’s the rub: I don’t want to stop.
You see, I know what I’m doing when I’m doing it. But that knowledge alone isn’t enough of a reason to stop. In fact, I like the freedom I have to live and let live. It’s not just because I’m pregnant and obviously am on a weight-gain mission for nine months. It’s more that I’m working out the same as pre-pregnancy, eating more (not a ton, but def. the couple extra hundred calories a day I should be eating in the second trimester) and — miracle of miracles — I’m not gaining like crazy. Gaining, yes, but as I should be … not like crazy (always a legitimate fear). In other words, my body is at a point of near-equilibrium where I can “afford” some wiggle room.
This “balance” surely doesn’t mean throw healthy eating and fitness out the window — I definitely feel better when I work out and make better choices. But it also is good, living proof for me that those emotional outbursts where I turn to food–for better or for worse — and used to beat myself up for them aren’t necessarily a terrible thing. Beating myself up was probably far more dangerous, in retrospect. Self-loathing is not a good thing under any circumstances.
I’m sure any therapist or dietician out there would tell me I’m crazy, that emotional eating is bad, it’s filling a void for something else, it can cause weight gain … and maybe that’s all true. But I don’t see it that way anymore. For me, it isn’t all bad. Especially when it comes to celebratory emotional eating. Right now, anything feels like a celebration. I got up and worked out — latte time! I finished a work assignment early. Who wants to go out for lunch!? And when I feel stressed and turn to food … and that happens a lot (especially now: selling one house, packing, moving, and almost 19 weeks pregnant!) …I try to sit with it for a minute and then, if I’m going to buy/eat whatever it is … I move on. I eat better at the next meal (isn’t that what “normal people” do anyway?!).
After all, tomorrow is a new day. And until we’re no longer here, there’s always an opportunity for a fresh start.
How about you? Are you an emotional eater? Have any coping mechanism worked for you? Or have you made peace with your emotional eating, too?
Let There Be Light 
I think what you are describing is pretty normal – I wouldn’t worry. Coming from the place you came from with disordered eating (as I did), this sounds pretty normal and generally healthy. I also still eat emotionally. Mostly for two reasons: a) stress at work. If I am feeling overwhelmed I get the urge to run down to the store, buy some sugar treat, and have it beside me while I stress the rest of the afternoon mindlessly eating junk and working. B) “relaxing” at home. Winding down and shaking off the stress of the day for a long time meant eating sugary treats ( tere I a pattern) so often my me time consisted of eating because I had a hard time giving myself a true break. I couldn’t justify it to myself. Those used to be full out binges. Now I certainly do catch myself with a bag of chocolate next to my computer on a stressful day but I won’t eat it until I am sick to my stomach. I may have a few then leave it there. Or some days I don’t make the trip to the store. Like yesterday. I told my administrator I was craving chocolate. I even said out loud, “it’s because I feel overwhelmed with the workload I have”. Then I didn’t go get any. And when she offered me what she had in her drawers I said no. I guess my point is everyone in this society emotionally eats. I’ve come to believe that it is extremely difficult to find a “normal” eater anywhere these days. I eat what I want, no rules, no berating. People are shocked I can have no rules to my eating and not be overweight but it is the no rules that got me here – I think. I think you just keep doing what you are doing and be aware of those times you may be emotionally eating more. There probably is a reason. Knowing the reason: what feelin are you ignoring- will help. You are going through a lot right now. Is it possible that eating things you may not always let yourself have in this frequency is your own way of getting through your emotions (possibly anxiety? – as it would be in my case) cause by all this change in your life right now? Nothing is worth beating ourselves up. I completely agree. Sorry this is a novel! I haven’t been reading as much any more as I was. Should say congrats on the pregnancy!!!
Hi there and nice to see you here again 🙂 I appreciate you sharing your words and experiences. I know right now, it’s stress — of the unknown (potentially two mortgages looming, a new baby coming, moving, feeling the pull to spend more time at home …) I am able to pinpoint the cause of my anxiety/stress … but it isn’t stopping me from sometimes turning to emotional eating to cope. And thank you 🙂