I don’t know about you, but every breakup I’ve ever experienced has been downright agonizing.
I remember after one particularly hard breakup freshman year of college, my ex — who was a year ahead of me– decided two and a half years later to cleanse his soul the semester before he graduated … throwing me for a complete loop and giving me false hope that maybe we’d reconnect. We did not … it was awful, and I drowned my sorrows in a bottle of Malibu.
Fortunately, I met my now-husband the following fall … but to this day, I have not been able to drink Malibu since. Which is probably a good thing.
Which brings me to my relationship with Gym. For years, we had a nice relationship. We saw each other on occasion and made the most of our time together. Then I began Weight Watchers and we delved into an unhealthy, obsessive relationship. Even though I had lots of friends, my then-BF (now husband) was in another country, so Gym was all I had. We saw each other sometimes twice a day, and it was manic and wrong on so many levels. (Who knew something so good for you could turn on you so quickly?)
It took a while, but I figured out the hard way that we needed a little break and, in time, we simmered down. Then throughout my pregnancy with Maya, we slowed things down even more — though we still continued to see one another up til a few weeks before I delivered her.
As a new mom who works outside the home, finding time to work out — especially with Luis in Ann Arbor for school several nights a week — has been challenging. Though Maya is in bed by 7, I can’t leave her home alone and the gym’s daycare is closed anyway by 7. I have DVD workouts and weights, but I never do them. And I tried going in the mornings for a few weeks and that worked OK until this past month (October) where I spent one week away entirely and two weeks on a murder trial. The last thing I wanted to think about was the gym.
But now it’s becoming quite obvious Gym and I have taken a long break. I feel tired all the time and lethargic, two words that VERY rarely describe me. What’s sad is, until now, I didn’t even care … didn’t miss Gym. The breakup didn’t agonize me — me, a former over-exerciser extraordinaire, was barely phased by this little hiatus! WHOA.
This time, he didn’t give me the “we need space” line. And it wasn’t that we didn’t feel we weren’t right together. Unfortunately, this time, it was all my doing. I’ve just been too darn busy for him and, more importantly (read as — sadly), haven’t WANTED to make time for him … a big change for me, and not a great attitude to have.
We all know relationships work best when we nuture them … and since I’ve neglected dear old Gym, I’m thinking he won’t exactly welcome me back with open arms. I’m going to need to make time for Gym … not in the crazy obsessed way of our past, but in a healthy, balanced way. He needs to know I care for him … but that I won’t “die” without him the way I might have.
Somewhere, there is a happy medium … and I need to find it before my new jeans (in a size smaller than pre-pregnancy, might I add — thank you, vanity sizing … HA) get snug. With the holidays coming, especially, I am feeling a sense of urgency to get off my butt.
I’m not making any promises here or anything but I am going to set a realistic goal of hitting the gym three times a week. That’s what I’m aiming for these days. Three days. No more six and seven days a week as goals — those days are history. And you know what? Three days a week is good enough for now.
Gym, I hope you’ll have me back. I’ve missed our trysts!
How about you? What is your relationship with fitness like at the moment? How has it changed?