Why I Won’t “Go Back There”

Disclaimer: I had been thinking about writing a post like this anyway, but after a couple close friends and family members who read my blog regularly mentioned genuine concern over me wanting to get “back on track” turning into a possible relapse into disordered eating/over-exercising, I decided to write it now. I completely get where they are coming from — it’s all said out of love and care — so I decided to post this today.

I know it sounds crazy to say this, but in spite of my ugly past, I have absolutely no fears that my new re-dedication to the gym or to clean[er] eating will lead me into the deep depths of disordered eating or over-exercising again.

How can I be so sure, so confident? This is how.

I’ve been on a good path since March 2009 now — haven’t engaged in any unhealthy behaviors or anything since. Haven’t even wanted to.

I know myself now. I know my triggers … and I know my limits. I have anxiety-reducing coping mechanisms I can turn to that I didn’t have back during my dark days. (And yes, [moderate] exercise is one of those coping mechanisms!)

But most importantly, I have a husband and daughter I need to be here for; I want to be here for. There is just no going back, plain and simple. In fact, it’s because of them that I really want to be as strong and fit as possible. I want to live to be 100!!

With my new-found motivation/health kick …

There is no obsessive weigh-ins or measuring of every food item I eat.

There’s no restriction going on — nor will there be. There is Point counting, but there has been Point counting since 2004–for better or for worse.

There is more fitness happening now (more than just Zumba 3-4 classes a week)  — but this extra lifting time is not taking away from time with my little family, as I’m going on off-Zumba days at 5:30 AM with a friend twice a week and will be training once a week at 6:30 AM.

But in my new commitment to health, there is portion control — something I’m pretty good at after 8 yrs on WW. And balanced meals. And[mostly] healthy choices. And treats, of course! Truly gone are the days of restricting and over-exercising. Neither holds a place in my current lifestyle (or future) and neither make me happy.

I’m not trying to lose a bunch of weight or anything — but I would like to tone up, especially now…  before (someday, God-willing!) Baby #2 comes along. I feel like I finally have my mojo back … like I’m in a good place in so many areas of my life and this is one area that I’ve been slacking in and it impacts all other areas. So why not take positive steps now?

I know it’s easy to fall back into bad habits … and it’s not that I think I won’t be tested … the difference is that now I’m 33 …. and a different person. I really believe I am strong enough now not to go there … Ever again.

There’s just too much at stake; people I’m not willing to let down. And that includes family and friends … but also you, my loyal readers who have been with me on this wild and crazy path.

So mark these words: I’m not going back. I can promise you that!



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