Feeling her little kicks (my husband can even feel them now!) and seeing my tummy twitch late at night just makes it all worth it … and knowing she’ll be here in roughly 16 weeks REALLY makes it worth it 😉
And because I’ve been journaling (albeit not dieting) and working out (albeit cutting back from my pre-pregnancy workouts) I’ve felt particularly good about how my body has changed with pregnancy.
Sure, my waist is more or less gone, I’m thick around the middle, and my hips are fleshier. But now that I have a bit of bump action going on, it feels the way it should be. I really feel like it’s all baby right now, and though I’m sure — like all new moms — I’ll be left with some excess weight to work off … I hope that the good habits I’ve been practicing (save for the junk food cravings I’ve given into) will help me do that when the time comes.
So given my positive state of mind, I was surprised at how some words I heard today really stung.
You see, we never officially announced the pregnancy — I mean, here on the blog I did, and of course friends and family knew directly from us … but we never made some grandiose announcement and that was because of the precarious testing we were going through. Which means a lot of people still don’t know …
Someone who didn’t know until last Friday knows now!
I was lugging a bunch of bags (lunch bag, gym bag, laptop bag, purse) and she commented that I was “carrying a ton of weight,” which I — not realizing she didn’t know — commented, “And I’m carrying extra weight here, too” and pointed at my belly. She looked back at me, totally surprised, and said, “Wait, you’re pregnant?! I had no idea!”
Then today I rode the elevator out with her. I was wearing an adorable black maternity dress my mom had sent me, and feeling good. I knew you could see my bump in it, and I felt confident all day.
She was eying me again, and this time commented about how she really couldn’t tell I was pregnant. Self-conscious, I stood to the side and smoothed out my dress. She told me I’m carrying low and must be having a boy (I’m 100% having a girl — unless DNA and the anatomy ultrasound are wrong … !).
And then she said what killed me, what stung, what burned. “You know, I couldn’t tell but then one day I noticed I hadn’t seen you coming out with your gym bag and figured she must have stopped working out and packed on the pounds.”
Now I know she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings — but OMG it hurt. I’ve said here, since getting married and moving to Michigan, I’ve gained 10-12 lbs that I didn’t lose pre-pregnancy. So I don’t know if she was referring to THOSE pounds I was “packing on” or the new weight I have gained throughout my first 24 weeks of pregnancy.
I was stunned … literally stunned, mostly by the acknowledgment by another that yea , I’d gained weight. But all I said was, “Oh, I never stopped working out — I just stopped changing at work before the gym.” (with the puppy, I need to go home immediately after work now).
And then, for good measure, I added, ” I’m really glad I’ve kept it up during my pregnancy.”
I know I shouldn’t care what others think. And I know that I shouldn’t compare; that each and every woman’s pregnancies are different — and even the same woman will have different pregnancies. But suddenly I was questioning my own body, wondering if maybe I wasn’t matching up to society’s expectations of what I should look like … and wondering just how pudgy I’d gotten pre-pregnancy!? I mean, I knew I didn’t look my best, but I didn’t feel like I’d “packed it on” — rather it was about a 5-lb gain each year.
When I got home I told my husband what happened. Naturally, he felt really bad about her “pounds” comment, but he said our security guard isn’t necessarily wrong in saying I don’t look very pregnant; he agreed I don’t look hugely pregnant (yet) — but reassured me that each and every woman looks different — and that since this is my first baby, I won’t look as pregnant now as someone having their second or third baby.
Rationally, I know this.
But emotionally … the string of words she said still stung for different reasons, true or not. The “packing on the pounds” comment hurt for obvious reasons … and the “you don’t look pregnant” comment hurt because I’ve been really proud of how I’ve been handling the weight gain … and the security guard wasn’t the first person to point out that I didn’t really “look” pregnant … which might explain the sensitivity to it.
There’s nothing I can do now about it, but I did want to share this today because it was weighing heavy on my mind and heart.
How about you? How have you handled comments that burn?