A long time ago, I wrote a post at WeAretheRealDeal called “Dressing for Me” that I revisited tonight.
You see, in October 2009, I finally came to terms with no longer being a size 8 (at least not in pants).
That month, I bought my first post-WW pair of size 10s, a blow to my former size-6’s ego. Though I still fit into some size 8s in my closet, I was definitely squeezing myself into them … and it wasn’t pretty. I knew needed to buy a size up and so, as I described in that post, I bit the bullet. The world did not come crashing down, no one judged me and life carried on.
Then came pregnancy.I didn’t gain a ton of weight (25 lbs total) but my body definitely changed.
I started off in maternity 10s … but eventually needed to buy 12s. Though there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a 12, it was a little upsetting at the time because it was my pre-WW size, a size I didn’t expect to see again.
I’d always figured post-baby I’d be able to get back into my favorite size 30 Joe’s jeans … eventually. So I really wasn’t too worried and even these past eight weeks, in spite of journaling, I have not given weight loss a real effort.
And it shows.
Hence the reason I haven’t even gone near my jeans; I know they won’t fit and don’t want to be discouraged. But I also know (comfy as they are!) I can’t wear maternity jeans forever. After I wear them for an hour, they’re sagging in the back and butt … and I don’t have a belly to hold up the panel so they just look funny.
Which is why I found myself today on the hunt for a pair of inexpensive, cute, stylish jeans that wouldn’t break the bank and would transition well into spring — regardless of if I lose the rest of the baby weight (and then some) or not.
At Old Navy, I pondered the expansive wall of jeans. I’ve never bought jeans at Old Navy (except maternity jeans) and had no idea how they ran … but I figured I’d err on the side of caution and grabbed a 12, hoping they’d be loose but expecting them to fit.
And fit they did. They were not low-rise, so they didn’t bother my incision mark (major plus!). And the length was perfect for my low-heeled tall boots (which I wear most of the time). So I bought them without giving it a second thought.
The truth is, I knew I couldn’t shop for the body I want; I had to shop for the body I have … now, in this moment. And if, in a few months, they’re loose … all the better. But if they aren’t, at least I’ll have a pair of jeans that fit me well and have a zipper 😉
[Plus, I had a coupon for 35% off, so the pair came to a whopping $23. A far cry from my former days of $150 jeans!]
The moral of the story is I viewed this experience in a very matter-of-fact, emotion-less manner … totally unlike me. I’m not going to lie and say I was completely unaffected seeing what size I needed to buy, but it’s my current reality and there’s no denying it.
That’s what embracing the here and now is about. The rest will come in due time.