So I hope by the time you read this, I’m settled in to my desk again at work, checking voice-mails and responding to e-mails and all that jazz that comes with being out of work for 4 days.

Being no longer contagious, though I don’t feel 100%, I figured I couldn’t afford to stay home any longer … not without going ape on myself, that is!

So … I decided today, my third wedding anniversary 🙂 would be a good day to go back to work.

(Note: It’d have been mighty nice to be home with my hubby, but he’s traipsing around Belgium and Germany for school til Sunday so … happy anniversary, me 😉 We’ll be celebrating when he gets back!)

If I’m being perfectly honest, these days at home have been super-lonely … it’s been like solitary confinement except for the obvious (I’m not in trouble with the law).

That’s kind of why I’ve been blogging so much, or, if you are on Facebook or Twitter, why I’ve been so active there … besides phone calls, it’s all I have for human contact at the moment!

Ironically,  though it feels like a millenium ago, it was only a bit over a week ago in San Diego that I did that post about enjoying dining out alone and really appreciating my own company … and that’s true … I have learned to appreciate alone time. “Me” days are to be treasured, for sure.

But I definitely didn’t have “prolonged illness” in mind when I wrote that post. I realize that by every stretch of the imagination, this isn’t even that long a time to be sick … it’s just longer than I, personally, have ever been sick. (My mom attests to this, all the way from Jersey).

Anyway … so yesterday afternoon, feeling about a 7 on a scale of 1-10, I decided to actually fix my hair, throw on (clean) yoga pants and venture out for some errands. After being under house arrest–or so it’s felt–it was quite liberating, and the notion excited me.

I had three places to go: Target, Dollar Tree and Ulta. I cranked up my fave Dave Matthews CD (I still don’t have an iPod) —  Live at Luther Colleg e with Tim Reynolds — and was off.

Because the Dollar Tree is in the same shopping plaza, I figured I’d do what I always do: park in the middle and get in a brisk walk between the two.

Well that’s fine and dandy for a healthy Melissa … but this Melissa, who hasn’t moved in six days from the couch or her bed, wasn’t handling the walk so well. And walking around the stores even had me winded, my chest tight and my breath short. I couldn’t believe it; I really thought I was “better.”

By the time I left Target, I felt like I’d run a marathon 😦

What it comes down to is that it’s so hard for me to accept “defeat” … and in this case, H1N1 has seriously kicked my ass. I’ve never felt like this before, and as a fitness freak, this was particularly scary. I can’t recall a time where I’ve been out of breath (except for when I’ve been sick). And I don’t like it one bit.

So … lesson learned … this flu isn’t funny business; it’s not something you just “get over”  … rather, it’s something I’m going to be easing my way out of. Slowly.

Clearly, I’m still not 100% recovered from this flu, and need to continue listening to my body. That means not pushing it by exerting myself physically.

Obviously, the gym won’t be seeing me any time soon, either. Since this is how people get pneumonia — i.e., they don’t fully recover — I definitely don’t want to go down that path of pushing myself there too soon.

That said, I AM ready to start eating vegetables and healthier foods again.

Since being sick, I’ve eaten no veggies, save for the cucumbers my husband left for me marinating in the fridge. I’ve just been one serious carb queen; since my tastebuds died (about the same rate as I feel my brain cells have since being sick!), I went with what my body craved–and that meant a lot of crackers, pretzels, bread, toast, etc. ..and fruit.  Apples, grapes, etc.

I don’t mean to sound whiny and I apologize if I do, but it’s been really hard for me, as you can imagine, to just be at peace with not moving and on top of that, not feeling like myself. It’s hard for anyone; this flu sucks, plain and simple.

But I’m proud to say that while I’ve given in to whatever cravings I have had (even if it was just a few bites), I’ve not been binging and I’ve most certainly not been chewing/spitting, even though this has been a pretty stressful and anxiety-inducing week for me.

Maybe by the weekend I’ll be ready for another walk around Target. With all the holiday stuff out, I sure wish I’d felt well enough to browse more … something to look forward to, as I ease my way back to health and wellness.