What defines “success” when, in a nutshell, you’re someone who started out dieting, developed humiliating disordered eating behaviors as a result of OCD/Type-A/perfectionist tendencies, conquered most of said behaviors but got lax, gained a little weight and still struggles with emotional eating?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially since my über-cathartic posts this week.
What it comes down to is that I think the definition of “success” — especially with respect to recovery — is very, very subjective.
I only know what “success” is to me. And maybe that’s OK … I can’t compare myself to how you recovered, or how my friend so-and-so lost weight, or how my third-grade teacher overcame X hurdle. I can only determine my own success, compared to my own expectations of success.
That said, looking at my day yesterday, I’d say it was a success.
I had a nice night with my hubby (who woke early today to study instead of last night, so we had some time together).
I didn’t eat emotionally.
I ate balanced meals and snacks.
I didn’t restrict myself (I had a delicious champurrada that my husband brought back from Guatemala).
I made a general meal plan.
I exercised moderately.
And didn’t buy anything I hadn’t planned on buying.
No, I don’t expect to be “perfect” — I’ve gotten past that, to some extent, trying to approach things realistically now — pragmatically.
Still, I know that I’m the type of person who works well within boundaries; that’s one of my strengths, according to Dr. G. Instead of fighting it — I ought to acknowledge what I learned in therapy and actually apply it to this situation now.
Because the truth is, I’ve done it before, and can do it again.
Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts today. Oddly, I haven’t been thinking obsessively about food or exercise since I had this catharsis early this week … funny how that can work …
I really am a firm believer that awareness IS half the battle.
How about you? What does “success” mean to you at the moment? Is it about a certain goal you hope to achieve? Perhaps something at work, totally unrelated to food/exercise?