I I had to give myself a headline, I’m pretty sure it would read something like this: “Libra Seeking Balance.”
Of all the things I strive for, balance has been the trickiest.
I do really well at over-achieving, and I admittedly suck at failure … I don’t know how to “half-ass” something. I tend to over-analyze things to death, so I’m very reflective … but balance has remained elusive, a Holy Grail for me, if you will.
I’ve had moments of clarity over the past year and a half, but try as I might, in spite of being a Libra (for which balance should be more natural), I struggle relentlessly with finding it and, more importantly, maintaining it.
As a naturally anxious person, this makes perfect sense. But I’m learning to work through my anxiety, and being away is always a good opportunity to put the pedal to the metal.
And so, this weekend, I let go. I lived the life of a recovered disordered eater. (You heard me; go ahead and nix the “ing” suffix, ok?!)
I was flexible, I went with the flow when it came to restaurant options and meals my mom cooked. I ate sensible portions, but didn’t obsess. I didn’t talk about food. I didn’t talk about exercise.
I was at a wedding with the most amazing food that I wanted to enjoy. I was with my high school gang, the people who knew me since we were kids and don’t judge me.
I drank wine, I savored a bagel, I had lots of sweets. I got in three awesome runs (not five, like I technically might have “HAD TO DO” in the past).
And then I came back, and had a “normal” healthy day. I journaled, I ate balanced meals, and I worked out.
Because life is ultimately about finding that “gray,” that balance, that middle of the road … you can throw yourself whole-heartedly into perfecting something … but then your life passes you by. And then what?
I know this from experience, and I never want to go back there.
There 10 or so pounds on me that I get so frustrated about, they’re better on me than my thoughts being ravaged by food and exercise and Points and calories.
It made for a far more enjoyable experience for everyone. My family noticed it, my friends noticed it. And I felt good about myself, even with the added weight. I felt “normal.”
In a way, it’s like a weight was, indeed, lifted. And it feels amazing.
How about you? What’s your #1 “feel balanced” method? Have you had a cathartic moment recently?