It’s really hard to find time these days for everything I want to find time for: family time, couple time, and me time. All are important. And one of them is suffering greatly: couple time.
It shouldn’t be … Maya goes to bed early enough. But it is.
Because we have fallen into the new parent trap of still trying to live like we did pre-baby, and, frankly, it’s not working.
As the film title goes, “Something’s gotta give.”
Though we generally go for a long walk after work most days with Rocco and Maya (a nice chance to unwind and chat about our days + spend some quality family time together), twice a week, my hubby goes to play racquetball with his league around 7 and comes home around 9. So, since there’s nowhere I’d rather be, anyway, I stay with Maya. Then, if I’m not too wiped out when he gets home, I’ll hit the gym, come home and shower and prep for the next day; often he is studying or on a group call. So I’ll blog or play Words with Friends and go to sleep.
Which means we get like alone time/time together as a couple.
Here’s where things get tricky: it’s not like we can just stop working out and, obviously, we can’t go at the same time — someone needs to watch Maya.
Unfortunately, both of us are the kind of people that NEED exercise. Not in the OCD manner of a few years ago, of course, but still. We used to be able to run or bike together, so I didn’t mind our separate workout routines otherwise … but those days are gone now.
And I feel better about myself when I have the opportunity to work out; when I don’t, I’m more tired and cranky. Realistically, I can’t go in the mornings anymore (I need to pump and get myself and Maya ready to be out the door by 7:30–and it takes me the full 90 minutes to do all that) and his league is a night league, so it’s not like that could change. And I won’t go right after work because then I’d have no time with Maya. So I’m stuck going at night, if at all. Lately, I’ve just been too tired to go. Not good for my mind or my body.
Which brings me to the weekends.
I feel bad saying this because it could bite me later, but Maya is an easy and adaptable baby. (I’m not gloating; this is what others tell me and since she’s my only kid I have no comparison). She goes wherever. She can sit quietly anywhere (even in a client meeting recently, which is a funny story for a later time!) so we bring her with us everywhere: to dinner, brunch, coffee, even happy hour with friends (at restaurants–not bars!). I realize this phase won’t last forever once she’s mobile, but for now, she’s our little trooper.
We don’t have family around to babysit so we could have a night out (though we did have a date night back when Maya was a month old and my mom came to visit).Thing was, it was nice to take advantage of the opportunity of having family here, but we weren’t desperate for a night out yet at that point.
And we’re still not at that desperate point but I could see us getting there soon. Very soon. As in, July 12 is hubby’s birthday soon! (Thinking about asking one of Maya’s babyschool teachers to sit for us).
The lack of time together upsets him, too, but I’m more worked up about this than he is; his schedule is the one that is the least able to budge since I’m not the one getting my MBA and since my work schedule is more flexible. So it’s hard.
I knew things would change when we had a baby, but this part is tough. So I thought I’d reach out to you, my blog readers and ask … how do you make it work?! Any and all suggestions welcome!
How about you? How do you make time for yourselves as a couple? What has to give in order to make it happen?