Sorry for not blogging much recently; between my trips to NJ, a work event in Chicago and a conference in San Diego, I’ve not had much time to blog and things have been good so I’m less inclined to dwell but rather, live. Here I am “living”–i.e., being silly at Coronado Beach, CA, on my trip, still in conference clothes!
Many of you know my love for Ryan Reynolds, and one of the funniest SNL skits he did last month was that song about Danny McCoonz and his “status update.”
So in that light … here’s my “status update”!
I posted about enjoying a nice solo meal the first day I was in San Diego, and some other highlights of this most recent trip included eating pretty much whatever I wanted (within reason) and running along the bay three times.
I loved being around such healthy, fit people – it really motivated me to keep going.
I only did a half hour run each day – which in reality is less cardio than I typically do – but I pushed myself to run faster each day and that meant it was a more effective workout, even if it burned less calories on average than my workouts typically do.
I don’t know that I can say I’m cured of my issues … (though I’ve been chew/spit free for eight months now) but I do know that I’m testing myself quite a bit these days, venturing out a little and trying to be less obsessive, changing up my routines.
It was hard at first, but it’s feeling more and more natural these days. The truth is, I don’t want to miss life anymore.
No, of course I don’t want to gain any more weight than I have the past two years … but I am not actively working to lose weight, either. (I’m journaling and working out, but still consistently eating APs each week even though I shouldn’t be if I wanted to actually lose).
I haven’t stepped on the scale since the end of September, but I feel pretty good in my own skin lately, and that feels nice.
If I could keep my head in this good place, maybe weight loss would ensue. Maybe it won’t, but at least I’ll feel better mentally/emotionally about myself as a result of loosening the reigns just a smidge.
How about you? Do you think it’s possible to ever be truly recovered from food/exercise/disordered eating issues? Or do you think you’ll always need to be on the lookout for signs?
Let There Be Light 
i am about 7 months “recovered” from a lifelong eating disorder, but i have faith it’s gone for good, just b/c none of the old emotions trigger me any longer. it is reminiscent of when i finally quit smoking and drinking too.
You sound great! Glad you are enjoying life!
I think for people with ED/DE backgrounds you can recover for the most part but I think you do have to be mindful of your history and recognize that symptoms might pop up now and then especially during times of stress/change.
Can you post the link to the NYT article? I am curious because i recently read an article in NYT that said the opposite–exercise won’t help much with weight loss but will help to maintain.
I am a moron, I wasn’t done writing that post and deleted it–I think I had it all backwards, Lara!
Looks like you are having fun!
Ever really recover? If my addiction to Pepsi is any indication, the answer might be no. At one point in my life I drank close to a gallon a day, starting right off the bat with breakfast. Quitting was hard. I was off it for a few years. The last few years I’ve continued the fight with varying success. At least overall my consumption is greatly reduced but it is not an all or nothing thing. There is the occasional setback. Perhaps that is still the definition of success?
I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well!! This is a very different tone than you used to have, and it’s lovely 😉
I don’t think I’ll ever be cured… but i can certainly improve!
I’ve been reading this since you started it and what drew me in initially was how once you lost your weight then you started the ED behaviors. I did a similar thing only once I hit goal, I kept losing and losing until I made myself sick and my Dr. told me I had to gain weight. Egads. That was so hard for me to hear and understand. I was staying at the bottom of my points range every day and when I did that I just kept losing. (I never ‘ate’ my activity points ever then). It wasn’t until after I gained weight to where my Dr told me to be that I decided to start working out. I’ve definitely fluctuated over the last few years but this year have seemed to just become comfortable in my skin. I still though have to take a step back and think about my behaviors on a regular basis and ask myself if I’m doing what is best for me with my eating and exercise. So for me, I need to remember to look for signs so I don’t go back to what I now realize was disordered eating.
I agree with Mara….it is so refreshing to hear how things have changed for you nowadays! I am SO happy for you and this journey you are on – your happiness is apparent from your posts and gives all of us hope that disordered eating/eating disorders aren’t “for life.”
I think I’ll always have to be aware of possible “triggers” around me, but I’m working on “toughening” myself up, because triggers will always be present (especially for me…since I am SO sensitive!).
I’d like to think eating disorders/disordered eating is always curable, but the truth is, it is not. While the physical symptoms might not be obvious over time, I know many people who go on to struggle and obsess with food long-term. Usually, it’s the people who don’t seek treatment of some form – a firm believer in why I think all of us can benefit from therapy…disordered eating or not!
I recently discovered your blog and have enjoyed reading it.
Gosh, I hope that those things are possible! I have been a yo-yo dieter for a long time. I can lose the weight but maintaining it is the issue. Clearly, I need to improve my relationship with food before I ever attain true success in that area. This up-down cycle is exhausting.
I am at the beginning of my journey, really. Reading blogs like this is very encouraging. A big “thanks” to you :-).
I used to starve myself and binge as well as compulsively exercise. I consider myself recovered and “normal” (whatever that is) about food now, and have been that way for about 4 1/2 years. Thank God! It has taken a lot to get here…therapy, group therapy, reading reading reading every single book about normal eating that I could get my hands on, as well as creating boundaries with my parents. It took me so long to trust myself. And trust others enough to talk about it.
Do I still have nagging thoughts sometimes? Yes. Those ones about how my arms should be more toned or the fear that I ate too much some days. I still compare myself to other women too and I wish I didn’t. Am working on this. But…that seems like pretty normal behavior. It doesn’t affect my life in a big way and I’m looking forward to pregnancy sometime soon too…hopefully…
Somehow I don’t think these behaviors will resurface. I feel like I have really come out of isolation so that if I ever were to struggle at some point in the future, I would know where to go for support.
PS Great pic! You look happy!
hi! just found your blog and am enjoying it. i have been a compulsive overeater for over 30 years. i just realized i have this ‘sickness’ about two years ago. do i think i will ever fully recover – no. do i hope to find ways to deal and make it easier and more manageable – yes. i just started blogging about this about a month ago if you have the time to check it out – lovetoeatinpa.wordpress.com. best of luck, i wish you continued success!!!
You look HAPPY!!! YAY!