Yesterday was my first day not lugging my black pump bag to work. It was liberating, that’s quite sure! … But also a bit strange to not see my calendar blocked out four times a day; not to pack up all my laptop, etc, and bring it into the mother’s room; not to schedule meetings around said blocked-off time slots … and it was also more emotional than I expected it to be.
I immediately walked into the office and went to drop my bag off in the mama’s room, which I’ve done every day since coming back to work March 14.
But there was no need … so I turned on my heel and strode the other way to my cufice.
This really is the end of an era for Maya and I … one of many to come. And this is why I heart my mom.
After I sent her a pic of (what I thought was) Maya’s last bottle of breast milk this weekend, she emailed me this:
“You’ve done a remarkable job, Lis, and endured so much stress just to make sure you were doing right by your baby. Though I didn’t experience what you did, I know how every step of separation is a huge one and all are emotional. 1st steps, eating by herself, going to school…..this is one of many times as as a mama you’ll feel emotional because each step of progress for them is a step further away from her dependency on you. Having said that, though, she can only take those steps because you’ve given her the nutrients and the loving care she needs. Great job baby. I’m very proud of you. Dad’s very proud of you. Maya has gotten the best possible start in life.”
I know not everyone can understand this whole nursing + pumping business (especially my readers who aren’t moms or are but didn’t nurse) but I can’t ignore such a big part of my life and I hope that by sharing these thoughts/feelings, others will be able to relate or at least understand the emotional side of things a little better.
I don’t know when she will get her last drop of milk or when the last time I nurse will be (or was?!) … but I know that a new world awaits … one that doesn’t require being attached to a piece of equipment. And that, my friends, is a welcome notion!
**I will continue to pump three times a day (down from 7-8) til my supply is totally gone, likely a week or so given my supply?? We shall see!