Two months from today (October 2), I will turn 30.
The big 3-0. But is it really such a big deal?
Honestly, I don’t fear 30, especially since so many people today (if they’re both lucky and healthy) end up living well into their 80s or older.
Rather, I’m excited for it. Eager, even.
I think of my 20s as true learning years, building years: my education, my career, my friendships and relationships (I met my husband when I was 20).
And these years were also about building a relationship with myself, perhaps the most important relationship of all.
Allow me to share one of my favorite quotes from the series’ finale of my favorite show, Sex & the City:
“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”–Carrie Bradshaw
Everytime I read this quote, I smile, remembering the fabulous foursome in their fabulous 30s and how by the time the show ended, they were in their 40s (and still just as fabulous!).
That quote gives me hope that I can say sayanara to my food/weight issues for good someday … by truly loving myself.
It goes without saying that it was in my mid-to-late 20s that I created this disordered eating monster … and I’d like to lay her to rest as I enter this new decade.
I’m not naïve to think I won’t still struggle at times with my weight or self-image … but I hope to fill my days with more meaning, more substance.
I hope that through blogging at WeAretheRealDeal.com and here, that there will be way more positive days than negative ones. And I ancitipate my focus will change as my life changes. Blogging might even become a thing of my past; who knows. (Not to worry; I am not going anywhere right now!)
Ultimately, I hope my 30s will be an extension of those building years — and that in my 30s, we’ll start a family of our own (which I’m well aware will present a host of challenges for someone like me).
Yet I couldn’t feel more excited about the notion of getting there, becoming a mom someday.
I think when the focus is off me and on something else — something that will be fully dependent on me for survival, in the womb and then once born and growing — that I will be forced to change my thinking. It will be the ultimate example of flooding, to use one of Dr. G’s CBT techniques.
And you know what? I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. Again, I hope to embrace it when the time comes.
For the first time in my life, I don’t have any unrealistic expectations for this first year of my newest decade; I just want to feel fulfilled in everything I’m doing.
Mindless eating, emotional-eating, over-exercising … none of those behaviors are “fulfilling.”
I deserve more than that; we all do. I think all too often we don’t treat ourselves like we would treat a friend. (Roni talked about that here on WeAretheRealDeal last week and I totally agreed).
And so over these next two calendar months — my last in my 20s — I’d like to embrace the notion of treating myself (and my body) as a friend.
Because I know how to be a good friend to others (loyal, listening, patient, empathetic); I just haven’t been a very good friend to myself (or my body) the past few years.
I want to be a more fabulous friend to myself in my 30s, so I can be a more fabulous wife, daughter, sister, friend … and (someday) parent to my children.
I might as well start practicing that now. I mean, really … why wait?
How about you? Was there an age you feared? Embraced?
Let There Be Light 
i cried when i reached 25, halfway to 50. i complained about it in yoga class that night, and then turned around as the woman behind me (a regular) said, “hey, i’m fifty!” i could have died, because she looks late 30s and she is super fit. from then on, she has been one of my best friends, and because i met her that night, i’m way more excited to age, because i see how great it can be.
What an awesome story, Clare!!
I must say that I am a HUGE fan of the 30’s! Maybe because that’s when things really *clicked* for me?! But it’s a great time in a woman’s life, so I hope that you enjoy. I still have a few more years left in this decade, and I fully intend to enjoy them and to enjoy my 40’s.
That’s great to hear, Kristina!
I love that quote from SATC. It sounds like you are in a really good place with embracing your 30’s. Every woman I know says her 30’s has been her favorite decade. I can’t wait. I think we’re supposed to be messing htings up in our 20’s and figuring it all out. Our 30’s is when we put it all together and thrive 🙂
Love it, Lara — thrivin’ thirties 🙂
Don’t say “I want to be a fabulous friend, wife…etc” Instead, say “I am becoming a more fabulous friend, wife, etc…” Because you should appreciate who you are now at this stage before you can move forward.
Also, you speak about saying sayonara to your food issues….but you don’t mention how you will accomplish this in your day to day life. It seems like kind of a vague goal.
Lastly, your readers want to know: have you been eating intuitively or have you started counting points again?
That’s a good point, Lorrie. In fact, I’ll edit that now. That’s a very valid point.
