Confession time: I am human.
OK, I know you already know that, but hear me out. Because for all of the acceptance I’ve come to experience in terms of my own body confidence, I am pregnant and therefore, gaining weight. This is fine — it’s what should be happening, and what I am totally grateful for … believe me, I know how lucky I am to be in this position right now!
But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard some days. See, it seems like everyone I know right now (in real life and the blogosphere) is on an intense weight-loss mission. Maybe it’s summer coming … who knows. They’re dieting and/or ramping up their exercise. They are doing awesome and I’m completely proud of their hard work and efforts — their commitment is infectious.
But while their resistance muscles are strong — and mine WAS strong at one point — it is now weak. I am pregnant, and I simply cannot jump on this bandwagon.
Not because I don’t believe in working out and eating well during pregnancy. I do; I am! It’s just that I’m not in a position right now to be in weight-loss mode. Which, again, is fine. I am actually OK with seeing the scale go up and watching my belly curve out just a smidge more each week. I don’t mind that; I actually love it. My body is doing what it should be doing right now and it’s exciting.
Yet for some reason, hearing/reading the diet/fitness talk is tough to swallow some days. Not every day, just some days. And it’s not that I’m not happy for them — I am! But as someone with a past of food and body image issues, I can see how being around too much weight-loss talk could be a trigger. Fortunately, I know it won’t because I am strong and won’t fall victim to triggers … but I’m not going to say the potential isn’t there.
The difference is that now I know how to cope with it: by addressing the envious feelings and then validating them as real — but also irrational (hello, I am pregnant!).
What I won’t do: isolate myself from conversations about food and fitness, because 1) it’s something I believe in/enjoy talking about otherwise and 2) isolating myself solves nothing.
That being said, I am proud of myself for realizing that these conversations can be a source of anxiety … and that I shouldn’t take them personally. Over these next five months, I’ll be a bystander; a cheerleader. I can’t play the game, but I can root for my friends’ successes the way I know they’d do for me.
Sure, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it’s hard some days to be around food/exercise talk. But what I need to keep in check is this: it’s my cross to bear, and no one else’s.
How about you? Is it hard for you to be around food/fitness talk when you are the one who isn’t in a dieting/weight loss mindset?