(Friends in college affectionately called my various tomes the “Chronicles of Melissa Marion;” if those journals ever got into the hands of the wrong people … oh boy! ;))
Sometimes, in spite of my love of putting pen to paper (or typing) I just don’t have much to say about food, exercise, disordered eating, recovery …
The creative juices just always aren’t there, and I can’t make them pop up out of thin air.
And so on those days, instead of forcing myself to come up with something to say, I’ve decided it’s ok to just take a breather. Maybe look outside for good articles to share, etc., and if I still ‘got nuthin,’ then I’ll just chillax.
This might sound like a “duh” to some of my readers, but this has been on my mind a lot lately, especially since things have been going relatively smoothly.
It reminds me of how in college, I had my heart badly broken, and for years, all I could do was write agonizing poetry about it.
But then when I met my now-husband, things were so good and exciting. I was living, loving/loved, happy. Of course, I wrote in my journal (he always tries to see over my shoulder what I’m writing :)) but I didn’t feel the need to turn to the outlet of poetry, which had, at that point, a very negative connotation for me.
And even when we were apart all those years, longing for one another, we expressed ourselves with love letters and e-mails and phone chats.
My heart ached for him more than many people might be able to understand or withstand (five years of visiting one another in different countries was not easy!) … but it wasn’t the same emotion of being badly dumped.
We made it through because we were striving for something so much bigger together: our future, marriage, a family. And while I penned a couple romantic poems, they certainly weren’t the same as the visceral ones written in the wake of a break-up.
So now, like before, when things are going decently for me, I am finding I just have less to say. Me –dubbed “Motormouth” by my cheerleading squad in high school and friends/family alike — has little to say. Whoa.
I know lots of bloggers take a breather … for one reason or another.
I’ve just felt that since my blog is a recovery blog, a part of me always feared (however silly it sounds) that if I skipped a day, you (my readers) might think I backtracked big-time, because I often wonder that on recovery blogs I read …
Then I realized, “Whoa, Melissa … that’s pretty selfish of you to think for your readers (or, worse, to think so highly of yourself that you think you well-being is on anyone’s radar screen! Yikes!).
Plus, it’s silly because I share my backtracking here anyway, the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve always been candid here with my readers about my blips on the radar, pebbles that I trip on along the path to self-acceptance and a healthy body image.
Above all, most of you probably don’t care if bloggers don’t blog for a day or two. Blogging is something I do as a passion, not for a paycheck. Whereas I have to go to work every day (and I’m fortunate to love my job) I don’t have to blog every day.
It just took me a while to really see this.
So if I take a day off, it just means I am 1) busy/traveling or 2) have nothing to say of relevance to my blog.
And that’s A-OK.
Interestingly, I just got an e-mail from WordPress (my blog platform) that my domain will expire on June 26, 2009 — which means I’ve been blogging almost one year already. Wow, has it been that long already?!
Naturally, I’ll renew my domain. From the get-go, I chose to brand myself with my URL, even though I hoped it might not be perfectly relevant at one point or another. And, as it was, it was only a few months later that I added (Recovering) to my blog title.
That said, I’m still proud of my blog’s name and how far I’ve come, and those I’ve been able to help along the way, the community we’ve all created here, and how we’ve been able to all learn from one another. So I’ll definitely keep blogging.
It’s just that now I’m looking at blogging through the lens of the economic theory, the “law of diminishing returns.”
I don’t want to over-do blogging so it loses its impact, and I don’t want to just blab about nothing to keep a captive audience (though I will note, Seinfeld worked extremely under that exact premise: a show about nothing!).
Perhaps five days a week is too much some weeks, but it’s ok other weeks. I will wait and see. Either way, blogging has been an amazing outlet for me and an integral part of my recovery — I wouldn’t be where I am without it — or without you, my readers.
So thank you!! I’ll be back, maybe tomorrow, maybe later this week. I’d like to see where the wind takes me when I just let things happen organically.
How about you? Is there something you love (a hobby? activity?) but find your passion wanes for when you overdo it? How do you strike that balance?