It is a vague goal because it’s something I’m working on, chipping away at, each day. I’ve struggled so much with black or white thinking over the years that in this case, I’m leaving it open to my own interpretation. It basically means what I’m doing now: trying to eat more intuitively, focus less on food as a comfort, exercise for pleasure vs. “punishment,” fill my days with more enjoyment and less beratement. And I am doing that. So yes, it might seem vague to a reader, but to me, it’s the steps I’m taking each day. Sometimes I falter, but I’m still c/s free since mid-March so that is a huge victory.
I have been doing both. Eating what I want (i.e., intuitively), but in normal portions though I am still journaling. It’s a tough habit to break and I like doing it.
I haven’t weighed myself in weeks so I have no clue if it’s working but I do feel calmer about meals lately — including several unplanned ones.
I guess I ought to provide an update there, huh!?
I got a chuckle out of this because as a 40 yr old, 30’s to me now sound soooo young still and not much different than 20’s 🙂
But I did find that turning 30 (and the first few years of the 30’s) was significant in many ways, I remember suddenly feeling so much more at peace with myself and life. I was single and had a string of dating bad-news guys, feeling sorry for myself for not being in a serious relatoinship and I realized I don’t need to take that crap from those losers. I stopped trying to meet someone everywhere I went and just enjoyed time to myself and embraced my single-hood.
I have dealt with food issues since college and while they certainly don’t magically go away I was able to relax so much more about it and accept myself in a way I never had before.
LOL Lara.
“I have dealt with food issues since college and while they certainly don’t magically go away I was able to relax so much more about it and accept myself in a way I never had before.” — Exactly!! That’s what I’m seeking.
You know, being the youngest in my family, I always dreaded getting older. I loved being the “baby” of the family. But as I look back on my teens and my 20’s, I realize that although I had my youth, I wasn’t HAPPY in my skin. I wasn’t comfortable with who I was as a person. And what good is youth if you don’t fully love yourself? Now that 30 is right around the corner for me, too, I can honestly say I’ve never been happier and more confident with who I am. So to me, the 30’s are going to be a decade of living in this new “me.” I’m REALLY excited about it!
And we are lucky….30 is still very young nowadays. So is 40, and 50! 🙂
I love hearing that optimism, Holly 🙂
I didn’t fear any age. But I embraced 25. With a lot of issues I had as a mentally ill teen my doc warned my mom I may not see 25 if I didn’t get help and stick with it. So age 25 was huge for me and my mom. We celebrated together and have enjoyed each year since as I’ve grown and matured. I’m 27 now and loving every minute 🙂
Missy, that is awesome how far you’ve come! 🙂 27 was a great year, too, for me! (I got married!)
I am 37 and I’ve looked forward to my 30’s since I was in my teens! It always seemed like any woman I admired was 30+. My 30’s have been all that I expected and more. I am now looking forward to my 40’s since this decade has been so great. (I don’t look forward to the external bit to be perfectly honest but the internal bit, yes!!!)
What I like best is (while still learning and growing everyday) is I am more confident, more content and just plain more mellow then ever. Things that used to make me crazy in my 20’s no longer happen.
Enjoy these last two months in your 20’s but IMHO the best decades are definitely yet to come!
Michelle, that is soooo good to hear! And I’m thinking you’re right — the best is yet to come. 🙂
For some reason, I was very nervous about turning 20. I have no idea why. I’m now 31 and no other number scared me as much as 20!
I was a bit scared when I turned 25 esp since a friend at the time told me that life went downhill from there. But it was fine. 🙂 then I turned 30 the end of november and I was pretty much dreading it, because I’m no longer 20s and it sounds old.. Not really old… but just grown up old. Mature. And im soo not mature. Also, tons of women I knew were all saying 30 is when you start feeling blah and I dunno being very negative about it. But I turned 30 and its august so ive been 30 for a bunch of months and I feel pretty much the same as I did last year, well actually, I feel better and more confident. So I think that the 30s could be fun. Even though im really, totally still a kid at heart. And we’ll talk about 40 when we get there lol.
LOL Merri–being a kid at heart is a good thing!
yep most of the time it is, some of the time it isnt. but id rather be this way…its more fun.