Confession: I haven’t stepped on the scale since September — Yom Kippur, the one day of the year where we Jews fast, to be exact.
(Heck, I figured if ever there was a time to see where I stood, it was then).
Prior to that, I hadn’t weighed in in, oh, maybe two months. Truth be told, I just didn’t want to know and was trying to just “get normal” … so weighing in just wasn’t a priority.
I was trying to shy away from the numbers, the obsession.
And it’s been a positive shift, for sure.
Then this Saturday — after months of eating target Points, weekly Points AND activity Points (and I can’t lose eating APs)– I decided to face the music and see where I stood, after a month of travel for work and fun, and eating foods I don’t usually eat and not being able to work out like usual … and then being sick and a bump on a log for 10 days.
I was particularly curious how/if the lack of exercise would impact me, especially given how many processed carbs I’d been eating while sick (and next to no veggies!).
Except for Friday and Saturday, I hadn’t exercised since running in San Diego the previous Monday — and the week prior, I was running – not even doing my typical gym routines, and certainly not burning the usual amount I do during my workouts (which was probably fine, but a change for me). Also during this time, my Polar F6 heart rate monitor died so I wasn’t able to track my workouts.
Well, you can imagine the sheer surprise on my face to see that I had actually MAINTAINED throughout these crazy two months. I also realized, hey, I’ve BEEN maintaining at this (albeit higher than I’d like) weight for abut a year now.
Read as, maintaining while eating more and eating differently; being less rigid; working out less obsessively; living more; fretting less. Shocker, I know!
It was amazing to me to see that even with putting in less effort (i.e., trying less) I was staying “neutral” — and what I’ve gained during this time was priceless: piece of mind: not fearing a surprise meal out; an unplanned dessert; an impulse treat. During this time, I’ve enjoyed life more, lived more.
What this also showed me was that with just a little more diligence, I could very well lose again … if I wanted to put a little more heart and soul into it. If, being the operative word.
So since RENT has been on my brain this weekend (if you follow me on Facebook you’re probably sick of the references ;), I thought I’d close this post with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from the musical, “No Day But Today.”
There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment’s not the last
There’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret– or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today
There’s only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what is alright
No other course
No other way
No day but today
I can’t control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be
There’s only now
There’s only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
I cry every time I hear that song; not tears of sadness, but rather tears of just contentment … the lyrics are so simple, yet so powerful. And I think of my dear friend Jason every time I think of RENT … remembering freshman year of college, how he literally waited in line to see RENT for 24 hours in the freezing cold with his friend Ryan … and how relevant RENT’s message of living each day to its fullest truly epitomized my friend.
The next few weeks are the holidays, and this isn’t the time when most people decide to “reign things in.” It’s a time for relaxing, enjoying with friends and family — and that’s what I intend to do.
But there is no day but today … so why not give ‘trying’ a whirl? I already know I can maintain even when I loosen the reigns, but why not raise the bar a little, challenge myself? I think I am at a place where I can handle it; I feel good and empowered.
Truly, there’s only this moment … and I don’t want to have any regrets. My motto is “no regrets.”
I want all of you to know — I’m so proud of how far I’ve come — and I couldn’t have gotten here without your love and support–but I am also excited for what’s ahead. And there’s no time like the present.
How about you? Have you had a similar experience with respect to letting go a little and (surprisingly) not gaining?
Let There Be Light 
I have definitely experienced this–and it’s such a lovely surprise! It really build trust in yourself that you DO know what you are doing and how to live moderately. Sometimes we are so consciously worried about it that when the unconscious can take over, it actually gets the job done better. That’s my assessment anyway 😉 It’s just hard to get to that place of letting go. Congrats!
I haven’t weighed myself since the middle of October, and I’m kind of scared to. I haven’t been eating as well as I was before, and I just didn’t want to see if I had gained or not. I can kind of tell I’ve gained some, b/c my jeans aren’t as loose as they were before. I wanted to get back on “track,” before I started weighing myself again. I guess, wishful thinking…
That is great! I think that by letting yourself loosen up a bit you probably ate more intuitively during the past month and that helped control overall intake. It is the binges/over eating episodes that tend to put on weight IME. I think this is also great for you (who admittedly struggles with overexercising) to see that exercise really does not impact weight all that much.
Unfortunately when I let go with food even just a little I tend to gain but that is only because I am trying to maintain a weight that is lower than my body “happy weight”. My brain/body are not in agreement over what is a good weight for me and I go back and forth with wanting to be the lower weight vs having more flexibility and maintaining a few lbs higher. The answer to that changes depending on the day 🙂 But I have found that the amount of exercise matters very little in terms of weight. What does make much more of a difference is the amount of NEAT I get.
I have experienced this recently…with being unable to run for the last six months, I’ve been pretty scared that I would gain weight. I can’t really do much cardio at all (aside from walking), and that is not what I”m used to. But surprisingly, I was shocked that I haven’t gained weight.
I really don’t know how it’s worked out that way, except the good thing is that I’m not using my work outs as an “excuse” to eat more (something I definitely struggled with in the past!). So….I try to tell myself it’s happening for a reason. Maybe when we’re unable to exercise, it really helps us to focus on eating well and intuitively.
And congrats to you for maintaing, too! 🙂
And congrats to you for maintaining, too! 🙂
I just heard that song on Pandora and it made me tear up. I love that song and have it on repeat on my iPod often.
I maintained through my back problems, surgery and rehab when I couldn’t exercise and I ate a lot because I was sad. I used to eat pints of ice cream by myself but I still maintained amazingly because I counted points and stuck in the range.
wow, lissa, i really applaud you! i’m too chicken to let it go. i think counting my calories is a control thing, that is a big part of my compulsive eating. i’ve been at the same weight for a little over a year. i’m afraid if i don’t keep count that i could possibly lose weight (which would not be good for me) or worse, that i will gain and the bingeing will begin again, which is the worst possible outcome. i wish for the strength to one day let it go, and hopefully one day i will be able to. i think one baby step i can take is to stop weighing myself every morning, but even that will be hard. *sigh*
Thanks everyone!! Sorry, just getting to the blog now!! I appreciate the encouragement — I think I learned a lot this past month or two about my body and how it responds … I hope I can carry this insight with me going forward!
Melissa, I get excited when you talk about possibly trying to lose weight again. It inspires me because I think we have similar goals. So if you do decide to go that way, I want to hear all about it. And if you decide you like where you are now and your new peace of mind, good luck with that too.
I am just like many people who commented already. I can maintain my current weight without much effort, whether I exercise a lot or a little. So I try hard to make exercise only about health, mental and physical, and not a weght loss tool.
Jennifer, I’m still tossing it around. I’d like to lose about 10 to be at my “happy weight” but I am not willing to go to extremes to see it happen, so we’ll see … I’ll keep you all posted! One thing this blog will never become is a diet/weight loss blog … but I am sure I will be able to find a way to balance it all out if I go down that path. Given my anniversary dinner (and dessert!) tonight, that will have to start tomorrow 😉
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Lissa,
This is a huge plug to your intuitive eating! You are listening to your body, and your body is speaking back positively!
Thanks, Clare! 🙂
Hi. A nice post. That song really goes with the philosophy I hold each minute: there is no past, there is no future…there is only this second of this hour. Sometimes I feel that is the only way to get through the day …:)