Thank You

I just wanted to thank you all for your insightful comments. I concluded tonight that part of my compulsion stems from the fact that I’m alone a lot and am turning to food for comfort. Not good.

It’s not his fault, but with my hubby in biz school (at UofMich, a 75-min. drive each way — after work!), he’s always in class or studying — and it has been, admittedly, stressful for me.

My friends are great (the best!), but they have their own lives to live, and my family is far, far away. Ultimately, I know I need to create my own happiness, but I haven’t been.

I’m alone a lot … and I feel like my weekends are dependent upon school. See, I finished grad school in 2002, so it’s ancient history for me. Sometimes I wish we were both in school now then I’d be more understanding/have something to focus on whole-heartedly, too.

Anyway, fortunately, we do spend virtually all of his free time together (and I do my own thing/make my own plans when he’s studying), but between work and school and home, it’s hard to strike a balance.

And even when he feels he is striking that balance, sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s enough for me, because I’m the one alone. So I think that creates an empty void for me that perhaps I’m filling with food/emotional eating/compulsive buying.

God, typing this out makes it real. (And believe me, it’s not something he and I haven’t talked about ad nauseum; it’s just hard to find a solution because it’s not like he’s out there having fun — he’s getting his MBA! In fact, he’s at class while I type this!)

Education is so very important to my husband, and I know the sooner he plows through, the sooner we’ll have it behind us (he’s half-way through because he’s been busting his smarty-pants butt for us, for our future!).

This isn’t an excuse, but digging into why I am so compulsive, I think a lot of it is related to loneliness.

Truthfully, this loneliness is why we haven’t had a baby yet, even though we’re both ready and want to, with him in school for another year and some change, he knows  it’s hard enough with just me feeling lonely … imagine with an infant?! Plus, he wants to be a daddy who is there for me and a baby, and I understand that (and love that! :)). So that’s another stressor, I guess, if I’m being completely honest … that this next stage of our life is on hold.

Anyway, thanks for listening … though I over-ate today (again), I started over my WW Points anyway — I just needed a fresh start. I’m bloated anyway from PMS and I feel uncomfortably full now; not the way anyone wants to go to sleep.

Still, discomfort aside, I feel better just admitting all this here … and I appreciate the support more than you know.


9 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. I have always been told HALT

    when I am at a stage where I am not doing so well i am always told dont be alone for more than 2 hours,
    it doesnt mean i have to go hang out with people. just some contact, even in a shop with the assistant, or ringing an friend, or a family member, or just some kind of contact.
    maybe this could help for you too?

    1. HALT … that is a really good mantra, LouLou–thank you!!! Yea, maybe I just need to be better about picking up the phone, or running to the mall or something just to be around people. I really AM a people-person at heart.

  2. That is great that you are able to make the connection and I am sure writing about it is somewhat cathartic. 🙂

  3. It’s good to know I’m not alone, to know that other people have the same struggle. We must accept that some days are good, some days are not. Keep trying!

  4. Honestly, if you are EVER feeling lonely and want to come along with your hubby for the ride, I’d love to meet you for a run, or a bike ride (in the spring, of course!), or dinner.

  5. This is so insightful! Loneliness is hard for me too. For me, eating behaviors (restricting, in my case) can be passive aggressive, a way to express something deeper. When my husband was really engaged with some computer stuff (he’s a professional nerd), I felt like we had no time together, and I got weird about my food again. Eventually, I had to just admit to myself and to him that I missed him and that I was struggling with my emotions on my own. It’s better now, though I do notice that food issues rear their ugly heads in times when I’m seeking quick comfort. It’s always been hard for me to reach out, though I think I’m getting better. Just realizing what you’ve realized will help immensely, I think!

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