I used to hear it all the time when I was heavy; it always made me feel better about myself … like “yea, I’m heavy, but I can carry my weight well.”
Or maybe, thanks to my mom’s guidance during my teenage years, I just knew how to dress to accentuate the “positives” of my heavier, hour-glass frame (a small waist, relatively flat tummy) and dampen the “negative” (broad hips and thick thighs).
When I lost weight, my figure changed pretty dramatically.
Yes, I was still curvy, but there wasn’t nearly as big a difference between my hips and waist like there used to be — and now, since gaining a little weight over the past few years, this lack of difference has made me feel particularly “thick.”
Once again, I feel self-conscious about my weight. Though I was always a former daily weigher, I just ignored the scale during the holidays this year, and knew I had to have gained. I’ve been trying to focus on just living … and didn’t want to get tied to a machine.
So naturally, I was DREADING having to get on the scale today (at my husband’s company’s annual wellness assessment) for the first time since late November.
I weighed in at home in the morning to prepare myself mentally, and yes, there was a small, manageable gain — likely a combination of my monthly guest arriving in the next few days, coupled with a week of travel and more food/wine than I needed … but the important thing to note is that I wasn’t too concerned. Which is, in and of itself, progress.
But I digress.
Anyway, it’s been a long time since I’ve made any public comments about my weight. But after the nurse pricked my finger to do the bloodwork, it was time to step on the scale, and I was blabbering and anxious.
Truth be told, I was hoping not to have to get weighed there (in clothes and all) and told her that I’d just weighed in that morning for Weight Watchers. So she asked what the number had been. I told her, and also noted how I was pretty bummed to have let myself gain back some of the weight I’d initially lost in 2004.
As I was talking, she looked at me, eyed me up and down, and said, “Wow, you don’t look like you weigh that much. I definitely would have guessed less.”
Once again, there was that line. This time it didn’t bother me so much, but it still always makes me question myself, wondering if I see what others see, and vice versa.
She suggested I step on their scale and, with their standard 3-lb deduction for clothes, it was actually a smidge less than what my home scale said.
But what stuck with me (besides my cholesterol being so good :)) was “you don’t look like you weigh that much.” I know I’m more than a number and all that, but seeing it spelled out that way — I know I have work to do. And I feel calm about it, serene even. I know what to do, and I just need to do it.
There’s no time like the present.
How about you? Has anyone ever said something similar to you? Did you take it as a compliment or an insult?