Observations on Weight

This morning I noticed I’m pooking out a bit. Finally!

I have been waiting for this day since I found out I was pregnant.

In many ways, you wear pregnancy like a secret badge for the first 14 weeks (i.e., first trimester).

And then, once you feel comfortable saying something — especially if it’s your first pregnancy and you’re like me and not really showing yet — it’s kind of, well, awkward.

I mean, how to bring it up when you’re bursting at the seams but not really bursting out of your seams quite yet?Again, awkward.

So unless the opportunity comes up, I don’t bring it up. In fact, I haven’t said much at work except to the handful of friends who knew what was going on with the testing (and my boss, for obvious reasons!)

That said, I’m rocking maternity clothes now. I mean, really, why the hell not? My amazing mom sent me a TON of adorable things last week — love you, Mama! — and I bought some other stuff.

Even if I don’t have much of an obvious bump to show quite yet and even if they’re a little big, the truth is, they”re way more comfortable than squeezing myself into my regular clothes just because I can. (Just because you “can” doesn’t mean you “should” applies here for sure!).

It’s crazy to me how just a few small pounds can make such a difference to your shape — it’s not at all like when I’ve gained a few pounds in the past. The weight sits very much in my tummy (well, at least for now;  I still have 5 months to go!).

Speaking of weight, I was thinking today about my weight loss journey back in 2004 and how it compares to what I’m experiencing now. Oddly, I notice a lot of similarities so far, which is surprising since the scales are tipping in completely opposite (but exciting) directions.

I recalled how my body changed dramatically in those eight months between April 2004 (when I began WW) and December 2004 (when I hit goal). I lost 35 lbs and dropped from a 14/12 to a 6. At the time, I got lots of compliments and comments on my “shrinking” form. It felt wonderful to hear the compliments.

I dressed to accentuate my new shape, and felt like a million bucks. And though at times I felt uncomfortable in my new skin (I wasn’t used to that kind of attention from others) I owned it.

What’s intriguing to me is that now I’m experiencing the opposite side of the spectrum... but in a way, it’s similar:  people commenting, staring, looking … only this time, it’s at your EXPANDING body, and with affection (vs the jealousy/envy women who lose weight sometimes experience). And the truth is (as of now) I don’t mind.

As before, I’m dressing for my new shape. I love the fact that a lot of today’s maternity styles are actually en vogue in regular clothes, too (you know what I mean — long, lean tanks and Ts and flowy tops, empire waists, maxi dresses, yoga skirts etc).  And once again, I”m trying to own it … in spite of the fact that at some point I am sure I’ll feel a bit uncomfortable in my new skin.

In a way, it’s crazy that I’m this calm about it all … believe me, it’s not what I would have expected of myself, either! But I have to say, it feels good to feel so cool, calm and collected about it –and it’s not hyperbole. It’s the real deal.

Maybe at 30, I’m finally learning what true self-acceptance means? Well, I’ll be … !

How about you? Does it make you uncomfortable when people notice weight gain/loss? Or do you just let it brush off you

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12 thoughts on “Observations on Weight

  1. I’m so interested in “normal” pregnancy weight gain because, even though I went through a whole pregnancy, I didn’t experience any of that part. I was at a meeting at work 3 weeks before I was starting my maternity leave and there were coworkers there who were surprised when I said I wouldn’t be at the next monthly meeting b/c I was going on maternity leave! My pregnancy was a surprise to pretty much anyone I told for 8 months. This made the whole thing weird in a way that would take a lot of space to talk about. I think I might write a companion post to yours. lol

    I’m very glad you’re enjoying this process and finding the comfort in it.

    1. Oh Candice, I’d love to read your take on this in more depth! So intriguing — it’s true, every single pregnancy (even for the same person) is unique. Definitely interesting to hear about.

      Thank you 🙂 So far, I am … talk to me in November/December!

  2. This is awesome! You are OWNING you who are RIGHT where you are. I am starting to get there after hitting 30 as well – feeling a little bit more “me” if that makes sense…though lately I’ve had those doubting body image moments and am trying so hard to shake them off, which is hard, as you know…I’m loving reading about all of these self-discovery moments, keep them coming, sista!

    1. Thanks so much!! I think there’s really something magical about 30. Hang in there — and thank you!! I can’t promise they’ll all be positive … but I am on a good path I feel.

  3. I absolutely LOVED my expanding belly when I was pregnant. LOVED IT!!

    One thing I always hated when I was in a weight loss phase was when someone said to me, “Wow, you’re really looking good”. It always felt to me like they were saying, “…yeah…you’re getting there. Not quite there yet, though…” BAH!

    1. Good to know!

      Oh yes, that is always awkward but in all honesty, I think people say it as encouragement and a way to draw attention without drawing attention, ya know? I don’t think it’s meant the way we perceive it.

  4. You know, my sister has never had food or body issues, but she expressed the same thing as you — that the first trimester is kind of awkward and weird, body-wise. She said, “I’m not obviously pregnant. It just looks like I’m bloated or I had too many beers for several weeks in a row.” haha. She persisted in wearing her usual clothes, but said she felt really uncomfortable all the time. i say embrace the maternity clothes! And your body 🙂 How exciting!

    1. Oh it SO is!!! Yea, it got to the point where I was just wearing them to say “I could still wear my jeans at 15 weeks.” Well, so what? In the grand scheme of things, I felt like a stuffed sausage. Not worth it. And I never had a muffin top and didn’t want to start seeing one now 😉

  5. Yay! That IS neat that maternity-ish clothes are in style these days. A girlfriend of mine is preggo and she wears black leggings with a long blouse quite a bit and it looks great on her!

    I find lately that I get people glancing down at my tummy, trying to see if there’s a bump there or not. We’ve been trying for almost a year but haven’t been successful yet. Even though I haven’t told many people that we’re trying, apparently we’ve been married long enough for folks to expect that we’d be expecting by now. (Heck, WE expected to be too! lol) But God doesn’t make mistakes so we’re waiting for his timing and enjoying life in the meantime.

    Also, I would imagine that some WOULD look at you with envy/jealousy these days, i.e. those who loved being preggo but have had all the kids that they are going to have, those who are single but really want kids, or those who have been unable to bear children for medical reasons. Seeing motherhood in the works seems to provoke lots of emotions in others. Probably because it’s such an amazing thing – a miracle, you know?!

    Really excited for you!!!

    1. LG you could be right … I guess there could be people looking with envy, but if they are, it’s less obvious to me than it was during my weight loss journey in 2004.

      I hope things happen soon for you! 🙂

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